End and Beginning

Hi everyone.

So my wife and I are semi-officially separated, whatever you want to call it, it's over. We're still living in the same house. For now I don't have anywhere else to go with the quarantine and all, not to mention financial constraints. She wants to keep me in the same house, and keep me her friend. My guess would be because she wants to move internationally to be with her girlfriend eventually, and I can keep her from bringing our son. I'm hurt, and I'm lonely. I want to finally get a job in the field of my masters degree so I can afford to live independently, and I want to move out. Aside from my wife, this place comes with a whole lot of drama from my wife's family. There's also my stepdaughter, who has autism, and isn't responding well to the lockdown. She kicked through a plate glass window when my son crying, and making too much noise. She hasn't done anything like that in a long time, but since she's been out of school, she's been getting more and more behavioral. I can't stop thinking how much easier it would be for me if it was just me and my son Leo. I'm so tired, and all of these stresses are getting to me more and more. I just need to be able to handle the stress of being a mental health counselor in some capacity, and then I'll be making enough money to do do anything I want, on my own income. Today, she gave me a figurative pat on the head, because I called to pay the electric bill, and arranged to have someone give us a quote on fixing the broken windows. I felt like I was being thrown and bone. Any way just wanted to post something reflecting my current thoughts.
 

PTSDisaster

Learning
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you right now.. I don't really know what I could do to help, but I want you to know that this will not forever be like this and when time passes by things will get better.
Just try to stay strong, hold on. :hug:
 

Mytime

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @abbynormal1929 I’m sure it’s hard being in lockdown.
I want to finally get a job in the field of my masters degree so I can afford to live

I know not much is happening in the world right now, but you can take this time and get your resume ready to apply to different places. Your free to make your own choices for the life you want to live.



independently,
She kicked through a plate glass window when my son crying, and making too much noise.

Do you have any fear of your sons safety? It would be good for you to keep a log of these kinds of things, in case you ex wants to move your son away from you. Keeping notes, picture and bills ( like the window being replaced) just in case you need them. I’m not saying she a bad mother because I don’t know if she is or isn’t. But from what I’ve read she looks out for herself and she’s manipulated you at times.


My guess would be because she wants to move internationally to be with her girlfriend eventually, and I can keep her from bringing our son.


I would take this seriously and plan for her to try and do this. There’s strength in acknowledge, and knowing your rights to your son and what you need to do in order to be an equal part of his life. This would be a new goal to set for yourself. I understand your hurting and it’s not easy. On the other hand you have a chance and the choice to make your life a happy one. Sometimes we can feel lonely and not because of a relationship with someone. It’s because of the relationship with ourselves . This is your time now, what do you want your life to look like. Take a minute and think about that, then take a minute and think about how that life would feel and then really feel it. Because it’s in your power to have it.
 
She couldn't leave the country with my son without my permission. Thing is I've always wanted to live outside the US. I just don't know if I could do it with my wife and her gf.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
You are dealing with a lot of major things all at once. Lockdown, end of such a significant relationship, your step daughter struggling in the lockdown, parenting, your wife's new relationship, your health. It's no wonder things are hard. All your coping mechanisms are being tested and stretched.
Here is a safe space to let it out and get validation.
 

Ronin

MyPTSD Pro
Yeah I would absolutely not even consider moving across states with an abuser.

As in if you are isolated by her now, this can't have any outcomes in other countries that would be better.

Plus where you are currently you have at least some people who have known both of you, and the kids.

Who can take your side & supplement correct information -you- are the abused party. She the abuser.

Move to other country and you not only have to start from the scratch practically, but deal with the common assumption in DV claims the male read person is an abuser who lies on top. Having to defend yourself - while still hurt and acting as a proper protective parent to the lil ones - is just extra stress.
 

LuckiLee

MyPTSD Pro
If I were you? I wouldn't make any decisions until I spoke with a lawyer.

If you move to another country you will have NO access to any support for yourself. You think it's hard to get away now??? Wait until you're in a foreign country and she's manipulated you into staying.

Think long and hard about this. Do what is right for you and your son. He needs one parent with stability. He should be the only thing you should be worried about right now.
 
Top