Dysfunctional Families: "don't Rock The Boat"

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Powder

MyPTSD Pro
In addition to the abuse, My family was very dysfunctional. They would likely be a slightly more severe form of dysfunction.

One of my T's could predict very quickly how it was at home just based on the sexual abuse because of the fact that it goes within Dysfunctional family. I wonder if this is mislabeled though.

It should usually be termed Dysfunctional Parenting when children are young and Family when the children are now parents or adults and perpetuating the behaviors in their new group or family.

I seem to have picked up opposite type of behaviors within this list: helicopter parenting and perfectionism. Helicopter parenting: (I don't allow my two children to bicker or fight because it's triggering to me; I banish all aggression or conflict). Perfectionism: (I thought I got rid of this in myself, but I see that I now project it! I don't let my kids participate in very much, partly due to being over-protective and fatigued, since I won't just let them be around other adults without my being present and I don't have the time, money, or energy for much. But I also don't want them doing thing they are not naturally good at. Again, I rationalize this. I overprotect from failure and its pain. I also have not liked paying for a bunch of "stuff" that they then tire of and I can't sell. It's frustrating.)

But at least I don't do the worse things that my parents did. I wish I didn't have any of these. I probably need to process my fears more with my PTSD and find ways to allow my kids to have more freedom to argue, fight, and participate in hobbies and social things. The problem is that I need a strengthening to my sense of self to project a rosier belief of the world. But I know it can be "faked until made".

Here's the Dysfunctional Family (actually quite informative for Wikipedia) article: Dysfunctional family - Wikipedia
 

Rain

Policy Enforcement
@Muse I made my mistakes the opposite of my childhood family and we became dysfunctional as a result. I spoiled my daughter rotten and surprised that she turned out the way she did. My son was a total mess and was killed many years ago, I still miss him.

I wish you the best but knowing you I think you are a very good mom because of how you interact in this world so no worries for you. I hope this helps out somewhat.:hug:
 

Powder

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you, Gizmo, with the death of my abusive father on 2/28, sudden as it was, I'm feeling I guess pretty angry with life right now. I feel anger at life for how its treated some of us worse than most and how it keeps going (and how I feel angry that I can't stop it). Instead of seeing my overcoming things, I feel dragged into the pit.

I'm sick with Shingles that started prior to his death, and I had just been hopeful that switching meds made that needed difference. Instead, two missed doses in a row due to fatigue from my PTSD and autoimmunity, and I am even worse. Having so much sickness and pain yet still working, so tired. So broke. Just wondering why both my sister and I only seem to say "Why does life have to be this hard and painful forever?"
 

Rain

Policy Enforcement
@Muse I am sorry that you are so very sick and drained and exhausted at this time. I think it is time for some self care at this point for you.

You appear to need a lot of down time and good solid rest and I am so sorry that life is so very difficult at this time.

You have been sick for so long, I am concerned for you.

It is hard going when you are finding yourself fielding so many curves and fast balls, you seem so worn out and weary and it will get better.

I dont know what to say about the loss of your dad, I sure hope it is not triggering things within you at this time when you are so very sick.

You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for it seems.

I really hope that you get some good rest, you do deserve a good break especially being sick.
 

Powder

MyPTSD Pro
Today, I wonder why I'm not just trying to quit working altogether and give up trying. I'm doing fine as far as evaluation. I seem to be holding my own, but my health is just not great. Privately, I suffer pain, fatigue and illness almost every day to the point that I cannot walk or do anything else with my family. My work-life balance is whacked.

I have PTSD, Lupus, Chronic Shingles (the pain of the rash, in my eyes and everywhere on my body that it wants to go, plus the pain down my back and legs is very bad) Chronic Fatigue. I think the Lupus, or MCTD (they have to split the hairs in June for me I hope) is also causing neurological problems, I hear things, knocking on door, bells at work, disorienting me.

Not PTSD I think because not trauma triggered or trauma related in any way.
 

