Ever Grouped The Things You Find Stressful?

[Friday]

I’ve spent the last 14 days trying to save up enough Chutzpah to deal with... paperwork... that “needs” to be in by the 17th. I’m not there, yet. I may not get there by the 17th. Which will cost me thousands of dollars. And which also left me dead-eyed, blinking like a fish, as my mom talked at me about other paperwork. (Nope. No mental energy to even listen, much less engage, as I’m saving it for this other thing. That, no. I will also not talk about.)

My best friend’s dad’s funeral? A man I loved dearly? I sat on my car, a block away, until I was beyond certain that the entire service was over and the last of the mourners gone. Not on purpose. I just couldn’t physically make myself move down there.

But the kind of trouble people run away from? I run towards.

The kinds of things that “everyone” hates, but they suck it up and do anyway? I’d usually rather eat my own gun. Not metaphorically. Those papers I WANT to complete by the 17th, actually freaking WANT to? I’m delaying just because I know nothing NOT worth killing for, is worth dying over. A few grand? Is not what my life is worth. f*ck off.

I know... roughly... the categories of things
- I can handle, no sweat (or even mad bonus)
- Easy in the moment, I’ll pay later (and worth it)
- I’m used to it.
- RIGHT where my avoidance kicks in to save my own sanity / livability of my life
- Where I have to work my effing ass off to accomplish (with huge costs)
- Things I would rather die, than do

This thing that I’d presently rather die, than do? I could (and am working hard to) move it up the list to where it’s manageable but at huge cost. I could even move it up “I’m used to it.” If I did it every day. That’s not gonna happen / it’s not that valuable to me... although there are other things I have done so.

I know it’s stress cup stuff. Certain things... just drop mentos in the coke bottle. Other things shake the bottle, but can be worked around, by tapping madly at the can to resaturate via sound waves.

It was one of those supporter Q’s that listed 2 things... one that’s a benefit and one that’s effing hard, for me, that their sufferer finds both hard. I just sorta know... this, no worries. That? Ain’t gonna happen. This other? Maybe. Got me thinking if other people just “know” (&/or learn by experience) which sorta group something falls under? Or if they’re more discretely grouped and worked around or worked on?

 

[LuckiLee]

I saw a meme the other day that said something like *An introvert preparing to make a phone call* and the pictures were of a dude lifting weights, doing push ups and and pull ups. Sweating his butt off. It made me 1. LOL and 2. Think of J. He haaaaates to make phone calls. Temper tantrums and whining for days (and sometimes weeks) before and after the big event. We have to prepare for them. Come up with a whole d#mn dialogue. Once he fiiiiinally follows through, he lives and beats his chest and I can finally get some peace.

Paperwork. Same deal. If it's something I can do I do it and let him verify everything. Most of the time we do it together. Once I convince him he can and it's the right thing to do. Again, we discuss and get his thoughts out there. In writing too if we have to. Depending on what it pertains to he may reminisce which always helps.

In other words he needs help sometimes. And that comes in multiple ways. Depending on the weather.

So. How can we help? How many pages is this thing? Can we break it down? You have obviously been thinking about it for a while so you know what you want to say. Right? Do you have someone IRL who can help walk you through it.

I don't think I answered any of your questions. You're welcome.
But yes, things come with different stress levels and phone calls and paperwork are way up on the list (for J). And the things the average joe thinks are heroic and dangerous you and J are trained for. It's in your blood. Muscle memory. The right thing to do. Above and beyond.

P.S. "Just one thing".

 

[osiris]

Yeah I get this, although I’m not running into the trouble without second thought like you trained people. More ostrich sticking their head in the ground

Paperwork. Have been carrying shit around the globe for almost 20 years and still not opened it all.
And phone calls (contact with anyone I know is part of this, phone/email/ even texts) kill me.

Total avoidance is always my best friend.

 

[ladee]

Important phone calls. That requires me to have all the crap I need in front of me to answer questions. I make a list of what I need. Lose the list. Make another list, ya know, just to complicate the matter and upset myself. I finally make the call and have no idea what I did with all the info I needed. Panic, hang up, and start the process all over again.

Paperwork. I don't read anything. Just sign and initial everything and hope for the best. Which then requires a follow-up phone call. See above ^^^^^.

Going to the Dr. I will put it off until I should have gone to ER two weeks ago. Make a list of things I want to talk with Dr about, forget the list at home. Come home with meds I don't need and won't take and am still suffering from why I went in the first place.

The list is long, but it always ends the same. I forgot the list with the info I needed.

 

[Rani G2]

Heart goes out to you Friday! No useful info here, just that I’m trying to learn.. I don’t Do paperwork until there’s a dangerous deadline! My cupboard of horror (Including bills from a shoe shop and my birthcertificate) is still existing since 1995.. that’s a region I just can’t enter!
Even thinking about this is pure stress!

 

[Rani G2]

Paperwork. I don't read anything. Just sign and initial everything and hope for the best. Which then requires a follow-up phone call. See above ^^^^^.

Sounds familiar to me Ladee!

 

[Friday]

I’ve spent the last 14 days trying to save up enough Chutzpah to deal with... paperwork... that “needs” to be in by the 17th. I’m not there, yet.

