I have an addiction to food, binge eating disorder. This started at a very young age after the abuse I went through. I turned to food as I had no one to talk to and I ate to try and cover emotions and block out the pain.
Ive suffered from ED problems for the last 20 years, they started when i had my first breakdown at 16, food just became something frightening. Over the years ive dealt with it in different ways, i dont think it ever really goes away, but it can be managed. It comes back worse for me when things start to feel out of control or my anxiety is high, but im not as frightened of it as i used to be, its just one of those things
Since I was born with a milk allergy & fed canned goats milk as an infant & later forced to drink milk because "it was good for my health", I think I can see where my food confusion stems from! After years of kidney infections & years of antibiotics & sulfur based medications, I was having massive problems with food. Then I added in drugs & it didn't matter because I stopped feeling altogether! Since I was a "functioning addict" & worked tirelessly, no one complained other than not understanding why I refused to eat ice cream or drink milk products.
My cheese addiction was nothing compared to my intake of candy, yoghurt & fast foods. But I figured it was okay since I wasn't drinking or eating full fat products! Following the Doctors orders for low cholesterol, right? It only took about 40 years for my body to say "ENOUGH" & give me a ton of trouble. So, I had to do my own diagnosing & I took a chance on PALEO. It was what I needed to cleanse my body of toxins & get a taste to real food. It is not a diet. I live paleo and consider it a lifestyle choice. I should have been dead years ago & I am still alive. I will always be an addictive personality & I have to remember that each time I open the jar of honey. Moderation is now a part of my daily life. Yes, I know I am a food addict. But now I don't have food cravings that send me to the nearest market for a candy bar! One dried fig is so much better.:p<shame on Nabisco for making them into nasty cookies!
I have had EDNOS for nearly 10 years now. Cycling starvation with binge eating and over excercise etc. 5 years ago I started actively trying to recover and it took years but I am much better now. I going more the binge eating route at the moment but not too badly and I think I can cope. I personally am not sure the thoughts will ever leave but I have more control over my actions now.
With regard to it being to-do with my trauma for me it directly was. My mum was obsessed with weight and would judge my sister and I was also bullied about how I looked. Combine that with the lack of control in other parts of my life and it turned into an iron control over my food and excercise for a bit and then a complete loss of control, constantly fluctuating.
I think it has caused me alot of health issues further down the line, and really it's just another issue to add to the list.
I am sorry you are struggling with it at the moment, eating disorders are not a good place to be.
Hi, i am new i have suffered from anorexia since age 8 when my abuse started I started hiding foods in hope someone would find it and figure out there was a problem and well it spiraled out into so many things numbing feelings and just trying to be small and nothing. it has been a huge struggle i am 30 i have suffered for 22 years and been in and out of treatment for it and well its always been a big struggle mixed with dealing with trauma. I hope you can get helped it is a sad life and i don't wish it on anyone...
I'm what you'd call a "recovered" addict. I think things never go away but always need to be managed once the problem is laid bare. I have been anorexic, bulimic, binge and overexercised etc. Took a long time before I was able to cope with it and the trauma as it's source. It can get a lot better. I have found people who have gone through other addiction recovery to be helpful.
I've been anorexic, bulimic, and had serious issues with over exercise. I have purged in years and don't think I will. The other issues still come up from time to time, but with much less intensity and never as long. And yes, it's very linked to trauma.
Yes, I am in the throws of dealing with this horrible disorder and working on helping myself move farther along the path to healthiness. It's multi-faceted and hard as heck to deal with. When the ED lies are circling in my brain, I try to remember that it's not about what I'm eating, it's about what's eating me. This leads me back to the path of dealing with the trauma. There is a great deal of literature/studies regarding the link between EDs and trauma. I know that I won't heal from ED until I've made more progress in healing my spirit and emotions.
Are you working with a team on your recovery? What seems to be working for you? How can we help?