Effects of trauma by former partner. What is this?

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The ongoing confusion about his unexplained behaviour, has left me to question my core ability to accurately read and interpret people. And in fact, to over-analyse and reasses our whole history together. Do I have a reason to question the very essence of the man with whom I have shared over two decades with being able to instinctively read each other’s emotions and finish other’s sentences half-way? Did he abuse/take advantage of my empathy for his selfish gain? Is this narcissim and had I suddenly become a supply? Whereas I have always been able to trust my gut feeling and judgment of character, I now feel that both my mind and body is now experiencing symptoms a kin to PTSD following this bewildering encounter.

Apologies for the long backstory.... Nevertheless, I feel that it is needed for relevant character reference. We met over 20yrs ago whilst working together in the same company. There was an instant magnetic chemistry and „I’ve met my soulmate“ kind of energy btw us. We were ambitious and outgoing young professionals in high stress business environment. He is a compassionate and charismatic man who has always been very considerate of others and their feelings. We both felt that our interaction and support for each other pushed us both to pursue and achieve our individual career and life goals. Within the course of the initial 14months, our interaction evolved from sharing mutual interests and close bonded friendship to sexual relationship and expressions of love. For 2yrs we lived in an affair whilst still staying with our respective longstanding partners. Though you may of course condemn both of us for cheating on our spouses, at the time our lives were so naturally intertwined through work and shared hobbies, that it seemed as if we lived parallel lives instead of an affair. Both of us acknowledged the respective partners and neither of us ever said a bad word about their existence or character. With time, we both recognized that our relationship was something special and made the decision to separate from our partners. In the end, the separations were amicable for all parties concerned as there seemed to be a shared understanding that we all had simply grown apart.

Our love and commitment grew stronger than ever and, in a bliss, we actively started to plan building a home and our life together. The following years we enjoyed the fruits of all the hard work - we built our dream house, both of us enjoyed great career success, travelled the world together and revelled in quiet nights at home just soaking in the emotional intimacy, love and passion we shared for one another. Sadly, it was also the time when we experienced devastating pain, grief and disappointment. We went through four 2nd trimester miscarriages in 4 years - trauma of loss that neither of us was able to adequately process on our own or together. Instead, one or both of us threw ourselves into work, on occasions flying off to overseas assignments for months. Yet throughout this devastating time neither of us ever had to question the love and devotion for one another. There was never any conflict or blame, we just sort of grieved alongside one another not knowing how to get out of the darkness. In hindsight, it is clear that the both of us were severely depressed just disguising it as we had always been high-functioning individuals who when they fell and failed, just picked themselves up and carried on. With time, our always so open communication of thoughts and feelings became utterly disrupted. I found it difficult to admit my depression and sadness to him and I felt that he had started to tiptoe around me. Though I missed and longed for the emotional intimacy and his love, it seemed that as if a wall had grown btw us. We both started to find excuses for getting home later and later. The night before our 11th anniversary, I told him that I needed time alone to sort myself out and moved out of our home. By then, I felt that I had failed as a woman, as his partner. During the next couple of months, we hardly communicated at all apart from him texting me every night “I love you! I miss you! I miss us”. Though I felt the same, I was so withdrawn to myself that I rarely was able to bring myself to reply and express myself.

Through mutual acquaintances I learned that he had started to spend his evenings having dinner out alone or w/ friends/business partners often till the late hours. On one of those drunken nights he ended up having sex with a woman he had met at a nightclub that night. The next day while running errands, I saw them from a distance stepping out of a hotel and kissing before parting ways. I felt simultaneously deeply hurt and at the same time utterly numb. Later that week he called me nd we ended up having lunch. Neither of us mentioned the other woman. We mostly sat in silence just looking at each other. When we left the restaurant, he hugged me and we held each other tightly. I felt a rush of love and a bolt of pain going through me. But I simply couldn’t say a word. I just felt numb. I couldn’t turn back the time and at the same time struggled to see a reason to go on.

Next time I saw him, was two months later when I found him waiting by my apartment. Asking to come in and talk. It was the night I heard him confess about that night at the hotel. And about the fact that the one-night stand had ended in a pregnancy. He told me that he was not involved with the woman but did fully intend to accept his paternity and support the woman in raising the child. I said nothing! He sat for a while longer and then left. Once again, I just felt numb. He emailed me a week later to say that he had accepted another business project overseas. I used the chance to go back to our house and moved out all my things. Standing there before leaving, I couldn’t understand how our life had changed so drastically within a mere year.