Welp... I got it done. Which is kind of a new thing for me, in recent years. Finally got to the place where I was “okay” (not happy about, but okay) if I either did or didn’t get it done. Got it done... wow.... AND it was rejected. Snort. Cant win for losing. Still trying to take it as a “win” in actually accomplishing the f*cking paperwork, regardless of the outcome. Which would be the same as if I hadn’t spent the past 17 days stressed to all hell, missing out on a shitton of other-life-stuff, trying to save up enough energy for this piece of nonsense.

Sigh. Reminder of lessons I used to have well learned. Not only is there the submit or not, but also the result OF submitting. f*ckin’ A. I despise this ‘normal life’ BS. Suck at it, wicked hardcore.

Sometimes I think I just need to give up the ghost, stop trying to do shit like live in a country, as a citizen, being responsible; job/home/life.... and just turn criminal, off-grid, & f*ck it all.

 

[Sideways]

Whelp, I came to this party too late.

My paperwork needs to be submitted by 2027. Which means I need to get cracking. At this rate? I will not have it done in time.

I did have a crack. I did. And then it went in a bright pink folder (I thought maybe a cheerful visual aesthetic might help make the whole thing seem easier...I was wrong), which ended up in a drawer, and then got moved to the bottom of the drawer. And yet? It's still burning a great big hole in my psyche.

Can't do it. Just can't. Not gonna try and rationalise the stress of it. Just can't.

It's definitely in the "I'd rather..." category for me. In my case, swallow a bottle of pills rather than eat my gun, since practicalities and all. My pdoc be all like "You need to be in hospital when you decide to finish that paperwork" for that very reason.

I have similar issues with making phone calls and, unfortunately, checking my voicemail (since too often that's a series of messages saying I need to call someone, and for whatever reason, both listening to that message, and making that 5 second phone call, both fill the stress cup in equal, inexplicably high, amounts). I am at the point where I can open the text message telling me that I have x number of new voice messages, but that wasn't always the case.

It didn't occur to me that going off grid was a viable alternative to completing said paperwork. If that's on the table, I get seriously heavy periods, so I need to wait for menopause (getting periods off grid must suck - just sayin'). But I'm planning on that occurring before 2027, which means the off-grid plan is a viable alternative.

Irrelevant sidenote: there's actually a lot of things become viable once I hit menopause for that same reason.

In my case, what is faaaaar more likely to happen? Is a kamikaze approach to the paperwork. At some point, for no apparent reason, I'll decide "this is too stressful to endure a second longer". At that point? I go all in for as long as I can sustain (usually not very long, and more importantly, never long enough), then post whatever mess I've ended up with (I still use snail mail at every opportunity, because it puts more time between me and the fallout of doing these sorts of tasks, and half-arsing them in a "just get rid of it" style). Much the way you teach a kid to ride their bike without training wheels. You just accept the scratched knee/broken tooth conclusion, and let go on a downhill slope anyway, because at some point, it just has to be done.

This is me, accepting the inevitable injuries, and diving headfirst into the paperwork for as long as I can hold my breath, then tossing it like a flaming potato as far from my person as I possibly can. Aka: The Kamikaze Paperwork Approach.

None of that is the least bit helpful to your situation because, as I said, too late to this party. I'm sorry you had paperwork. Paperwork is like fungus in the walls (and that metaphor holds on so many levels). I'm sorry it was a shit outcome. But (long story short, could've just said this in the first line and been done, but I'm never one to pass up a rock solid "fungus in the walls" metaphor), I hear you. It may be inspiration to dig out that pink folder and kamikaze my own paperwork "situation" tomorrow...maybe.

Or alternatively, I may go online and read up about off-grid lifestyles and start planning.

 

[Freddyt]

I still feel like some kind of explorer trying to figure out what those things are and which are the most draining. So far the worst are:

Medical stuff - blood tests, any tests, any doctors office, dentist, especially anything where they may lean over my right side is horrible right now. Did blood tests last week and I had a 24 hour antihistamine the evening before but sat down in the seat for blood tests and I was almost instantly covered in hives.

Zoom - Don't know why but there is a level of panic with zoom that is very disturbing. I don't know what it is but I can't do it, not even with family.

Past that every day is an adventure and you find your limits by doing. I found where more limits are after going on an outing with my sister yesterday. It was very nice getting out with her and we had a fun day and not really stressful, just would have been nice to get to sleep before 4:30 this morning.

 

[grief]

a lot of mine is sensory. if things are too loud i will actively blow up if i ask for the noise to stop and it continues to happen. medical things. having to just deal with that f*cking institution. the general basic tasks of living. groceries. bureaucracy.

 

[Mee]

It’s exactly this kind of stuff that means I’m not applied for the benefits I’m entitled too. It will blow my mind.

I know I should and it’s life changing - But then - so is the loss of the decrease to almost nothing of the acrophobic tendencies I lean too with ptsd symptoms raging harder. Avoidance seems a lesser ill than that right now ?

 

[Freida]

This is a great question i had to think about....

Making routine phone calls...easy peasy
Dealing with friends and family..depends on the day
Fibro/ptsd acting up....depends on what I don't get to do because of it
Medical issues.....depends on how loud the sirens get
Dealing with anything involving the VA? I'd rather eat my gun (Nor gonna cause I'm not gonna let the bastards win but still.....)

Yep...looks like i have groups
Might be something to bring up with t....