Relationship Dropped like dead weight--with no warning---poof

greengirl

New Here
I've been struggling with this for about 2.5 months now...this page has been very helpful so I decided to share my story
My boyfriend struggles with PTSD, I noticed the signs very early on in our relationship, I encouraged him to seek help, which he did with therapy and medication. We are both military. This was the best, most healthy relationship I have ever had. The first 9 months were amazing--we did things together as a couple, he helped around the house, our children got to know each other, we met each others family and friends. Life was good. We had made plans for a future, talked about buying a house together and things we wanted out of life. I have never laughed so much and felt truly loved when I was with him. We got along about every facet of life and what we wanted out of love and a relationship and building a future together.
Our first real fight he literally packed up everything at my house (which he was pretty much living at) and left---his last words to me were " You did this to us, now I'm giving you something to think about".
I've called, I've texted--no response from him-not one.
I did manage to see him at his house one weekend, we spent 2 great days together and now were back to not speaking to me at all again
I am dumbfounded--how can someone do this? How can they just push someone away that they love, with no regard for what they are doing?
I send him messages to let him know that I am here for him when he is ready, trying to be supportive-with no pressure or expectations attached to it but honestly I am so f*cking angry right now
 

Hallowean

Not Active
It has seemed to me in my own experience that it's possibly better to not contact him and make him wonder. Try not saying anything for a while. I think it's a man thing and it's possible he's playing head games but even if not,, make him miss you by being quiet. I know the pain of heartache and heartbreak, it can be debilitating for some, I know it was for myself...have always said I'd rather have a broken bone...I've literally had a lot of broken bones...I walk around with metal in my ankle everyday. To add, it could end up being the best thing yall aren't together in the long run. Time will tell, I hope you find relief soon.
 

Friday

Moderator
I am dumbfounded--how can someone do this? How can they just push someone away that they love, with no regard for what they are doing?
Devildog here…

Black & White // All or Nothing thinking.

The exact same way you would kill EVERYTHING, if you came home and found him shooting your kids. Finis. Done. Justified.

Some things? RATE that response.

Full stop.

PTSD provokes that level of f*ck you… because it’s Tuesday. Or you didn’t leave enough coffee to share. Or you twitched your left hip whilst pulling on your knickers. Or whatever f*cking bullshit “reason” because feeeeelings. 🤢 Unsat. Unacceptable. f*ck. That. Noise.

Which creates a bit of crazy… as they know -later- what they did was unsat, and you have all the history of (not crazy) plus present normal to make it all WTFO?!?

When you’re dealing with PTSD? You’re dealing with crazy. Outta the clear blue sky, as well as ‘predictable is preventable’ crazy.

It’s not you.
It’s not your kids.
But?
It IS them. And how they will be. For always.

Sometimes more, amd sometimes less. But always. There will be random ass weird as f*ck ‘do not rate’ seeeeriously f*cked up thought processes/behaviours. Maybe not for 10 years. Maybe 6 times a day.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Devildog here…

Black & White // All or Nothing thinking.

The exact same way you would kill EVERYTHING, if you came home and found him shooting your kids. Finis. Done. Justified.

Some things? RATE that response.

Full stop.

PTSD provokes that level of f*ck you… because it’s Tuesday. Or you didn’t leave enough coffee to share. Or you twitched your left hip whilst pulling on your knickers. Or whatever f*cking bullshit “reason” because feeeeelings. 🤢 Unsat. Unacceptable. f*ck. That. Noise.

Which creates a bit of crazy… as they know -later- what they did was unsat, and you have all the history of (not crazy) plus present normal to make it all WTFO?!?

When you’re dealing with PTSD? You’re dealing with crazy. Outta the clear blue sky, as well as ‘predictable is preventable’ crazy.

It’s not you.
It’s not your kids.
But?
It IS them. And how they will be. For always.

Sometimes more, amd sometimes less. But always. There will be random ass weird as f*ck ‘do not rate’ seeeeriously f*cked up thought processes/behaviours. Maybe not for 10 years. Maybe 6 times a day.
Yes I agree with @Friday . When I was younger, if I couldn't deal with my thoughts and emotions about my reality then I would "Change Everything" regardless of other people's feelings. Because if I couldn't deal with my feelings then I sure as he'll couldn't deal with anyone else's. That's ptsd in overdrive unfortunately.
 

Weemie

MyPTSD Pro
PTSD provokes that level of f*ck you… because it’s Tuesday.

Yup. I'm the same way & I will leave the situation before I do something unforgivable to the person I'm around (such as physically harm them or frighten them in another way.) I did this with my ex a lot and he couldn't handle it (& would react with abandonment triggers & clinginess and that made me even worse because screech.)

To him and everyone else it looked like I just up and left for no reason. To me the reason was it was Tuesday and I couldn't tolerate it and I had to stop interacting with him or else I would harm him even worse than just leaving the situation.

It was never anything to do with him && was always my own shit. But when u involve other human beings into the mix and feelings/emotions that don't always compute logically especially when you're not able to effectively communicate what is going on it's not easy to not take it personally at times.

My suspicion is as well that when your trauma involves some level of perpetration activation and training to specifically react with unadulterated aggression in the most efficient and fastest and hardest way possible (such as ex military) that these responses can be a lot more explosive and aggressive. When I was a kid I would go berserk button and physically attack people. For just looking at me funny. Bc that is what I was taught to do. & also what he would have been taught to do as well.

Not everyone gets PTSD (you mentioned also military for yourself) but when you do get PTSD and have that history it can be explosive and sudden and aggressive and normally, entirely nonsensical.

As an adult the only method of prevention I have against doing that is leaving the situation. Because when you get that activated you can't stop and let's sort this out. Let's have a discussion and compromise and send over the diplomats. You don't get that degree of logical processing when your heartrate and blood pressure are thru the roof. Your frontal lobe shuts off completely and your inhibitions are lowered and you are in full attack mode.

When I am so irrational that all I want to do is smash people to smithereens (&& this year alone I have gotten into 2 assault altercations initiated by me) the only thing I remember how to do is GTFO. Treatment taught me the best option is to completely stop and disengage at all costs no matter what.
 
D

DumName

I’m sorry, can you give any insight or resolve to the last few weeks since? I’m going through it now after a year and a half together. 😔
 

greengirl

New Here
Honestly, there has been no resolve to this. Since our last weekend together, I've called to check in and see how he's been doing about once a week--he doesn't answer
I've texted also---no response. I know that I am not blocked and he is recieving my messages.I dropped something in his mailbox for his birthday too. I'm trying to be there from the sidelines but also don't want him to feel like I am smothering him at the same time
It came up in my calendar last week that it was our one year anniversary---makes me sad to think that this is it. I've gone through my own mourning process, which kind of feels like a death to me. He was here one day and gone the next---no goodbye, no f*ck you---just silence
 
S

Sara_R

I'm in the same boat right now and it hurts so much to feel like you were so happy and loved one day then dropped like a hot coal the next. No response, no regard, just radio silence. I feel your pain 😞. The uncertainty of whether this is permanent or if he'll come back is killing me, but i know i have to come to terms with it and move on for my own sanity.
 
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