Does anybody here have a phobia?
I have been told by my housemates that there is a huge spider in our kitchen, right by the washing machine (where my washing is). I am now deep breathing as I write this because I am only just about keeping inches away from pure terror... and it is always the same level of terror as my highest terror point when in PTSD meltdown...
Here, I don't mean on the level of something that scares you that you avoid... I mean something that terrifies you to the point that if you were trapped in a room with your phobia, you would actually willingly kill yourself in your terror. Now if I was in Australia and had had a life threatening experience with a spider, I would say I have PTSD in relation to spiders... but in England, spiders can't kill and I have no memory of any traumatic incident with any spider.... like the fear was always there, so spiders have always, by default, been a traumatic thing to me in general. But I know this is just an irrational phobia. In a way, I don't understand why I get terrified to the level that I do, I know it's silly... but it's damn real to me.
I know it is unreasonable in a way, but I am livid that my housemate who is my usual protector when it comes to this, actually saw this spider days ago and did not just get rid of it for me. Because I now cannot eat. I cannot go into that kitchen... and I am in hypervigilance mode with the whole house. I am also livid, because this housemate knows that another housemate who I don't get on with actually PUT a spider in my room last year and laughed at me... naturally, I am worried she will do the same with this spider. If that happens, she'll have done it to the wrong person because I am only just about in check with my anger towards her... but anyway...
Until I know that spider is found, and dead or put out of this house... I don't know what I am going to do. And god forbid should I see another spider...
SO to any of you who suffer a phobia or fear to such extreme, debilitating extent... how do you cope? Have you ever overcome your phobia, and how?
Needing some advice should I come face to face with this thing...
Thanks.
I have been told by my housemates that there is a huge spider in our kitchen, right by the washing machine (where my washing is). I am now deep breathing as I write this because I am only just about keeping inches away from pure terror... and it is always the same level of terror as my highest terror point when in PTSD meltdown...
Here, I don't mean on the level of something that scares you that you avoid... I mean something that terrifies you to the point that if you were trapped in a room with your phobia, you would actually willingly kill yourself in your terror. Now if I was in Australia and had had a life threatening experience with a spider, I would say I have PTSD in relation to spiders... but in England, spiders can't kill and I have no memory of any traumatic incident with any spider.... like the fear was always there, so spiders have always, by default, been a traumatic thing to me in general. But I know this is just an irrational phobia. In a way, I don't understand why I get terrified to the level that I do, I know it's silly... but it's damn real to me.
I know it is unreasonable in a way, but I am livid that my housemate who is my usual protector when it comes to this, actually saw this spider days ago and did not just get rid of it for me. Because I now cannot eat. I cannot go into that kitchen... and I am in hypervigilance mode with the whole house. I am also livid, because this housemate knows that another housemate who I don't get on with actually PUT a spider in my room last year and laughed at me... naturally, I am worried she will do the same with this spider. If that happens, she'll have done it to the wrong person because I am only just about in check with my anger towards her... but anyway...
Until I know that spider is found, and dead or put out of this house... I don't know what I am going to do. And god forbid should I see another spider...
SO to any of you who suffer a phobia or fear to such extreme, debilitating extent... how do you cope? Have you ever overcome your phobia, and how?
Needing some advice should I come face to face with this thing...
Thanks.