Sufferer Emptiness and shame.

SpedTA

New Here
It’s sad to say these words…I was attacked and injured from my students. It was not their fault, such behaviors are a part of their disability so I am ashamed for these thoughts and feelings. I cannot not sleep, startled, nightmares, flashbacks and even moments where I lose concentration/memory.
Feelings I was trying to hide for years became apparent to the point my doctors referred me for PTSD. I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression.
It’s been exhausting, embarrassing and frustrating. Years dedicating my life to students, gone. I had a purpose and love for my students now overwhelmed with fears. How did I get here? What do I do now?
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello sped. welcome to myptsd. sorry for what brings you here but glad you are here.

it's not the horse's fault when it throws a rider, but the injuries remain very real and in urgent need of healing. however long you have minimized and neglected that need for healing, healing can still happen. i hope it happens to you.

gentle support while you find your healing path.
 

Sideways

Moderator
Welcome to the forum.

Ptsd does resolve for most sufferers. And even when it doesn't, there is life beyond.

Hope you have the support of a good therapist. Shame is a mother of a thing to work through.
 

Renly

Confident
I spent over a decade working with children and adults with autism and other developmental disorders/behavioral issues. Most events causing my PTSD began prior to my work, but I can empathize with how you are feeling. I’m a very petite person and many times my clients were much bigger than me and very often I’ve been at the other end of their problem behaviors. It’s a high stress environment and although logically you may know it is not the client/student’s fault - it really is just a matter of how your primal/emotional/limbic brain perceived the event/attack. There can also be a stigma in the field about this exact issue, and many find it hard to find a safe place to let it out without judgement. Be kind to yourself and try not to be critical and judgmental towards how you are feeling - you have every right. Do you have a therapist and a support system to help you through this time? Along with therapy, this forum has helped me immensely in feeling like someone out there understands (most people here really do get it), which has helped me a lot. Sorry for the reasons you are here, but glad you found us. You are in good company.
 

TruthSeeker

MyPTSD Pro
It’s sad to say these words…I was attacked and injured from my students. It was not their fault, such behaviors are a part of their disability so I am ashamed for these thoughts and feelings. I cannot not sleep, startled, nightmares, flashbacks and even moments where I lose concentration/memory.
Feelings I was trying to hide for years became apparent to the point my doctors referred me for PTSD. I was diagnosed with PTSD, anxiety and depression.
It’s been exhausting, embarrassing and frustrating. Years dedicating my life to students, gone. I had a purpose and love for my students now overwhelmed with fears. How did I get here? What do I do now?
I had a middle school student threaten to shoot me and he had access to a gun......and he even made a video about him shooting at a target and my name was in the center......and posted it for other kids to see (who turned him in) and then he also drew a cartoon and labeled it on his notebook of him shooting me......I didn't let him ruin my career but I did take him to court to have him removed from my school....and yes, it was his fault-not his disability's fault even though he was ED.......and no, years dedicating your life to students don't have to be gone-but you have to want to get back in the class and go back to work-or that be your goal. You can get a federal accommodation which would mean that you'd ask not to work with that child. Check with your union, and see if you can get a federal accommodation because of anxiety or PTSD (I did for PTSD)-your therapist can fill out the paperwork and human resources legally can't tell anyone your mental health issues because of confidentiality. So, a job change could be an option.....and you may also qualify for FMLA leave if you've worked in the US and there long enough (a year?) which allows you to keep your job while you recuperate and get your mental/physical health in order. If your PTSD was a result of an occurrence at school, they could swap your placement and place you in another less volatile position.
 
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