Extremely Triggered

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mytai

MyPTSD Pro
I know I haven't been on here as often as I normally am. A lot has happened. I will talk about that in another post at a later date. The main thing is how triggered I am.

On Friday at work I was molested by a trucker at the event I was working. There came a point where he had the opportunity to push me into his truck, I don't know how that didn't happen - I don't know what I did to prevent it. He ended up touching up my thighs, then went for my crotch. After it all happened I went to my car and called my boss crying. I told her what happened, she told me to go get his license plate, talk to the gas station owners, and call the police then to call her back after.

I took the picture, and told workers at the station - they went to go talk to the guy who was still hanging around inside. I wasn't going to call the police, didn't want to be let down again. I went back outside and went back to working my event, the trucker approached me while I was talking to someone else and I told him to leave me alone or I was calling the police. One of the workers somehow got him away from me, can't remember what he did or said exactly. Then I went back to my event table and the trucker kept trying to talk to me, kept calling me "sister", asked what he could do after I said I was going to call the police. He left.

I called the police, they ended up pulling him over and arresting him on the side of the road. I went to the police station and did my video statement. Talked to the victim services while there. Found out his court date was going to be this past Saturday to find out what was going to happen. I called on Monday morning and got the results of the court date. He was charged with sexual assault, and released with a promise to appear in court. His first appearance date was set, then from there it gets sent to trial I guess.

My boss sat me down today and said she was going to go pick up a copy of the surveillance video that caught the whole incident. I'm really upset by this. Really upset that she is getting a copy of it.

I've been really triggered since then. I went through the rest of Friday in a blur. Emailed my T while I was at the police station still, called my nurse practitioner and went to see her. Cried in her office and was shaking. She booked me in with the social worker yesterday. I went and talked with the social worker, she's now texting with me. I told her I was concerned that there was potential for me to abuse the texting and I was concerned about it and not knowing when was too much and when was acceptable. The social worker said she would let me know if she thought it was becoming too much and it needed to be dialled back.

I have not been ok. I am so upset, triggered, going through my day not knowing where time has gone. I'm really struggling.
 

Go Hungry

MyPTSD Pro
Gods how horrible. I'm so sorry. Your boss though, probably has to have a copy of that tape for legal reasons, so try to keep that in mind. It's likely just a matter of corporate policy, which is good in that they're taking it seriously. Again, I'm so sorry.. :hug:
 
D

Deleted member 1860

Mytai,
I am really concerned that you are repeatedly traumatized. I don't know what else to say that could help, but yes, it is concerning. I'm sorry you're going through something new every few months or so.
 

Ryn

MyPTSD Pro
Oh my dear mytai... I am so sorry this is happening to you. I honestly can't find the words to express. I wish I could just scoop you up and take you somewhere safe away from all of this. Gentlest of hugs to you if you want them. :( <3
 

mytai

MyPTSD Pro
I told my T in the emails we were sending that day that I feel like I'm doing something wrong. That I'm doing something to bring this on myself. It's one thing to have it happen by someone you know repeatedly, but this was a complete stranger. I feel like everything that has happened to me recently is all my fault.
 

KwanYingirl

MyPTSD Pro
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I am confused why your boss would want a copy of the surveillance video. What business is it to her unless she's trying to figure out if this qualifies as a workplace injury? I didn't know there isn't protection around this.

You have every right to be feeling triggered after this. You stayed strong though and got him arrested. Good for you! Talk about it over and over til it loses it's grip on you.
 

RussH

MyPTSD Pro
Mytai welcome back, although I am really sorry about the circumstances. I really hope they throw the book at the guy. I am also sorry you are being so triggered; that is rough. I do know that you face it day to day and sooner or later the triggering will be less, and you will recover.

I do have a question: It seems you have been traumatized more than once; have you considered taking some kind of self defense classes?

Please understand I know you did absolutely nothing to ask for this creep to attack you and that you are a vicitm and in no way responsible for his actions. I was just thinking if you took some kind of self defense classes it might allow you to develop a swagger that tells the creeps that they had better look else where because you are nobody's victim.

I just want to see you safe, and well. I hope my suggestion is accepted in the way it is intended; as an idea to help you prevent this from ever happening again. Take care friend.[DOUBLEPOST=1404906602,1404906441][/DOUBLEPOST]
I feel like everything that has happened to me recently is all my fault.
Mytai. It is not your fault. Too often, when we have been traumatized, we try to accept blame for it, when we have done nothing to cause the trauma, and certainly nothing to ask for it. Do not blame yourself for other people's evil.
 

jmni

MyPTSD Pro
Well, I know that the point of your post is how triggered you were. But I cannot help to compare you to me. I am really glad that he was arrested and has a court date set. It's much better over all because you said you had decided not to press charges because you didn't want to get let down again. And so far, you were not let down. You're sort of lucky becuase it was taken out of your hands.

I can see why you would be in a sort of frenzy after an event like this. I suspect you will be less triggered after the trial.

@mytai, so how do you feel? Because your trust in the police is damaged clearly, but he was arrested, and charged. Do you feel differently at all?

Also, @mytai your inbox is full.
 

Ryn

MyPTSD Pro
None of this is your fault. None of it. Absolutely none. :hug:

You don't deserve this, not in any way. You deserve peace and safety and joy. You are a special, unique, beautiful person and I am so proud and in awe of you for your strength and resilience through everything, even if you can't see it.

I'm so, so sorry this is happening to you. But it is not. Your. Fault. xox
 

mytai

MyPTSD Pro
I do have a question: It seems you have been traumatized more than once; have you considered taking some kind of self defense classes?
I have had self defence classes before, but no I haven't considered taking them.

so how do you feel? Because your trust in the police is damaged clearly, but he was arrested, and charged. Do you feel differently at all?
I am triggered. Today I had to file a formal incident report at work which meant rehashing all the specifics about what happened, I ended up dry heaving outside after. I don't feel differently about the police because it isn't over yet. I'm just waiting for something to blow up and not work out with this.

@jmni, I cleaned it out, so you can message me now.
 
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