Emotional flashback w/derealization & aggression and irrational behavior response

The last 2 weeks have been horrible. It started all of a suddenly with a member of the group home I was in. She was giving me the silent treatment and talking derogatory stuff about me with others. ”situational uncertainty” which I don’t function well in. I pushed the issue until staff choose to address it with the two of us sitting down with staff and confronting the problem. What she said was an endless litany of her stuff was being poisoned And since I am the only other person at that time on our side of the house it had to be me. She went on long enough that it was clear she was having paranoid delusions of persecution from her schizophrenia.

When I heard this stuff it was my thoughts were it was so outrageous and harmful to me if anyone believed any of her ramblings she could do great potentially permanent damage to my situation, my trauma recovery and my life (situational uncertainty). It was (no-win) because you can‘t prove that which does not exist. Situational uncertainty and no-win together almost always gets me in hospital. However my brain saw this as a trapped with harm Directed towards that would be impossible to defend against, Essentially trapped in situational uncertainty and a no-win scenario with harm towards me.

It turns out this combination of “situational uncertainty”, “no-win”, “trapped against harm” and a “conflict type of confrontation” triggers an emotional flashback that my brain is reacting as if I was in trauma time, and aggressive behavior In response to the moment, followed by irrational world vs. me thinking that For days or a couple weeks builds up to a conclusion where I am hospitalized or end up self harming which is what I did By drinking and then driving impaired (substance abuse is a form of self-harm). This scares me to no-end.

When I am in that irrational behavior state, I don’t have the capacity to recognize what is taking place with me, it’s like a runaway train that builds up more and more speed.

I am telling staff here to set aside conflicts and focus on how I am functioning and coping. And never put me and a foe in the same a resolution meeting confrontation because of the potential for an emotional flashback and irrational thinking that follows aggression.

My question has anybody else had emotional flashbacks?
Did they have any irrational behavior afterwards that can last a couple days to a couple weeks?
 

Friday

Moderator
My question has anybody else had emotional flashbacks?

For sure. I tend to lose all of my emotions when this happens, because that’s the state I was in at the time, more often than not. TBH, it’s very much a relief. Life is a helluva lot easier without fweeeeeelings muddying shit up. Not better, per se, simply easier.

Occasionally, though, some other piece will flare up... and those are a lot more difficult to deal with.
Did they have any irrational behavior afterwards that can last a couple days to a couple weeks?

It very much depends.

Losing all of my emotions often lasts for days/weeks... but that makes my behaviour both a helluva lot MORE rational, as well as a helluva lot more empathetic/faaaar less selfish and self-absorbed. It’s easier to care about other people’s feelings when I’m not beating my own back with a stick, and losing the battle. Badly.

Being plunged into rage or grief, though, is a much hotter/faster reaction, and it burns out a lot faster. Half seconds to hours, typically. The secondary reactions, can last a lot longer (like regret, remorse, revenge)... especially if I’m feeding them. Those aren’t flashbacks, though, they’re me responding to a flashback... veare much in the present, but also -typically- very irrationally. Because I’m all hot about something as if it just happened, because it did (flashback, relived it); without the intervening years to temper that reaction.
 
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