Ending the cycle of running away.

[Defaultxlove]

I shared in my diary that I "lit my marriage on fire"

Believed lies to end the marriage.
I feel awful. For my family.
Because of myself. I welcome the conviction to change.

My family loves me. And other than correcting my behavior is there anything I can do to help myself with the running away isolating, because it happens before I knew it last. I want to catch this.

For me this time and like usual I was triggered, hypervigilance, spiraling, (was going through a med withdrawal and triggered by major trigger, doesn't excuse but explains) I'm focused on self compassion but unless it's explained to me I won't retain as I'm relearning this from base zero. I wonder if my husband's role in the trauma is doing underlying dirty work. They told me it was him. I pictured my husband in handcuffs for raping molesting and recording hundreds of children. :/ but I know even if it is underlying easy for me to bolt kinda thing I need to change it.

What do you think?

 

[Teamwork]

I read an article by Peter Walker that explain the four F’s of trauma and it seriously turned my head around. I could clearly see me self and saw a direction to head. I figured out too that I was not self soothing every time I was doing the old patterns, thinking behaviours.

 

[Defaultxlove]

I read an article by Peter Walker that explain the four F’s of trauma and it seriously turned my head around. I could clearly see me self and saw a direction to head. I figured out too that I was not self soothing every time I was doing the old patterns, thinking behaviours.

Thanks for the feedback!

Edited: I found it here now I need to find a quiet place with paper and a writing utensil

Four F's of Trauma

 

[Freddyt]

You put this in the right place.

So information comes in. First filter is.....fight, flight, etc. So it gets assigned a level of fear. Which is negative. You, a a sufferer with PTSD, already have an impairment in understanding complex emotion. So it makes you afraid and you don't understand. That's how PTSD lies to you. It creates negative and uses that to dysregulate and well, you know what happens.

I have posted this a few times but really quickly. Stop.
If it makes you feel any strong emotion stop.
Examine the source.
Ask many questions.
Does that emotion belong to what you heard?
Clear Communications - you said - I heard.

Take dysregulated emotions out, add clear and basic understanding.

It saves time in a way. You get information without the emotion. You are far more likely to stay regulated and you can regulate that flash emotion better too.

 

[Defaultxlove]

mind blown @Freddyt thanks

I understand only I can stop it. Its taking so long and I am so tired. I miss my T