Sufferer DXd cptsd, anxiety and panic disorders

MnM

Confident
Hate introductions 😬 but I've been dying for a support group of sorts. I know there are no answers, no cures, but I still want advice and community.

I think I'm finally accepting that my nervous trembling is here for a good long time, if not forever, that this new friend anxiety (I had NO idea) was here to stay and that it is in fact physically possible to live inside a state of panic and not be able to do anything about it.

I work as much as I want - my employer wants me to stick around so they're being very accommodating, which I've not experienced a lot before. My psych and therapist want me to stop working as I seem to be on this steady decline since The Last Event, but it's the only place I go and the only place I have social interaction, and I get to use my brain and rebuild some semblance of identity and/or confidence, so I'm resisting isolating myself further.

I have The Best Dog for this - an uber affectionate staffy rottie cross (whoever let those two dogs together is insane). She's demanding and talkative, full of cheek and play, facial expressions, and eye contact. She is my absolute joy and love these days - today I left work early so I could spend time with her outside before it got dark. 😂

I am struggling most with headaches, palpitations, sweating, nausea and loss of appetite (lost 10 lbs in a month), muscle tension. I constantly have to tell myself to relax and go through the body unleashing everything. Once I've gone through, I pretty much have to start over.

I am on sertraline 150mg and a shitload of CBD/THC. Psych wants to change meds as I'm worsening rather than improving - I'm terrified... I don't want the fullness of the symptoms the sertraline did address (30 hour full panic attacks, extreme body pain, and non stop crying), so I use the CBD/THC to treat those. I will agree to a med change at next appointment - I would like to feel like I'll be safe driving to a friend's place for dinner, or that I actually want people to come over. Or to not experience panic attacks worrying about the medication issue or losing my CBD/THC pen 🙄

I'm in a safe place in a safe environment and I am so grateful and couldn't imagine a better scenario for me right now - it was not that way until November when local floods took out transportation routes and I moved closer to work as the company asked me to guarantee I would come to work despite the road closures and landslides.

I imagine like many of you, The Last Event initiated a cascade of millions of events that have absolutely spun me. I and the farm I was working for was evacuated to forest fires in August for a month and then again to floods in November in a different city (I moved to escape the stress of the fires), and that's only two of what feels uncountable in the last six months.

My family doesn't know. They haven't asked. I haven't seen them since 2018, when I swore to myself I would not go see them again until one of them made the effort to see me. It's crickets, folks. The friends that know have been amazing. I feel very alone, but very supported also - something I've felt extremely rarely throughout my life.

A. This sucks. It sucks balls.
B. Glad to find this group.

Hugs y'all.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome to the forum. Sorry for what brought you here, but hope you find it helpful, supportive and validating. Look around the forum, different topics and threads so you will see that you are not alone.

You are doing all the right things and sounds like a wonderful support system too. Your dog sounds awesome!! It helps to have a furry critter that is happy to see us.

Glad you decided to get a little extra support. This is a hard journey so the more support we have the less alone we feel.
 

Sideways

Moderator
Welcome to the forum!

I have The Best Dog for this
When I did my "isolate from the entire world" thing, it was my dog pulled me out the other side. There's a lot of us here that will relate to that.

If you stick around, you'll no doubt come across some of the support staff being mentioned (Hero Dog, HD, deserves a special mention for the work they do behind the scenes). I don't believe anyone has claimed the title of TBD for their support worker yet, so welcome TBD as well!
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
I think I'm finally accepting that my nervous trembling is here for a good long time, if not forever, that this new friend anxiety (I had NO idea) was here to stay and that it is in fact physically possible to live inside a state of panic and not be able to do anything about it.

hello mnm. congratulations on finding the courage to come out of the shadows. may this courageous act lead you to healing places.

radical acceptance of my anxiety and all it's gnarly side effects, was an important therapy breakthrough in my own case. with that radical acceptance, i am better able to find effective, sustainable solutions for those gnarly side effects that the fight to be something i am not would never allow me to see, much less implement.

but that is me and every case is unique.

gentle support while you sort your own case.
 
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