Thank you for the great comment. So basically if I substract the physical aspects from a real partner I get to my answer regarding therapy, right?My point of view about therapy is the perspective of a mother about the person who is taking care of her child in the daycare. The mother wishes, that person loves the child and takes care of the child like the child's real mother BUT we all know of course...it may be close but never the same.
Therapy is a process of "as if"...and the more you are closer to healing or actually being in the present at the moment, the more, it is clear you are with equal but assymetical relationship to deal with emotional stuff. It's intimacy is unique and different from a partner and closer to a parental...or authority...etc.
I will ask you back: what is intimacy between you and a real partner? Now subtract something from that and you get the therapy intimacy.
That something, only you know and we are all different how we see it.
It is extremely unfair and impossible for me to determine this for you but what I am feeling or understanding is that you may be looking for deep understanding, support and holding space in therapy. It is challenging truly to get one that understands us uniquely but possible to a point.Thank you for the great comment. So basically if I substract the physical aspects from a real partner I get to my answer regarding therapy, right?
So basically if I substract the physical aspects from a real partner I get to my answer regarding therapy, right?
That's what I meant but also substract the cudelling etc . Everything physical. I honestly don't get it what you said so in what way is a therapeutic RL so different when it comes to care, help etc? Not sure I got you right, if not feel free to tellAre you meaning, if you take a romantic partner type relationship and just remove the sex, would that be like a relationship with a therapist?
If so, I would say not. For starters, because the role of the therapist and their emotional investment in the relationship isn’t the same as a romantic partner/life partner’s would be. A therapist isn’t trying to build a life/future with you, but supporting emotionally to help you have the life/future/relationships/whatever you want and are currently challenged by. And in a personal intimate relationship, you provide support, care, help etc to your partner in a way that you don’t with a therapist so that aspect of the dynamic is very different.
If I have misunderstood what you meant about ‘physical aspects’, apologies, and disregard the above! :)
Well , quite honestly I really want and crave to be really emotionally close to her, want her to like me more than her other patients, basically I'm looking for a strong (therapeutical) bond between her and me, like really close (her checking up on me in-between sessions & being allowed to even text her positive things in-between sessions for example), having a good emotional connection to her that is consistent and doesn't go away once I left the office.Well at the most fundamental level, I guess you and your therapist aren’t in love with each other?! So, taking that element (being in love/loving each other) away, that is a different dynamic and feeling when it comes to what that care and support means and feels like.
I believe therapists can care a lot about their clients. Some will care more than others. And some may care more about some clients than others. My therapist says she ‘loves’ all her clients. And I definitely feel that she genuinely cares. But of course she doesn’t feel about me the same way she feels about her boyfriend. And he will therefore experience being in relationship with her and her care and support differently than I do.
If my wife and I had everything else in our relationship and our feelings in that relationship stay the same as now, and we just stopped all physical contact, it wouldn’t feel the same as my relationship with my therapist.
You mentioned in your original post about how to know if a therapist is overly distant. Is that question related to an experience you’re having with a therapist?
Still curious about the question I asked you earlier - what are you particularly looking for (or not) from your therapist, if you have one?