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"drunk dream" fiasco - ptsd nightmare?

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Chitoshi

MyPTSD Pro
Hi everyone, I've been doing really well lately, which is why I haven't been on since April. I had my trip to Ireland (my boyfriend proposed, we're engaged, yay!), and I'm starting internship in 2 days. Two. Days. I've been handling my anxiety with the resulting changes like a CHAMP, my therapist says (go me!).

Until this morning. I had a dream that I got super drunk and cheated on my fiance. What? I woke up and felt like I'd just been drowned in a sea of nausea, adrenaline, and literally couldn't breath. Ok so it's a panic attack, I cheated on him in a dream and am still riding the resulting guilt wave that came from dream-state-fiance saying that he'd texted my friend about "what I did" and let me know that she had "plenty of time to answer."

I have rising anxiety and a knot in my stomach.

I flew to Google and the idea of "Drunk Dreams" came up? I've been doing so well, and the website I was on says that Drunk Dreams are what happens when addict brains are going back to normal? I've never been a substance abuser, but I was raped while I was drunk then later did something I regret because of a panic attack (see below*). Would this be resulting guilt coming back to haunt me? I'm supposed to go dress shopping today. My friends are taking me out for breakfast and mimosas in two hours. I just want to cry.

I didn't cheat. I have all of the resulting feelings like I cheated. Why is this happening? I thought I was doing really well.

*I texted a guy I no longer have contact with that I was in an unhealthy friendship with an underwear photo because he pressured me and I had a panic attack. This was two years ago and I did it so he'd leave me alone, my fiance and I have reconciled that. I have a "harassment procedure" sheet of phone numbers and people I can contact if I feel unsafe now, and a list of places I can go no questions asked.

I just keep asking why. I want to know if anyone else has had these? Is it normal? I feel like I can't tell him but of course that feels ridiculous. Any advice?

I need sympathy and some comforting thoughts right now. Thanks everyone.
 
Have I ever had that exact dream? No. But I've had some pretty strange and disturbing dreams. (I'd be willing to swap the dream about killing a baby with my bare hands for your dream, if your want.)

It was a dream. That's all it was. Somewhere in the deep reaches of your subconscious, it probably means something, but it probably had nothing to do with what it appears to be. It's more than likely some part of your brain mocking you with the idea that life is good and you'll find a way to mess it up.

I don't think you'll mess it up! You sound like you're doing great.

You'd probably feel better if you discussed it with your fiance. (You could start with something like "I had the most horrible dream imaginable, I'm SO upset!" Because that makes it clear from the start that you think cheating on him would be horrible.)

I think you can let yourself off the hook for this one. It was just a dream.
 
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