Extended Leave


After having my my complex ptsd come back at me hugely with frequent new flashbacks in the middle of 2020, I have been trying to 'soldier on'. The amount of stress has been putting pressure on my body and I have been suffering health issues constantly. After an operation at the beginning of this year, I had to then withdraw of opioids that I'd been taking for the pain up until that point. I managed to do that and went back to work but was very run down and tired. I have continued to get viruses and infections and the last infection required double antibiotics and has now left me with a painful problem with my joints. They are as yet unsure of the cause.

After all this, today I had to make the call. I had a meeting with my boss and told her I would have to take extended leave to let myself recover physically and mentally. It was not really something I wanted to do, I'd been fooling myself into thinking I would just get better. Now, this afternoon I feel pretty deflated. It's hard enough to manage the mental health side of things, but when my physical health is bad constantly I begin to feel so isolated from the world and sad.


I had only JUST (mostly) recovered from a perky little flu right before Covid. It took me over 2 freaking years to get my feet back under me.after spending the better part of a year hooked up to machines and shit. Every passing sniffle? Sent my immune system into over drive and I’d be flat out for a month or more. I only had maybe 3 months first year, and 6mo the second of being quasi-okay. Not all together. A week here, sick for a month. A few days there, dragging for weeks. Freaking miserable. And even then? My muscles had so atrophied, and bones decalcified, that I was dislocating joints left and right (including 2 vertebrae in my neck, that’s some scary shit), and breaking every small bone I had just trying to do normal shit, like walk across a room. So in addition to my immune system kicking my ass, I kept breaking myself on top of it, rather than getting stronger.

Drove. Me. f*cking. Mad.

But right before Covid hit? I got sick. For the first time in years. For a week. That’s it. Only a week. I was over the freaking moon. (Ironically, it probably was Covid). And I had been slowly laying in muscle and bone density, and was finally, finally, finally, ready to go get a jobby-job & do volunteer shift until I could get my certs up to date for real work. Sooo over the moon. Finally. Finally back to work. Snort. Man plans! Thanks COVID. Brick wall? Bang head. 🧱

It. Is. Infuriating. when our bodies fail us, and then they NEED more than we’re used to giving them. In time, or treatment.

Recognizing that instead of getting stronger, you’re breaking down? Is a bitter damn pill. Good on you for recognizing the need to do things differently, before you were in the hospital. Seriously. It’s SMART. Smarter than I was. I coulda been back to my old self in less than half the time if I didn’t keep ignoring new needs & new normals & changed the way I went about things. Good on you.


Thanks so much. Although it was such a hard decision, I think it was the right one. It's been so nice the last couple of days not stressing about when I have to push myself to go back to work.
I'm glad your body is doing better and you're able to get a bit more out of life, even if covid has changed the back to work plans!
I'm pretty lucky where I am, there hasn't been any covid since last year so we can all go to work in person. Hopefully that doesn't change any time soon, you just never quite know with this thing!


this happened to me two months ago. it was one of the hardest things to do. I had to call clients and tell them i couldn't do it, that I needed to refer them to someone else. I hurt myself last summer and finally went to a surgeon in October, and then I got covid. And covid did really weird things to my body and caused the inflammation to go insanely wild. I couldn't think, I couldn't, move, among other things. I kept trying to work through this. Finally, my body and mind said, "no" I did feel so alone at first. But without the stress of the job my mind started doing ok, and finally the inflammation has calmed way down. I tried acupuncture and cupping and it really helped. And I found out I was deficient in several vitamins through a blood test. After a couple weeks of mega vitamins I feel great. I'm not ready to go back to work, so using this time to really evaluate everything. Anyway, sorry to make this about myself--but I do know what that feels like, it feels like "giving up" or "giving in" but it turned out good for me. I haven't felt this sane in a long time.


After an operation at the beginning of this year, I had to then withdraw of opioids that I'd been taking for the pain up until that point.
That is a huge step!! Congratulations! It is hard to deal with life without the opioids even if you're not addicted. They provide a cushion that you no longer have.
I had a meeting with my boss and told her I would have to take extended leave to let myself recover
Good for you! Taking care of yourself is the most important thing. There is no sense in making yourself sicker.