Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="grit" data-source="post: 1761346" data-attributes="member: 46894">This thread is really an eye opening for me. First I want to say there is no easy way of leaving any relationship after 7 years without pain. I feel all these things are coming up because maybe (just maybe) you may have a pattern of making a huge fist so you do not feel so bad when you are dumping someone. What therapy 'supposed' to teach us is that we can break a relationship without resorting to our learned behaviours in childhood where we retaliate, annoy, do all these ploys so the other person MAKES the decision for us. I do not know for sure but it felt like you were looking for a way to end therapy without pain and now you started to nitpick the therapist - so you can leave feel good about it, but will crash with shame, guilt, and yearning cause you created drama just so you could break it off and not feel anything momentarily. But deep inside, there is you resisting this thing cause you know more.This is my answer to your headline. I think now you are recognizing your own pattern and seem to be exploring what is going on. So kudos!The other reaction I have is this: What is therapy?The therapist is a tool where we project parts or experience or sometimes functions. The therapist (a good one anyway), hears, feels what we are projecting and tries to relay back to us as interjects. Same way a parent may have had. A child cries about a knee bleeding (does not ask the mother hey mom can you soothe me - I am hurting over here), the mother recognizes the child is asking for soothing and soothes while teaching what soothing is so the child knows how to soothe tomorrow. This is a good case scenario. You can think of millions where this goes haywire!Therapy is exactly the same except the child in the room is also adult.I would ask you to see in your own writing what is the "soothing" like functions you are asking your therapist? And then hopefully you will see (as you also wrote here) how much she has been functioning for you in this capacity and sometimes recognizing this may make us feel shame (shit I did not know that) or sad (wow she has been working this hard for me) anger (wtf why did not she just says so) and may other feelings can come...the ultimate one we are aiming is humility and gratitude to learn this side of us that we did not learn as children and take the pain with the wisdom.You will see you are asking a lot of things without asking directly. You cannot ask them directly cause the therapist or anyone in the universe cannot give you what you have inside of you. I think now you are defending your therapist cause of course you know more than anyone how much she has been assisting  you with feelings and functions you never learned before.I feel, could be wrong, that when you see her next time, you will have much more clarity of what is being transpired here.</blockquote>

Name