We ended up selling the dream house we’d built and settled on living separate lives. I had accepted an offer to oversee a merger abroad and thus spent the next 24mnths mostly abroad.

Once the baby was born, he started spending time with the child and eventually a year or so later, moved in with the mother. He had his little family. And despite my own pain, I was happy for him. As the months went on, we occasionally called or met up and our friendship began to regain its former intimacy.

2,5 years into the relationship, he separated from the woman and continued to coparent the child. Whilst on my assignment abroad, I had started a new relationship of my own and felt happy again. After I returned home, my new partner and I continued doing long-distance for a while but did eventually part our ways as the long-distance took its toll.

Both of us being single again, we often met up for dinner after work or for a friendly match of tennis on the weekends. He introduced me to his son and I loved seeing him in the role of the father. Though there were moments when either of us could easily have given into the sexual energy that had never faded btw us, the relationship remained platonic.

Then, about a year later, we ran into each other at an annual business event abroad. We shortly left the event to have dinner, talked for hours and ended up making love. Being together again in each other’s embrace, it felt as all the sorrows and troubles of the interim years had been erased.
We made a spur of moment decision and flew out on a holiday together. For those 2 weeks we explored the sites, just soaking up each other’s company holding hands, making love and talking into the wee hours of the morning. Openly going through each thought and emotion we had experienced during the past 16years. Together and separately. Going through it all brought on joy, grief and love. In the end it was a much-needed release and cathartic eyeopener for both of us. We finally realized how each experience be it good or bad had shaped us individually as well as our relationship with each other. When we returned from the holiday, we agreed that we both wanted to commit to each other but decided to take it slow. I was about to take on a new position that took me out of the country every other week. Whilst I felt excited about the new prospects of both my career and our relationship, he grew increasingly bored in his professional life and as the months rolled on, developed a habit of spending his time wining and dining. The latter had always been an inevitable part of the business culture in our industry, but until now he had always maintained healthy levels and taken care of his health and fitness. Yet, in the course of the year I noticed that his consumption of alcohol had started to seriously affect his health. On his days alone without the company of me or his son, he progressively spent his nights overindulging in food&wine, gaining an unhealthy amount of weight and cutting down on his exercise routine. The sluggishness and weight gain eventually began to also affect his mood. He expressed disappointment in himself and his self-confidence had clearly declined. On the weeks when we were home together, I continued the active lifestyle that we both had always enjoyed. However, with time, he refrained from participating in the activities. Ultimately for the sake of his mental and physical health and for the future prospects of relationship with both his son and myself, I presented him with an ultimatum to take better care of his health. Whereas, having gone through rough patches of poor mental and physical health myself, I understood that sometimes even the strongest of us fell off the track. Yet seeing the fast decline in his wellbeing, I was unwilling to support his self-destructive lifestyle. He fully admitted to the problem, and took on a new healthy regimen of exercise and diet with great results to start with. The term of my 18month contract aboard was fast approaching its term and we both looked forward to spending more time together and even talked about trying for a baby of our own. And then just before I returned home, he suddenly decided to resign from his position and after that quickly relapsed back to his former habit of unhealthy overindulgence. Providing very little explanation to me or others about the resignation/future plans he closed himself up. Consequently, with the depression and a lot of spare time his overindulgence spiralled again. A year in, I cut off our relations and embarked on new opportunities both in my career and personal life. I felt that if he himself was unwilling to take charge of his life, no one else could do the work for him. Maybe I should have remained by his side as he had through my darkest days after the miscarriages, when he patiently loved and cared for me never pushing me to pick myself up when I felt so down?! Well I can not turn back the clock…

