Chitoshi
MyPTSD Pro
Hi everyone, I've been doing really well lately, which is why I haven't been on since April. I had my trip to Ireland (my boyfriend proposed, we're engaged, yay!), and I'm starting internship in 2 days. Two. Days. I've been handling my anxiety with the resulting changes like a CHAMP, my therapist says (go me!).
Until this morning. I had a dream that I got super drunk and cheated on my fiance. What? I woke up and felt like I'd just been drowned in a sea of nausea, adrenaline, and literally couldn't breath. Ok so it's a panic attack, I cheated on him in a dream and am still riding the resulting guilt wave that came from dream-state-fiance saying that he'd texted my friend about "what I did" and let me know that she had "plenty of time to answer."
I have rising anxiety and a knot in my stomach.
I flew to Google and the idea of "Drunk Dreams" came up? I've been doing so well, and the website I was on says that Drunk Dreams are what happens when addict brains are going back to normal? I've never been a substance abuser, but I was raped while I was drunk then later did something I regret because of a panic attack (see below*). Would this be resulting guilt coming back to haunt me? I'm supposed to go dress shopping today. My friends are taking me out for breakfast and mimosas in two hours. I just want to cry.
I didn't cheat. I have all of the resulting feelings like I cheated. Why is this happening? I thought I was doing really well.
*I texted a guy I no longer have contact with that I was in an unhealthy friendship with an underwear photo because he pressured me and I had a panic attack. This was two years ago and I did it so he'd leave me alone, my fiance and I have reconciled that. I have a "harassment procedure" sheet of phone numbers and people I can contact if I feel unsafe now, and a list of places I can go no questions asked.
I just keep asking why. I want to know if anyone else has had these? Is it normal? I feel like I can't tell him but of course that feels ridiculous. Any advice?
I need sympathy and some comforting thoughts right now. Thanks everyone.
Until this morning. I had a dream that I got super drunk and cheated on my fiance. What? I woke up and felt like I'd just been drowned in a sea of nausea, adrenaline, and literally couldn't breath. Ok so it's a panic attack, I cheated on him in a dream and am still riding the resulting guilt wave that came from dream-state-fiance saying that he'd texted my friend about "what I did" and let me know that she had "plenty of time to answer."
I have rising anxiety and a knot in my stomach.
I flew to Google and the idea of "Drunk Dreams" came up? I've been doing so well, and the website I was on says that Drunk Dreams are what happens when addict brains are going back to normal? I've never been a substance abuser, but I was raped while I was drunk then later did something I regret because of a panic attack (see below*). Would this be resulting guilt coming back to haunt me? I'm supposed to go dress shopping today. My friends are taking me out for breakfast and mimosas in two hours. I just want to cry.
I didn't cheat. I have all of the resulting feelings like I cheated. Why is this happening? I thought I was doing really well.
*I texted a guy I no longer have contact with that I was in an unhealthy friendship with an underwear photo because he pressured me and I had a panic attack. This was two years ago and I did it so he'd leave me alone, my fiance and I have reconciled that. I have a "harassment procedure" sheet of phone numbers and people I can contact if I feel unsafe now, and a list of places I can go no questions asked.
I just keep asking why. I want to know if anyone else has had these? Is it normal? I feel like I can't tell him but of course that feels ridiculous. Any advice?
I need sympathy and some comforting thoughts right now. Thanks everyone.