Catlovers141
Confident
I am a survivor of CSA from when I was a young child (under five years old). My only sexual experiences are from that abuse. I believe this has led me to have a really hard time understanding on an emotional level how sexual and romantic interactions can be separate from violence. I can sort of understand intellectually, but when I see any kind of physical intimacy it's like it sets an alarm off in my brain. So even though I know logically that it's consensual, it's like the emotional part of my brain thinks it's watching someone get abused.
My current challenge is that my younger sister, who I feel sort of like a third parent to, has a boyfriend. It is extremely hard for me to be around the two of them. My sister is supportive but can't truly understand what it's like for me. I want to be a normal sister, and spend time with them but when I see them together, especially if they show any sort of affection, it feels agonizing because it's like I'm watching her get abused, even though she is participating as much as he is. And then of course I can't do anything about it, because that's not what actually is happening and the logical part of me knows that.
Has anyone experienced anything like this? I feel really alone with it. And I'm also wondering if there might be ways to teach my emotion brain to not be so reactive in these kinds of situations.
My current challenge is that my younger sister, who I feel sort of like a third parent to, has a boyfriend. It is extremely hard for me to be around the two of them. My sister is supportive but can't truly understand what it's like for me. I want to be a normal sister, and spend time with them but when I see them together, especially if they show any sort of affection, it feels agonizing because it's like I'm watching her get abused, even though she is participating as much as he is. And then of course I can't do anything about it, because that's not what actually is happening and the logical part of me knows that.
Has anyone experienced anything like this? I feel really alone with it. And I'm also wondering if there might be ways to teach my emotion brain to not be so reactive in these kinds of situations.
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