From what I saw or heard from a distance he continued to burn the candle on both ends. In the course of it, he started a new relationship with a new woman. She quickly moved in and within months she was pregnant with his child. After the birth, he straightened himself up but their relationship was strained by the normal stresses that life with a newborn, blended families and postpartum insecurities inevitably presents. When the child was 16mths old, the woman threatened and tried to commit suicide, him eventually ending up saving her life that day. Utterly traumatic experience for the whole family, that would have required adequate attention and aftercare from mental health professionals. With the lack of such support, they both went down the path of addiction and co-dependency. Six months later, he called me and we ended up having a long conversation. Couple of days later, out of the blue the woman called me to give me her side of the story. I heard her characterize him as violent and abusive against her and his children, both physically and emotionally. Those statements came as utter shock and seemed unbelievable to me as throughout the two decades I had never seen him display any form of aggression towards anybody. He had always been empathetic, compassionate and caring towards his family, friends and even random acquaintances. I had never witnessed him raise his voice or loose temper in any interaction, however provoked the altercation was. Even on those occasions during the recent period of overconsumption, that I had witnessed him in a drunken state, he always maintained his characteristic calm and collected disposition. Although I knew the woman through my network, I was not part of their relationship and thus just listened without making any assumptions in favour of either party. Weeks later his parents and many of our mutual friends reached out to me with concerns over the rumours of the tumulus relationship and homelife he and the woman supposedly had. None of them had seen any change of character in him that the woman had implied to him having. In the course of the next months, we occasionally called and texted, and I let him know that I was still there for him if he needed a friend. Last fall, he travelled abroad to his holiday home by himself and during those weeks he spent abroad we had long and intimate conversations over the phone about his feelings, fears, the trauma and aftermaths of her suicide attempt. He never spoke a bad word about the woman or accused her of anything. During our correspondence, I began to get strange texts and voicemails from her, that revealed that though being miles apart, she was somehow tracking his phone’s position and reading our texts (I later on found out the she had access to his Apple/imessage account). She started sending me texts using his imessage account during the night in his name. As the content and wording of the texts seemed so out of character, I had difficulties in interpreting them as his from the get go. I also never reacted or replied. A month later he was on his way back home and we ended up meeting half way as I had a coinciding layover in the same city. We ended up spending a couple of days together as friends just talking and walking around the city. Observing and listening to him, it became clear to me that he was battling severe depression and, on some nights, over-using alcohol to self-medicate. Finding out that we had ended up meeting each other on the layover, his partner went ballistic with her calls and texts. Going as far as threatening the safety of their child and her own life. I felt that though sent to both him and me, it was no place for me to respond. Though it made me very concerned about her state of mind – using an innocent child as means of emotional manipulation and grossly violating other’s right to privacy, goes beyond any acceptable behaviour however stressful the situation. On the third day, we ended up taking the long route and drove back home using the drive-time to talk. Arriving back in the country, I dropped him off at his parents’ place. They both were battling ill health recovering from cancer treatment and a recent stroke respectively. As I had always had very good relations with them, I stayed for a cup of tea at his mother’s invitation. We all ended up talking for hours, reminiscing about the past as well as discussing the latest developments in his family life. He still shared a very close and open bond with his parents. The info and view of the events coincided on all counts with that what I had heard him telling me before. I left and drove myself home leaving him with his parents. Later that evening, he texted me asking if he could stay over for the night at my guest bedroom. On occasions during our years apart, he had stayed over for a night or two. I had always welcomed my friends to come for a stay whenever they needed a neutral and calm place of refuge. He cooked us dinner, we talked and watched a movie and went to sleep. In our separate bedrooms. He extended his stay and we continued the routine of cooking dinner, just talking and watching some feelgood movie for the following 2 weeks. As I was going through a period insomnia at the time, we both had trouble sleeping through the night and thus on most nights often continued our talks through the night over a cup of tea or just laying next to each other. During the day I went by my office and he stayed in the apartment making calls or having a meeting in town. Every other day, we drove to his parents’ house to make lunch and check upon them. Suddenly one night at the end of the first week, his partner ended up at my apartment building, got into the lobby as someone was exiting and then went by door to door asking where I lived. As we had already gone to sleep, I had missed the countless texts and calls she had made about coming over asking us/him to open the door. She eventually reached my apartment trying to enter the locked door and shouting&banging to open up demanding me to allow to talk to him. As it was past midnight, I calmly asked her to stop and leave before I called the police for her disrupting everyone’s sleep and for trying to forcefully enter my property. She eventually left and drove off. We went back to bed, both of us overwhelmed by the experience.

The next day he called to consult a lawyer about a reasonable course of action for reaching a custody and alimony agreement. At the same time, he started searching online for an appropriate interim apartment where he could stay and his children could visit until the separation was settled. As the child and mother were living in the house, he wanted to protect the child’s home environment and safety avoiding any kind of hostile eviction or altercation scenario. Such intent seemed very reasonable to both me and the lawyers.

