Sufferer Experienced sexual/physical/emotional abuse and neglect from a variety of different close family members - Mid20’s Spiritual Awakening


New Here
Hi everyone,

I'm new to this forum and came here after a few difficult days and re-reading Pete Walker's book. I grew up in an abuse/neglectful household and experienced sexual/physical/emotional abuse and neglect from a variety of different close family members. In my teens and early twenties I developed alcohol, drug and porn addictions as unconscious ways of coping with the mistreatment I'd experienced.

My life started to turn around in my mid twenties, when a friend recommended a spiritual teacher to me. At the time I was agnositc and didn't have much of a concept of spirituality. However, when I listened to this teacher I had what I now know to be a spiritual awakening where my mind became still and I experienced deep inner peace without drugs for the first time in my life. My life changed course as I delved deeper into these experiences. A year or so later, following a period of focused meditation, I had a near-death-like experience where my consciousness was significantly raised. After this I began to have a number of spiritual/psychic experiences that a few years before I would have seen as impossible/insane. Alongside these experiences, I had a much greater awareness of the traumas held in my body and began the slow, gruelling and confusing work of sifting through them.

When seeking help for the symptoms of these traumas I had a few therapists say they thought I had complex PTSD, though I only really looked into this a couple of years later through Pete Walker's work. Like many people, as he described the different facets of cPSTD I felt like he was speaking directly to my life experience and felt heard in a very deep way. I feel emotional writing this as I remember that sense of feeling deeply heard and understood in my pain, something that was profoundly lacking during much of my life.

I live an isolated life and only really trust my partner and a couple of friends enough to have relationships with them. Over the past 10 years I've gone through so many changes:

From having no spiritual life to being able to sense and connect with subtle energies and beings.

Feeling my upbringing was normal and fine to realising it was deeply traumatising and that both my parents were too traumatised from their own upbringings to know how to be good enough parents.

From being dependent on alcohol, drugs and porn to having recovered from using these to control my pain.

From being ignorant of the harms of white supremacy, colonialism and patriarchy to starting to learn my place within these systems and unlearn the energies of them.

It's been a very interesting, terrifying and transformative 10 years!

I'm looking forward to being a part of this community and to supporting and being supported by the people here.



Welcome! Sorry for the reasons you are here but glad you found this forum. Hope you get to add to your support by being here. Every one reading your intro can relate, myself included. And having the spiritual experiences helps take the awful sting out of some of the work we have to do.

We learn from each other here and the support is real because others understand in ways that having experienced the same things can. Glad you are here.