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Exam. blargh. how do you manage the after effects?

Discussion in 'Dissociation, Depersonalization & Derealization' started by EveHarrington, May 15, 2018 at 4:59 PM.

  1. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    I’m having kidney issues. Today saw the urologist, and had a physical exam. I knew it was coming and hoped I’d be ok. I didn’t take any anxiety meds because I seriously hate the after effects. It’s no toss up....as bad as I can get after these exams, it still doesn’t come near the withdrawal effects of benzodiazepines.

    I’ve been doing everything I can think of to get grounded. I did a few things around town to stay active. I’m at the library now trying to engage my brain in various ways. I contacted a few friends but they are busy. Soon I’m going to get some food if only I can engage my brain enough to make a decision on what I want to eat! I thought of going home and going to bed but I don’t want to sleep just yet.

    How do you take care of yourself after such an exam? (Urological, gyn, etc) I guess I am looking for responses from CSA/sexual abuse/assault survivors who struggle with these types of medical appointments.

    Sweetleaf likes this.
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  3. Sweetleaf

    Sweetleaf Well-Known Member

    I've only done one exam since I freed myself from my abuser - I did it with the help of xanax though, and pretty much, I was kinda derealized, kinda not so there. I got home, wrote about it, went outside of the house, went to a physical piano i have access to, and played it for a while (this was a good distraction), went home, took sleep aids (already was dead tired from the xanax - I am not too fond of the effects, and aftereffects of benzos either) and slept 15 hours. I felt like sleeping long was going to be the best option.

    Woke up the next day feeling extreme and panicky, but it was also a monthly anniversary of something horrible (ugh, I hate that it has to be every f*cking month) so I don't know how much the exam contributed to that, but I also did feel gross still the next day. I had been dreading it for a while, so I was glad to have it over and done with, but having to have your downstairs examined just sucks. Bleh.

    I basically did all my regular self care stuff, that I do when I'm otherwise panicky or having a hard time, from whatever reasons, or at least I tried to.

    There is another, easier exam coming up on the 30th now. Consult for surgery to fix the problem found/diagnosed in the first exam.
    I'll be damned if I let my PTSD stop me from fixing something that's been bothering me pretty badly, though. It actually pisses me off that this is a problem. It pisses me off I can't just go in and get medical shit done down there like everyone else, without it being such a f*cking ordeal. Like this will seriously improve my quality of life in the future, if I get it done. It will almost certainly trigger the f*cking shit out of me but I just want to get it f*cking OVER with. Who f*cking knows when I'll stop being triggered by shit, no point holding it off indefinitely and never fixing the issue.

    I'm interested in seeing what other people have to say, I'm sure a lot of us could use help with handling triggering exams.
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