At the same time throughout the next days she followed up with nonstop texts to both of our phones either threatening to kill herself, report him for domestic violence, or on another spectrum luring him with sexy pics and sweet talk. In my thoughts, I was concerned as to how she was in any state to take care of a small child whilst behaving so irrationally. But I refrained from making any comments or judgement. It was their relationship and theirs alone. I could only interpret and judge the behaviour and words that he expressed in our friendship. And throughout the period his storyline and behaviour remained constant. Be it expressed in interactions with me, his parents, the lawyers, the mutual longstanding friends we met up during his stay. On the second week he arranged to meet up with her at a presence of a family therapist they had consulted with before, to calmly talk to her about the situation and the future. He went to the designated meeting point only to discover that she had contacted the therapist to say that the meeting was called off at the last minute. He returned to the apartment feeling defeated and not knowing how to proceed. For the next days, the woman didn’t reply to any of his calls/texts. At the same time, she chose to contact almost every person in their social circle telling them how he had evicted her and the child from their house, cut off access to funds leaving her w/no option but to ask their circle of friends for money for food and accommodation. Blatant false statements.

Two days later I left to office in the morning. Around noon I came back home and saw that he had gone out. Texted to ask if he had gone for a run or smth. Got a reply that he had decided to go by the house knowing that the woman was out running errands. A text following couple of hours later, said “please give me some time whilst I sort this out” . That was the last I heard of him for a week. Then, a week later he texted that he would come by to collect his suitcase and return my keys. Instead I decided to drive over to his front gate, dropped the case at his feet, took the keys from him and promptly left without exchanging a word with him.

Later that month I learned that he had gone over to his best friend’s house (male) and chosen to stay the night, when the woman suddenly came by to ask him to come home. When he told her that he was already in bed and staying put for the night, the woman called the police reporting domestic violence. He eventually left with her, not wanting to traumatize the friend’s daughter and disturb the rest of the apartment block. Next morning the friend texted on a group chat that we had created during his stay with me – asking how the night had ended. He only replied that he was very sorry for bringing so much drama to our lives. I said nothing. The friend later told me that there had been no violence or hardly even words beyond the one sentence exchanged btw him and the woman. The friend had been shaken to the core by witnessing such erratic behaviour and staged altercation by the woman and ultimately expressed concern about their toxic relationship.

The same afternoon he sent me a private message that he regretted that I had been caught in the mess of his relationship. 2 hours later, the text was followed by a separate one “Get out of our lives!” and that one later on with yet another one stating “ Left the house. Boarding a flight to …. Will call you later” and then after midnight “ I am cutting of any and all relations with you. Never contact me again. And stop talking $#%^ about … (the woman)”

I woke up the next morning and read the last message. I was so baffled by the mixed messages, that despite my better judgement, I ended us texting him a reply “ ???. I am not the one who is talking $#%^ about others here “

it was followed up by a reply riddled with grammatical errors.” Starting out stating that it was namely him who was texting. Asking me to stop taking his calls and replying to his texts. Stating that my texts were always full of grand words but little substance. Asking me to stop blaming … (the woman). Stating that her aggression towards me and him was understandable whereas he had caused a lot of $#%^ to her and the family. Once again – do not reply to my calls or messages. If you cared as much as you seem to let on, you should be able to comprehend the fact that I only call to seek out dummies who are willing to listen to my $#%^. The truth is, a relationship with you brings nothing good to my life. I only end up losing more of myself and my family. You have no family of your own, so you will never understand these values. I beg you – don’t write to me and don’t take my calls, if you ever wish to communicate with me again. “

Making so many or in fact any grammatical errors, is so out of character to him. I also notocied that the texts also contained words and expressions that he had never used before. Stabbing me into the heart with not having a family after all that we had gone through?! This from a man who often went to sit on his own at the memorial of the babies we had lost?!

Was it really written and sent by him or sent in his name by the woman as she had done before on countless occasions (would explain the grammar, as the language used in the texts was not native to her)?

These are the last words I’ve heard from him since last year. Given how out of character to him this all seems, I still doubt that those words were expressed by him. At the same time though, I am having very hard time understanding how come he has not reached out to say anything about the situation, if indeed it was not him?

