whiteraven
MyPTSD Pro
I am having such a hard time. I think I've been managing the stay-at-home orders pretty well. I'm getting a lot done; I mean, I have some days when I don't do anything at all, but I probably have been accomplishing more generally than I have in the last year. I've been doing online therapy, which I really don't like and which, I think, started this week of very difficult-to-manage emotions.
We didn't talk about anything of substance on Monday. I was annoyed (as I have been since all of this started) because he was clock-watching - he very noticeably starts watching about 10 minutes before the 50 minute done time. He also mentioned that he's seen a shift in me (toward the positive) and pointed out that I seemed more reflective.
Actually, there *has* been a shift, but it's been because I just quit talking about the stuff that's in my head. It doesn't help, it just sounds negative, and I often get a response that sounds condescending to me.
So I've had a few things going on this week that I just haven't been managing well. My cat, who has lymphoma and had chemo last Monday, has been sick - vomiting, peeing on the floor, and with extremely bad diarrhea. She's also hungry all the time and eats my other cat's food every chance she gets. I have to monitor her and pull up the food when she's around. My other cat is also sick and I often have to hold her food dish for her to get her to eat.
Normally I just take all that in stride. But this week I haven't been able to manage any of it. In addition to all the stuff with the cats, I have been having issues accessing one of my email accounts and I've been on the phone or chat 6x trying to get it fixed. Everybody tells me something different; I've been dealing with this since Monday and it's still not resolved.
Several other things.
Thursday I just broke. I had to leave because I was afraid I was going to hurt one of the cats. I was sooo angry. I yelled at them, yelled at the person on the phone who, I discovered, after 45 min was "helping" me with the wrong thing. I broke a dish. When I was out I was not as angry/crazy, but very depressed to the point where I sat in a couple of parking lots for over an hour because I just couldn't move. Back home it was same thing again.
Today has been some better but I'm struggling with very small things. Nothing to wear (I haven't done laundry in well over a month because I don't have a washing machine), robocalls, my mother going on and on about nothing in a phone call, the air in here which is really stale and I haven't been able to fix.
I do NOT want to talk my T on Monday - just thinking about that makes me mad. If I didn't have the cats, I'd spend all day in bed with my phone turned off. I just can't do much more of this.
We didn't talk about anything of substance on Monday. I was annoyed (as I have been since all of this started) because he was clock-watching - he very noticeably starts watching about 10 minutes before the 50 minute done time. He also mentioned that he's seen a shift in me (toward the positive) and pointed out that I seemed more reflective.
Actually, there *has* been a shift, but it's been because I just quit talking about the stuff that's in my head. It doesn't help, it just sounds negative, and I often get a response that sounds condescending to me.
So I've had a few things going on this week that I just haven't been managing well. My cat, who has lymphoma and had chemo last Monday, has been sick - vomiting, peeing on the floor, and with extremely bad diarrhea. She's also hungry all the time and eats my other cat's food every chance she gets. I have to monitor her and pull up the food when she's around. My other cat is also sick and I often have to hold her food dish for her to get her to eat.
Normally I just take all that in stride. But this week I haven't been able to manage any of it. In addition to all the stuff with the cats, I have been having issues accessing one of my email accounts and I've been on the phone or chat 6x trying to get it fixed. Everybody tells me something different; I've been dealing with this since Monday and it's still not resolved.
Several other things.
Thursday I just broke. I had to leave because I was afraid I was going to hurt one of the cats. I was sooo angry. I yelled at them, yelled at the person on the phone who, I discovered, after 45 min was "helping" me with the wrong thing. I broke a dish. When I was out I was not as angry/crazy, but very depressed to the point where I sat in a couple of parking lots for over an hour because I just couldn't move. Back home it was same thing again.
Today has been some better but I'm struggling with very small things. Nothing to wear (I haven't done laundry in well over a month because I don't have a washing machine), robocalls, my mother going on and on about nothing in a phone call, the air in here which is really stale and I haven't been able to fix.
I do NOT want to talk my T on Monday - just thinking about that makes me mad. If I didn't have the cats, I'd spend all day in bed with my phone turned off. I just can't do much more of this.