EMDR aftermath, Extra session?

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
Today, I realized that I tend to avoid working on on trauma by feeling bothered by other trauma. My T already knew this was going on. We are still trying to bring everything down in SUDS by using Flash EMDR before working out the detailed spots that really bother me. So, today we put both big T’s together into an opaque box. Did flash on that. Not sure if this was a great idea because now I feel like absolute shit. When I close my eyes, I hear my child part screaming that she is trapped in hell in that box. I know this all sounds pretty bizarre. But the traumas meshed together is like putting trauma feelings on steroids.

I want to reach out to my T for an extra session this week, but I’m only supposed to do that when I really need it. I’m not sure if wanting to feel better counts. It feels like I have the flu. My body aches, but I think this is trauma sensations. I’m really not sure. Any ideas here? Also, do any of you do Flash EMDR? Traditional emdr was always too overwhelming. I’d leave there pretty badly disassociated. The flash is usually less intense, until we put both events into that container together.
 

Wendell_R

MyPTSD Pro
When I close my eyes, I hear my child part screaming that she is trapped in hell in that box.
I’m not sure if wanting to feel better counts. It feels like I have the flu.
You know if you have the flu, life is miserable, but if you rest and have some soup, you'll feel better in a few days. But being trapped in hell in a box is a whole lot more to handle. So I would think that if the 'trapped in hell' sensation is intruding significantly, now would be a good time to check in with T.
 

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
@Wendell_R It is hard to say whether it is the “flu” or “hell,” though. I tend to be dependent and avoidant—very contradicting. I have tools. Am I using them? I’m really trying. I’m afraid that if I’m wrong, I’ll be stuck without help because my therapist only works M-W. Just my luck. I am out doing stuff. I just hate feeling this way and if I end up alone with myself…. That’s what I’m worrying about…. Or, maybe it will settle down by tomorrow.
 
My opinion is that it won't hurt anything to try to get an extra session with your T, and it might very well help.

You don't have to suffer alone. You have professionals who want to help you. Let them help.
 

Friday

Moderator
What’s the definition of “really need it”?

- Crisis beyond the ability of your therapist to help you, so someone can get you admitted to an inpatient program?

- Being completely overwhelmed by something new you and your therapist tried, and the tools in your box that usually work arent up to the task, so you could really use some assistance in learning how to manage this new level / new kind of symptom spike?
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
Sounds like you need it. There are points in EMDR when stuff shakes loose by itself and you have no way of putting it back in the box until your next visit. If it hurts and its trauma memories - go.
 

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
@Friday choice number 2. There were some problems a few months back where I was overwhelmed and seeing my T twice a week. The insurance company started questioning my T why I was coming in so often because I was getting close to running out for the year. (30 sessions a year without approval, then you have to get approval 10 at a time). At that point, my T asked me to only ask to come in extra when I really need it. Then, I changed insurance. This one doesn’t have a cut off for visits as long as it is medically necessary. I feel kind of like the girl who cried wolf when I ask to come in extra.

I just spent my day with a friend and her little one and didn’t think of trauma the entire time. As long as my mind is occupied, I’ll be okay. I just hate how hard this all is.
 

Sues

Confident
You are doing great Skywatcher! It is hard. It's so hard to do this healing thing. It's ok that you need help. Please remember that you are worthy of support and help. You deserve to see your therapist extra when you are struggling. You don't have to 'white knuckle it' when you're having a hard time. That's what your therapist is for.
 

Skywatcher

MyPTSD Pro
I’ve been reluctant to write anymore on this thread. I did reach out to my T. She has never “not replied” on the day of a phone call/extra session request…. Until last Tuesday. I went through all of the reasons it could have been in my head and created a plan of action if she hadn’t replied the next day. Xanax/sleep. Luckily, I heard back Wednesday morning, but no openings on her 1/2 day—except for one that she offered really early when I was still asleep. Oh well. At least she listed another tool. One that actually helped quite a bit. I’m now in kind of a weird feeling spot. I keep wondering if she is enough for what I need. I absolutely love her. Like the wide eyed child loves her mom. And attachment is a huge amount of our work. But we are working on trauma. Doing emdr and she only works 2.5 days a week at the moment. When I started with her years ago she was there 4 days a week. It should go back to 3 in a few weeks…. I hope?
 

Sues

Confident
I'm glad you reached out to your therapist. Please don't be reluctant to post. This is a great place to get support, even if you just want to vent. I'm sorry your therapist didn't have any openings to accommodate you, but offering you another tool that was helpful is a good thing. Talk with her about your concerns about how often she's available. The two of you can figure out what your needs are and how to best meet them.
 
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