Has he really suddenly turned into an aggressive, manipulating person who is so bluntly insulting me? Has this supposed drastic change of personality somehow been brought on by the alcohol addiction that he seems to have struggled with during the last years? Neither me or any of our longstanding close friends have ever seen him display any traits of NPD or emotional manipulation/abuse before. However, the last words in those texts could be interpreted as signs of classic narcissistic behaviour? Had there been red flags in front of me all these years and I simply missed/overlooked them? If so, how can I be sure that I am able to recognize those signs next time in another partner/person???

Or is this all the outcome of grossly manipulated communication (her texting in his name)?

Even now a year later, I feel that I lack the closure/ truth that would allow me to put this traumatic experience behind me and to trust my own judgment in others and most importantly in myself ever again… Though I desperately grave answers/reasoning for the perplexing change of character, some kind of inner self-preservation mechanism simply does not allow me to contact him for explanation. I have also consciously distanced myself from our mutual friends and the social circles where I might bump into him or any potential discussion about him. Luckily the coinciding pandemic and hindered social life has made this relatively simple. I just feel that any further info or opinion from a third party would only confuse me further… At the same time the fact that he himself has not reached out to me also speaks volumes… of something…. Yet gives no answers…
Being a highly analytical person who always seeks factual reasoning and resolution in every aspect of life, this ongoing confusion and self-doubt is heavily weighing on me on daily basis… affecting my new relationships both in private and professional life.
 
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Friday

Moderator
Being a highly analytical person who always seeks factual reasoning and resolution in every aspect of life, this ongoing confusion and self-doubt is heavily weighing on me on daily basis… affecting my new relationships both in private and professional life.
Hopefully then, the following can at least help point you in the right direction…

…but I’d strongly recommend working with a therapist at least for awhile… to avoid having to reinvent the wheel. If you haven’t worked wih a therapist before, if you’re in the US I’d also strongly recommend a psychologist, PsyD, or LCSW (licensed clinical social worker). If you’re going to seek expert advice/help? Best to go to Masters/Doctorate + a few thousand hours of supervised counseling… rather than the 90 day certification and hanging out a shingle, ya know?

I now feel that both my mind and body is now experiencing symptoms a kin to PTSD
None of the symptoms of PTSD are unique to PTSD. They’re all found in other disorders… as well as stand alone symptoms that can cause tremdoua problems in and of themselves, but that don’t quite rise to the level of a disorder.

For example: panic attacks / anxiety attacks (one symptom common with PTSD) are a symptom in many many other disorders, meanwhile panic attacks & anxiety attacks are central to Panic Disorder & GAD, and people can also “simply” suffer a panic attack or anxiety attack (or small handful of them) in relation to something going on in their lives.

Whereas, having gone through rough patches of poor mental and physical health myself,
Have you been diagnosed with a disorder, in the past?

Even without any current or history of having a disorder, it makes perfect sense why this is hitting you so hard, and causing such a profound effect on your life.
 
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D

Deleted member 51310

Hopefully then, the following can at least help point you in the right direction…

…but I’d strongly recommend working with a therapist at least for awhile… to avoid having to reinvent the wheel. If you haven’t worked wih a therapist before, if you’re in the US I’d also strongly recommend a psychologist, PsyD, or LCSW (licensed clinical social worker). If you’re going to seek expert advice/help? Best to go to Masters/Doctorate + a few thousand hours of supervised counseling… rather than the 90 day certification and hanging out a shingle, ya know?


None of the symptoms of PTSD are unique to PTSD. They’re all found in other disorders… as well as stand alone symptoms that can cause tremdoua problems in and of themselves, but that don’t quite rise to the level of a disorder.

For example: panic attacks / anxiety attacks (one symptom common with PTSD) are a symptom in many many other disorders, meanwhile panic attacks & anxiety attacks are central to Panic Disorder & GAD, and people can also “simply” suffer a panic attack or anxiety attack (or small handful of them) in relation to something going on in their lives.


Have you been diagnosed with a disorder, in the past?

Even without any current or history of having a disorder, it makes perfect sense why this is hitting you so hard, and causing such a profound effect on your life.
Dear Friday, thank you for taking the time to read through my ramblings and for the kind advice on therapy. You are right in pointing out that the symptoms and triggers may be associated with a myriad of other disorders. And no, I have not talked to a therapist about this experience. As it is, I have not even discussed about MY feelings with any of my friends.

