GreySouled
Learning
Not sure where this post should go.
Last night, following an emotional virtual T session dealing with attachment stuff earlier in the day, I had a night filled with sweaty epic nightmares that went on forever. In the first I came to find out my "origin story", or those early years of my life I don't remember. In this dream I dissociated so much, time traveled back and forth, so to speak. It happened in session with T, where when I finally came to, she was sitting next to me trying to bring me back, even called another T into the room for assistance. Living in the parts of the dream where I was such a small child (the age I feel in my CSA memories, where I'm low, close to the floor), I was so terrified and crying all the time, scared all the time of every adult, even my bio family. In the dream I would dissociate often at this age, sinking into myself, kind of collapsing to the floor with a thud inside myself, when confronted with either the memory of or being face to face with ...CSA stuff.
Anyway, that's the only relevant part for this post. My questions are: does anyone else feel like they dissociate in their dreams? For me, dissociation feels like either I'm falling down inside myself to a sunken place to disappear, or that planes of my body, usually my front half, are detaching and sliding off of me. Also, does anyone else feel hungover after intense dreams/nightmares? I've been awake for over two and a half hours now, have showered the sweat off of me, taken my daughter to school, etc. and I still feel dizzy and like my head has water swishing around inside it.
Also, as of a few years ago, I never EVER used to dream of myself as a child - except for maybe the random blue moon la-dee-da dream of being in elementary school, which was always a novelty. I also never used to "see" children/myself as a child being abused in my nightmares; it was always older women/myself as an adult. NOW - and I can deduce that this is probably because of having done so much parts work with T and digging deeper, etc. - that seems to be all that happens. I see myself as a child often or other children being abused, horribly, graphically. This, as I said, already makes sense to me. But, where I never have been one to experience flashbacks or recover memories in a dreaming state (mine have always come while I'm awake, out of the blue), I am now more frequently experiencing what feel like actual flashbacks in my dreams: just snippets, usually, like when I'm awake, but of usually the emotions and fear and bile-in-your-mouthness that come with CSA.
Any thoughts or similar experiences?
Last night, following an emotional virtual T session dealing with attachment stuff earlier in the day, I had a night filled with sweaty epic nightmares that went on forever. In the first I came to find out my "origin story", or those early years of my life I don't remember. In this dream I dissociated so much, time traveled back and forth, so to speak. It happened in session with T, where when I finally came to, she was sitting next to me trying to bring me back, even called another T into the room for assistance. Living in the parts of the dream where I was such a small child (the age I feel in my CSA memories, where I'm low, close to the floor), I was so terrified and crying all the time, scared all the time of every adult, even my bio family. In the dream I would dissociate often at this age, sinking into myself, kind of collapsing to the floor with a thud inside myself, when confronted with either the memory of or being face to face with ...CSA stuff.
Anyway, that's the only relevant part for this post. My questions are: does anyone else feel like they dissociate in their dreams? For me, dissociation feels like either I'm falling down inside myself to a sunken place to disappear, or that planes of my body, usually my front half, are detaching and sliding off of me. Also, does anyone else feel hungover after intense dreams/nightmares? I've been awake for over two and a half hours now, have showered the sweat off of me, taken my daughter to school, etc. and I still feel dizzy and like my head has water swishing around inside it.
Also, as of a few years ago, I never EVER used to dream of myself as a child - except for maybe the random blue moon la-dee-da dream of being in elementary school, which was always a novelty. I also never used to "see" children/myself as a child being abused in my nightmares; it was always older women/myself as an adult. NOW - and I can deduce that this is probably because of having done so much parts work with T and digging deeper, etc. - that seems to be all that happens. I see myself as a child often or other children being abused, horribly, graphically. This, as I said, already makes sense to me. But, where I never have been one to experience flashbacks or recover memories in a dreaming state (mine have always come while I'm awake, out of the blue), I am now more frequently experiencing what feel like actual flashbacks in my dreams: just snippets, usually, like when I'm awake, but of usually the emotions and fear and bile-in-your-mouthness that come with CSA.
Any thoughts or similar experiences?
