So, I ended up in the ER end of last week because I was having this weird pain - technically in my chest, I guess - just beneath my collar bone, in my left arm, and in my jaw. It was intermittent and I've had the chest pain before, but never associated with the others. I don't have any cardiac issues - I've had lots of testing and I'm fine. But at the ER I was very anxious, not because of the pain but because of where I was. And after they decided I was fine (or not having a heart attack, anyway) and they suggested I be transferred to a local hospital and spend the night. I didn't want to and, since the doctor didn't insist (and, in fact, said "whatever you decide"), I opted to go home. They wanted me to sign out against medical advice. And at that point, I started crying and couldn't stop. I was also extremely anxious, almost panicky, and all I wanted to do was run out of there. I can't figure out if it was because I felt like the doctor had not been completely honest with me about leaving - and I hate being lied to or having information withheld from me - or if it has to do with all the many issues I've had with medical personnel. I have no trust in the medical establishment. I've been prescribed the wrong meds, doses that were too high, have been yelled at and diagnosed with the wrong conditions/diseases, have had to figure out lots of stuff on my own, been completely neglected for years in some cases. This is so hard. That lack of trust is extended to almost everyone at this point, but it started with a betrayal by a psychiatrist. I need someone I can trust, who is around. I do mostly trust my therapist, but even he was on his way out of the country when this came up.