With regards to PTSD, a psychologist referenced this during the grief counselling sessions we took following the miscarriages. But at the time, I did not do any follow up trauma therapy and regarded it as depression with only a brief period of medication. I am well aware that I still have a lot of unprocessed emotions from both the physical and psychological trauma of the miscarriages “lingering” that should be addressed. But as I mentioned, at the time, I carried on the best that I could and with time have made peace with myself. Considering, that the perplexing encounter with him is tied up to our past history incl the loss, I can recognize that his text reference to “you have no family of your own….”, him having fathered two children with other women, are all potential triggers of the past trauma.

Nevertheless, what I cannot comprehend at all is the sudden and drastic change of character and behavior in the abovementioned perplexing encounter. With no prior indicators of emotional abuse throughout the prior 20+ yrs, can a person really mask his “true” character for that long in a close and intimate relationship? What kind of a personality disorder is this – narcissist, sociopath? Or could the one-eighty turn be caused by his recent alcohol addiction and consequent changes in brain chemistry?

Were the abusive texts indeed written and sent by him at all? Maybe he is not aware of the texts at all? If not, then why has he not contacted me once during the past year and a half knowing how abrupt the situation was? Has he just decided to cut off all ties with me – as he wrote in the texts? Is there guilt and shame holding him back?

Not wanting to call up his parents or any of our mutual friends to inquire about him and the current situation to get some answers to all of it, is probably another sign of me not wanting to trigger something. At the time, our friendship had distanced during the past years and though we regained its former intimacy during time he spent living in my home and our communication during the months leading up to it, we were not part of each other’s day-to-day life. Though I will always love him as a man and close friend, I have consciously had no desire to rekindle our romantic relationship after the separation. But who knows maybe these is some regret about how things ended? Our lives have been entwined for so long that a completely separate reality is simply unknown to me. Further to my innate need for conflict resolution and clear settlement in all aspects of my life, this is partly the reason why this lack of closure for the parting of our relationship has been difficult to grasp.

Most importantly however. I will not tolerate any emotional or physical abuse towards myself or my loved ones, and thus I am blindsided as to how did I not foresee this kind of gaslighting coming from him. I just want to find an explanation and closure so that I would be capable of identifying and protecting myself from any such situation in the future.

My reluctance to reveal my vulnerability by talking about my experience and hurt feelings to our mutual friends prior to understanding the whole picture is partly motivated by my continuous loyalty and privacy protection towards his friendship. Which would be undeserved if indeed this is a case of black and white gaslighting. Nevertheless, as it all seems so out of character to him, a benefit of doubt still lingers and thus I am inclined to not breach that discretion by talking about our private matters.

Not knowing all the facts, I am also hesitant to turn to a local therapist about this in our relatively small community where both us are well recognized regardless of the patient confidentially And so the thoughts just keep on circling….
 

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
Not knowing all the facts, I am also hesitant to turn to a local therapist about this in our relatively small community where both us are well recognized regardless of the patient confidentially And so the thoughts just keep on circling….
therapy is possible for a- list celebrities confidentially - there is a way for everyone to work it out though it can feel odd at first . My Therapist used to have breaks between sessions so there was no client cross over , and now it’s all online with pandemic stuff . I also travelled some miles because I chose not to see someone on my small community but head a little further . It’s always possible to work this practical part out- now post pandemic more so than in the past where more online therapy is possible with credible professionals.
 
D

Deleted member 51310

@M
therapy is possible for a- list celebrities confidentially - there is a way for everyone to work it out though it can feel odd at first . My Therapist used to have breaks between sessions so there was no client cross over , and now it’s all online with pandemic stuff . I also travelled some miles because I chose not to see someone on my small community but head a little further . It’s always possible to work this practical part out- now post pandemic more so than in the past where more online therapy is possible with credible professionals.
@Mee - not a celebrity here - just a small country/population where the capital's active business/social community members are all publicly visible. Whereas the selection of experienced trauma therapists is fairly limited. Been looking for online sessions further afield, just yet to find the right match.
 

Mee

MyPTSD Pro
@M

@Mee - not a celebrity here - just a small country/population where the capital's active business/social community members are all publicly visible. Whereas the selection of experienced trauma therapists is fairly limited. Been looking for online sessions further afield, just yet to find the right match.
My point was of the most visible people in the world can achieve this with confidentiality in place so can the rest of us!

It might be worth seeing a Psychologist or psychiatrist to be pointed to the correct type of therapist for you. It might be that a trauma specialist ( as opposed to a therapist sensitive to trauma) might not be your best need ?
 
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