Dropped a bombshell unintentionally

[Erin1523]

Without going into details, as I was walking out the door from my last session, my therapist mentioned something in passing which caused me to respond with a huge bombshell that was extremely traumatic for me. I ended up texting her later in the day and she responded but then never even read my response. We’ve been working on self harm and I’ve been doing great, but now I don’t know if I can make it until the next session. Im not really sure what to do. I can reach out to her again for a session or short call or something along those lines. But instead I’m getting stuck on feeling hurt that she didn’t read my last text.

 

[Friday]

. But instead I’m getting stuck on feeling hurt that she didn’t read my last text.

I’ve learned to treat those as an Avoidance symptom.

Easier to be mad/hurt/insulted/whatever at someone NOW than to deal with symptoms from traumas THEN. Even better if I can justify it to myself by “linking” it to those same traumas I’m avoiding. Seeing it as just another example of… when it’s not. Because I CAN think on it, obsess on it, distract myself with it, hurt myself with it, the whole 9 yards.

Super shiny neon flashing sign… that I need to ignore… in order to actually feel better, and get shit done.

But it’s instant gratification. That I’m using the same way getting high, picking a physical fight, self harm, etc. “helps” me “feel better” (and they DO, or we wouldn’t do them) by f*cking up my life even more than it already is. By giving me something to focus on now. By flooding my system with chemicals it can’t ignore. By creating problems for me to solve. By… so many things. That only keep me hurting a helluva lot longer than I actually need to, and way the f*ck longer than I want to. Whilst at the same time? Cutting me off from the things that will make me feel better now AND later, but don’t come with such a rush.

 

[Movingforward10]

I'm also currently feeling hurt and stuck on that , which is preventing me from processing what I need to and using my T in a way that isn't projecting all this negative stuff onto her.

This hurt and this projection is so intense and real.
But there is a but: you're placing all this meaning onto her not reading the text that you don't know is there. She could have read it, depending on how it shows up on her phone. She may decide to read it later. Whatever the reason is, it doesn't automatically equate to her not caring about you or leaving you. She isn't the person from your past who hurt you.

If you need her help. It's ok, if that is the agreement between you, to reach out and tell her.
In your next session, it will be really valuable to talk about the hurt you felt when she didn't read the text. As that can open up a conversation about where this hurt originates from.

 

[arfie]

i try to treat those too many spots where a casual/unintended reminder can launch me into psychotic reactions as the spots in need of healing focus. the person who triggered me is seldom the best candidate for helping me past the initial reaction. a post such as this very post and/or sharing about it within my live peer support network is typically the bit of detachment i need to see the incident as something bigger than my defensive response toward the person who triggered me. i get back to the person who triggered me after i have calmed those initial reactions. it is amazing how often working through such trigger events leads to healing breakthroughs.

but that is me and every case is unique. . .

steadying support while you sort your own case.

 

[BigLittle]

Without the rushes it feels like detoxing from something

 

[Erin1523]

So I reached out to her for another session and I feel like a different person just having asked for it. Thanks for the encouragement and support.