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Emotion Regulation Skills...

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Rani G2

MyPTSD Pro
Diagnosis: CPTSD in 2015

Began therapy in 2009 when I landed in a psychosomatic Clinic and then in Psychiatric ward. I came to this country in my teens, went to different schools and lived in two boarding schools and travelled a lot as a kid. I learned the language here and went to school.

Began with Ego state Therapy in 2015 and after a 3 year Therapy I feel I am somewhat stable. I married and I Do a 35 hr Job since a couple of years. During these 5 years I havent been sick for more than 4 weeks... again. Sick? Do something... get healthy... Do sports/ Do Do. This comes from my military style upbringing, its positive and negative at the same time. My caregivers represented " Get hard work harder". I could see this as a form of resellience but its also something which keeps me from Doing internal work.

I still struggle with emotional regulation. My T has given me some skills like the visualization of the inner parts, standing around a bonfire with Helper parts. I never call my T or email her(This is nothing to be proud about but I always feel that I must make it alone) From the very beginning I was someone who was handling things in a very pragmatic style. If there is a problem.. Do something about it. My T told me that even though I always function apparently well, I Dont Do enough work to process my Trauma.

What has helped YOU to release emotions? Releasing, acknowleding and still being able to come back to the presence?

Thanks
 
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I am wondering what exactly is emotional dysregulation for YOU? Emotional dysregulation and trauma are not interchangeable things so I wonder what you mean by that?

Just wondering.

Ps. For me I felt I only could survive so long because I do not have dysregulation; however, in therapy, when I let my defenses down, it was another story.

At the end what I learned is that I am happy, yippeeeeeeeeeeeeee I do not question it. I am sad or angry, I seem to have objective of the aggrssion or the sadness and I just let both be. I am happy yipppppppppppppppppppppppp I share it or I keep it to myself. I am sad or aggressive or angry, I do the same. I will share it if I feel safe and the other person is reasonable if not,

I find a lot of times we over value some emotions more than others and give them more weight. Of course if I am getting more angry than happy, the onus is on me but most of the time I am learning, I am happy for a good reason and I am sad for the same so I just hold both now. No more fighting to make sad become happy just as I do not make happy to become sad or forebearing.

So here I am having childhood trauma but not dysregulating or getting into fights or into hospitals. What is it? I can sometimes (or at least used to) dissociate from bad feelings like anger or sadness or grief ---this is not dysregulation, it is shutting down so I am working on that.

so I ask what is dysregulation to you? and how is it looking like in relation to others?
 
Well, one thing I can think of recently that has helped is my T's encouragement not see the efforts I made to survive as being the enemy.

So she talks about parts not as in DID but loosely like a part that is adult and strives towards health. A part that is stuck and traumatised and a part that just does whatever it can to survive. Including unhealthy coping and urges to isolate, self sabotage etc.

So she's been encouraging me not to hate on the part that does stuff to survive, stuff which maybe isn't helpful anymore.

And I think that's allowing me to have some space around my issues instead of just being in them?

Helps add a bit of self compassion maybe. Or at least reduce the self hating control or something.

Hope this makes some sort of sense!
 
I never call my T or email her(This is nothing to be proud about but I always feel that I must make it alone)
That's me for years! A new therapist told me that I should contact her if I try a certain amount of self-regulation and it didn't work, and that surprised me after never having a therapist that wanted me to do that. But contacting her was very hard and I didn't do it much. It was helpful for me to make a kind of contract with myself, where I promised myself that I would contact my therapist if I was upset for a certain number of hours or day, and if I had tried a certain number of self-regulation steps and they hadn't worked. With a contract, I could follow the steps and did not need to trust my inner voices (which tell me to hide, run away, and not trust anyone). I knew that the contract represented my thoughts when I was thinking straight and not upset.

The first time I contacted her, my symptoms actually got worse. But that was just the first time, and now I am better. I found that I could contact her when needed (once a month or so initially, not so often now) but did not lose my self-reliance. It has also been useful to talk with my therapist at our next session about contacting her. We both recognize that breaking through my unwillingness to reach out has been a big accomplishment all by itself. ?

What has helped YOU to release emotions? Releasing, acknowleding and still being able to come back to the presence?

That all came rushing out for me after my inner voices had a safe place to express themselves. Safe places are in my journals, in my therapist's office, and on long walks. It took me quite a while to establish the level of trust needed so that works.
 
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