K
kandy
My CPTSD and Secondary PTSD are extremely interwoven with my anorexia. Its crazy how disorders have tentacles that find their way into every nook and cranny of your life. I'll have nightmares, then restrict as long as i can, all the while drinking espresso to avoid sleep, then sip from a bottle of burbon on an empty stomach to make myself sleep (I'm 24, but have been drinking on and off since 16). I'll wake up feeling like crap, drink a cup of tea, nibble on the same piece of toast for 3 hours, eventually throwing it away with less than a quarter of it eaten, and then stare off into space for god knows how long. Then I fall asleep and the cycle restarts. I'm about 20lbs underweight, and at the second lowest weight I've ever been at. The worst part is, my family founded a nonprofit to help victims of ptsd and suicidal ideations, and here i am killing myself in silence. I feel so lost, and don't know if I can snap out of it this time....