Relationship End of.... everything, or should I sit down and take it?

Guardian1014

New Here
Everyone was excited to go camping on Friday (8/12) except my (PTSD Veteran) husband. It was a short trip from home (an hour) and we (MY 17 year old daughter and OUR 6 year old son) were chatting and excited. The buildup started slowly, with minor road rage and complaining about the stopped traffic (construction). We get to our campsite and he wants to rush through setup, and is clearly agitated. He asks me about a few things and I realize, I forgot them (mind you, I worked all morning and had to run to get a few last minute things before we left, while he sat at home with our son and watched his phone). Could have sworn I had just did the most horrendous thing possible (like kick an injured puppy or drowned a kitten), and he started to berate me right in the open(I forgot the cast iron skillet and griddle). I decided it wasn't worth it, shrugged it off and apologized. Saturday comes and I'm up early cooking a big breakfast. Our son forgot his sweatshirt. Cue another berating when hubby finds out. So we go to the gift shop and get a few things then head down to rent some kayaks and a canoe. OH...MY.....the whole 4 miles, he bitched and complained AND he was in a kayak I was in the canoe paddling our son by myself. After that we go back to camp and eat lunch, then decide to go on a hike. Back to camp to get ready to go out to dinner. He decides he wants a beer with dinner (hello state park, no alcohol) and we can't go to the bar because we have kids. So we decide on this cute barn like restaurant and he throws a tantrum, doesn't order anything (because they don't serve alcohol) and goes to sit in the car. After my kids and I enjoy our dinner we head back to camp and everything goes downhill. I'm tired and stressed and embarrassed so I call him out on his shit and he flips his lid, shreds his new ($200) glasses and packs up the car. We head home where he continues to scream at me, threaten divorce and just say some ugly words. Sunday, I'm upset, depressed and just want left alone, but no I'm not allowed to feel that way because he pays for everything and I had better get my act straight or I can leave. Then he asks if I want him to leave, then back again. I just......yeah....I don't know
 

PShermanWallaby

Policy Enforcement
You do not have to take all that just because he’s dealing with his own demons. Yes, everyone should have compassion and understanding that other people may lash out occasionally but this is not that. This would have me packing up my kids and going. You and the kids deserve far better than this.
 

FlyingDove

Learning
Everyone was excited to go camping on Friday (8/12) except my (PTSD Veteran) husband. It was a short trip from home (an hour) and we (MY 17 year old daughter and OUR 6 year old son) were chatting and excited. The buildup started slowly, with minor road rage and complaining about the stopped traffic (construction). We get to our campsite and he wants to rush through setup, and is clearly agitated. He asks me about a few things and I realize, I forgot them (mind you, I worked all morning and had to run to get a few last minute things before we left, while he sat at home with our son and watched his phone). Could have sworn I had just did the most horrendous thing possible (like kick an injured puppy or drowned a kitten), and he started to berate me right in the open(I forgot the cast iron skillet and griddle). I decided it wasn't worth it, shrugged it off and apologized. Saturday comes and I'm up early cooking a big breakfast. Our son forgot his sweatshirt. Cue another berating when hubby finds out. So we go to the gift shop and get a few things then head down to rent some kayaks and a canoe. OH...MY.....the whole 4 miles, he bitched and complained AND he was in a kayak I was in the canoe paddling our son by myself. After that we go back to camp and eat lunch, then decide to go on a hike. Back to camp to get ready to go out to dinner. He decides he wants a beer with dinner (hello state park, no alcohol) and we can't go to the bar because we have kids. So we decide on this cute barn like restaurant and he throws a tantrum, doesn't order anything (because they don't serve alcohol) and goes to sit in the car. After my kids and I enjoy our dinner we head back to camp and everything goes downhill. I'm tired and stressed and embarrassed so I call him out on his shit and he flips his lid, shreds his new ($200) glasses and packs up the car. We head home where he continues to scream at me, threaten divorce and just say some ugly words. Sunday, I'm upset, depressed and just want left alone, but no I'm not allowed to feel that way because he pays for everything and I had better get my act straight or I can leave. Then he asks if I want him to leave, then back again. I just......yeah....I don't know
I am new here but recognize similar behaviors in my husband. He is a veteran too. Non stop discussion of politics civil war expects me to not have any issues. I am a trauma survivor too. I understand. This is difficult
 

Guardian1014

New Here
Thank you. Nothing is better today. He keeps making snarky comments to try and get a rise out of me. We have been together 11 years and married for 7, so I now recognize this pattern as it has happened a few times before. This will end with him, either in jail or in the psych ward, as eventually he will talk about committing suicide, or driving off a cliff or something. At this point I'm so numb that I could care less. I've been compassionate and understanding for so long, that I've become the emotional whipping boy. I 302'd him before and I will again, and I'll do it without a care in the world. 🤷 Sorry for the downer post, but I'm tired. I can't sleep, I don't want to eat and every forced smile and happy tone of voice just chips away at the mental breakdown I'm sure will be really bad.
 

Freida

MyPTSD Pro
PTSD does NOT give us the right to be abusive asshats to those around us.

Period.

He can get help or not - that's his choice
But he doesn't have the right to take his frustrations out on you.
 

Guardian1014

New Here
PTSD does NOT give us the right to be abusive asshats to those around us.

Period.

He can get help or not - that's his choice
But he doesn't have the right to take his frustrations out on you.
He won't. The meds do nothing and he refuses to talk to anyone, and the VA here has jerked him around from person to person, so he has no trust in them. Rock and a hard place
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
Sorry for the downer post, but I'm tired. I can't sleep, I don't want to eat and every forced smile and happy tone of voice just chips away at the mental breakdown I'm sure will be really bad.

You do not have to apologize here or moderate what you say. This specific part of the forum is for supporters, and trust me, we know how you feel. Don’t worry about upsetting any feelings here.

Some of us have been with combat vets for a long time, so anytime you want you shit-talk the VA, it’s good with us.

The exhaustion, caregiver burnout, and compassion fatigue is real.
 
Top