EMDR- had SI for a while after. Stopped. I think I’m ready again? Thoughts???

The_One

Learning
So I’m back guys!
I have been feeling great and my last EMDR session was a couple months back. It took me a while to get over the SI. I was embarrassed to have it and I was so scared when I told my therapist about it and of course we stopped EMDR treatment. But for me I really realized EMDR really helped my therapy sessions and therapy in general and helped me break through “quite literally” like I guess It kind of pushed me to the edge and forced me to be more open with my therapist. Which helped my therapy become that much more powerful.

And also I don’t know if this is what’s supposed to happen when EMDR works, but my target is not something I obsess about before like I did before I started EMDR. I don’t even think about the person involved in that target obsessively like I did before (ex) and that memory that was seared into my brain is not something I obsess over. Idk if this means the EMDR did what it’s supposed to do but I’ll take it. ???

So I’m thinking I should just do one session monthly. I’ve had traumatic experiences with sexual assault and I know I can’t speed healing up but I think this incident is really affecting my sex and dating life. The sexual assault makes me not want to kiss or have sex with any man and I love sex and I want to date have a man and active sex life again. I’ve had other questionable experiences with my ex during sex (being choked but too hard and almost passing out being one of them) during sex

We’ve had a bunch of talk sessions in between, idk what to think. I’m scared, super scared of the SI to come back. I felt SUPER shitty when I did too much EMDR. Idk how to describe the feeling other than really questioning my worth my depression came back full force (I’m on lexapro) but I was still able to function. I never have felt like that and it scared me to the bone. I told my therapist and she works with clients w/ SI. We made a plan even tho I had no intentions and no plan of unaliving myself. I can’t believe I’m writing those words.

But the affects of how my therapy.z after I stopped having SI and how much I felt like it accelerated my healing and how I don’t think about this ex and this traumatic event obsessively like I used to is just amazing .

Thoughts? Comments? I just need advice.
 
i've never done emdr, so i am clueless on that score, but suicidal ideation has plagued me since my pre-adolescence in the 60's. my general experience with si is that once i untangle the psycho snot knot behind the si, both the cravings to "end it all" and the associated symptoms dissipate rapidly. to my senses, it feels kinda like pulling a clog from a drain. once you give that blockage a tug, the flow recommences instantly, washing away the crud left in the pipe as it flows.
 
i've never done emdr, so i am clueless on that score, but suicidal ideation has plagued me since my pre-adolescence in the 60's. my general experience with si is that once i untangle the psycho snot knot behind the si, both the cravings to "end it all" and the associated symptoms dissipate rapidly. to my senses, it feels kinda like pulling a clog from a drain. once you give that blockage a tug, the flow recommences instantly, washing away the crud left in the pipe as it flows.
Yeah I think my knot is very complex and complicated so I’m stopping EMDR and just doing talk therapy for now
 
The base understanding of PTSD is that it is an anxiety disorder. To put it another way:

More Anxiety = Heightened Symptoms.

Plus with EMDR there is reprocessing, which in itself adds to anxiety and symptoms.

My therapy has been a combination of EMDR and talk from day one because you can't just pile on EMDR work or you will loose the plot at some point.
 
The base understanding of PTSD is that it is an anxiety disorder. To put it another way:
<cough> trauma & stressor disorder. <cough>

(ICD moved it first, though, catorizing it a F 43.8 Other Reactions To Severe Stress)

Not everyone with PTSD experiences anxiety at all, and a great many people only experience panic attacks with no other anxiety symptoms present… ever. The increased symptoms, instead, run the whole spectrum.

But replace ‘anxiety’ with ‘stress’? Bang on.

ETA… I would suspect that your anxiety runs hot, like mine does half the time (the other half no anxiety symptoms at all, in addition to being a MASSIVE adrenaline junkie, my emotions also blunt or shut off completely for long periods of time), so anxiety is a central point in both your therapy & reading/symptom management?

Trauma and Stress-Related Disorders in DSM-5
National Center for PTSD
Geisel School of Medicine at Dartmouth
Bottom Line

1. Because a variety of clinical phenotypes are consistent with PTSD diagnostic criteria, it can no longer simply be considered an Anxiety Disorder

2. This is reflected in the new DSM-5 chapter:
Trauma and Stressor-Related Disorders

 
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<cough> trauma & stressor disorder. <cough>

(ICD moved it first, though, catorizing it a F 43.8 Other Reactions To Severe Stress)

Not everyone with PTSD experiences anxiety at all, and a great many people only experience panic attacks with no other anxiety symptoms present… ever. The increased symptoms, instead, run the whole spectrum.

But replace ‘anxiety’ with ‘stress’? Bang on.

ETA… I would suspect that your anxiety runs hot, like mine does half the time (the other half no anxiety symptoms at all, in addition to being a MASSIVE adrenaline junkie, my emotions also blunt or shut off completely for long periods of time), so anxiety is a central point in both your therapy & reading/symptom management?
Call me better educated.......

Call me better educated.......
As for adrenaline.......my primary adrenal insufficiency is an autoimmune disorder. Basically my body couldn't stop the adrenaline flooding any other way than to create antibodies for it.....so yeah Adrenaline junkie......

And anxiety yes. Got that in spades. My startle response - used to be off the charts. First trauma was basically manual strangulation, extreme fight or flight response, (choking on vomit as well as expelling other fluids) with both eyes bandaged. The extended events after that has brought that to being CPTSD.

Same for the second, which was all totally anxiety and exhaustion, while battling PTSD I had no clue I had at that point. Because of the length of that whole event it was diagnosed as CPTSD as well.

So - you nailed the anxiety part....
 
Hi! How has it been for you taking a break from EMDR? Had you been in therapy for long before starting? What kind of things did you do for support/do you feel like having had additional support would have helped? I’m in the same situation. I was told to find a support system to get me through if I want to start again, which lead me here. With EMDR the emotional pain was so intense that I felt like it had to be proof that I was making big steps towards healing. After a few months without it I feel a little stuck. But it’s so hard to weigh the suffering vs the benefit! Risk vs reward
 
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