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Childhood Emotional Flashbacks and Triggers

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David1959

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I have been struggling my entire life with the abuse from my childhood (you can read my posts here for details) but about 4 years ago I slipped into a deep dark depression and only emerged after about 6 months of therapy. However after the therapy ended I did what I always do, I buried my feelings and moved on.

Unfortunately, here I am 4 years later and I have started having emotional flashbacks and start feeling like I am about to cry (about to since I am unable to actually cry) when watching TV particularly stories of young children being either treated poorly or just loved. I realize that my emotions are rising to the surface and am really scared about slipping back into depression.

I have an appointment with a new therapist (mine retired 3 years ago) in a couple of weeks and hope that will help. I have found that for the past 6 months or so I have totally lost my sexual desire which has been a very important part of my life with my wife and am very worried about the long term effect. Even though my wife and I have a great relationship I find myself unable to discus this issue and all that it encompasses because I am scared to release my emotions for fear of having an uncontrollable breakdown that will ruin my life, my fault again :-(
 
I am glad you are going to see a new therapist. That is going to help a lot. It is hard to go without talking about it with your wife, but I am sure working with the therapist will help with that too.
 
I use to be where you are, unable to cry. Now that I am discussing my CSA and rape with my psychologist, all I seem to do is cry. She has reassured me that this is normal part of the healing/grieving process.

I am very proud of you for recognizing that you need help, before things spiral out of control. You say you have a strong relationship with your wife, so I hope that you will find a way to open-up to her about what you are experiencing/feeling. You need as many allies as you can get, right now.

Even if you feel unable to give your wife the complete picture. Perhaps, you can just let her know that you love her and wish you were able to be more intimate, but that you are struggling and seeking help for your issues.
I have been celibate for over 20 years, so I wish I could offer better guidance for your marriage.

I pray you get the help you need, and that you and your marriage emerge even stronger and happier than ever.
 
So my meeting with my new therapist was cancelled, Covid. So with the world the way it is now it will be a year before I can see a therapist :-(
 
Covid. So with the world the way it is now it will be a year before I can see a therapist :-(

Perhaps? But more and more therapists are taking on clients remotely.

Virtual/Video/Telehealth Sessions

There are also more and more resources out in the world (peer support sites like this one, books and workbooks by credible experts, psychology related apps to help a wide variety of disorders, conditions, symptoms, emotional monitoring & regulation, coping mechanisms, tools, and lifestyle aids.). So unlike 20 years ago when the only real choices out there were therapists or figuring shit out / reinventing the wheel on your own? There are a whoooooooole lotta different resources we can avail ourselves of. :D
 
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