Powder

MyPTSD Pro
Oh, I forgot my tests show a weak immune system also, so can't fight off the Chickenpox virus. I'm supposed to be looking for T cell counts for possible cancer, maybe on a regular basis, due to the autoimmune disorder.

At this point, I can work, I just miss more work that most my age, and it's not for surgeries, it's actual ongoing illness. I miss out on life.
 

Rain

Policy Enforcement
@Muse :hug: I think maybe it is time for you to really think about quitting work for now until you get yourself back somewhat. You really are way overloaded.
 

Powder

MyPTSD Pro
@Muse I made my mistakes the opposite of my childhood family and we became dysfunction...

I hope someday you find out that this is not all your fault. I think PTSD can lead to taking all the blame, when we only deserve a part of it. You are a kind person to me. I'm so sad about your son's passing. I don't know your beliefs on afterlife, and you don't have to speak to it, but I am interested in hearing the thoughts of those who have lost someone and how the spirit world comes through, if at all. I hope you have or soon will have some peace in that regard.
 

Rain

Policy Enforcement
I hope someday you find out that this is not all your fault. I think PTSD can lead to taking all the blame, when we only deserve a part of it. You are a kind person to me. I'm so sad about your son's

Thank you so much for saying these things Muse, much appreciation for being so kind to me. I really needed to hear what you said about taking blame that is not mine. I have been noticing that I have been very hard on myself for the mistakes I made in my childrens lives. I guess I demand total and complete perfection out of myself which is extremly unrealistic. I have been working on self forgiveness but I see that I need to rethink this whole thing.

I don't know your beliefs on afterlife, and you don't have to speak to it, but I am interested in hearing the thoughts of those who have lost someone and how the spirit world comes through, i

I do believe that I will see my husband and my son again after I die. I do believe in God and the powers of prayer to a Higher Power. Lessons learned along my way.

It really helps me so much. I dont think it is a crutch. Both my husband and my son were tortured and tormented beings at their ends. I believe they will be whole when I see them again.
 

Powder

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you, @gizmo, it's nice to hear your online voice. Your words bring a lot of comfort to me every time I see them here. I hope that life brings you the same peace and comfort whenever you need it, too.

I don't ever want to see my father again in any way, now that he's dead, but I am feeling more peaceful in believing that his soul or whatever is on its journey. It helps me in ways I needed to feel some more letting go. Seeing that it's not all about me and my trauma, and that everyone has their own journey. This was sort of calming for me in a good way. I guess whether or not you know or want to meet again, its good to know we all have our own path to take.
 

Rain

Policy Enforcement
Seeing that it's not all about me and my trauma, and that everyone has their own journey. This was sort of calming for me in a good way. I guess whether or not you know or want to meet again, its good to know we all have our own path to take.

It is funny how I came to the same realization pretty recently and it too brought me a measure of real peace.

I consider you a good friend @Muse and always enjoy speaking with you.
 

Freedomfighter

MyPTSD Pro
Oh, I forgot my tests show a weak immune system also, so can't fight off the Chickenpox virus. I'm supposed...
After I got PTSD my immune system worsened. To this day I believe there is a connection. Physical health is severely affected by this condition. To me there is no doubt about that. When a person is attacked mentally then the mental immune system is affected, that bleeds into the physical well being of a human too.

Sure that a lot of doctors do not share that opinion. But I have poured over my own physical health conditions after I got PTSD and since I got that condition a myriad of health problems appeared. I study a lot of health matters online and now for over two years am comprising my own physical health care treatments and boy: how enlightening and interesting that is..

If a medical doctor wants to diagnose me that is fine, but I will still go home and research it intensively, check the doctor's opinion against the diagnoses of other doctors and what they advise their patients.

The power of the patient to truly be in charge of their own health and to improve their own longevity has finally arrived via the use of the internet, what a powerful companion to the patient that is willing to do the work it takes to be in their best health ever.

Lots of work indeed, often daily, but the outcome is truly amazing.....
 
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