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F#ck you! sorry but not sorry

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by saraemerald, Jan 4, 2018.

  1. saraemerald

    saraemerald Well-Known Member

    f*ck you! I hate you God!. This may be offensive to some and I am sorry. I don't want to interfere with anyone's faith.
    But this is how I feel right now with my former faith. It has caused a lot of pain and because of it, I have a sh#t ton of anger towards a God and the former strict religion I was once a part of. I have only felt distress and pain and shame since leaving and am trying so hard to pick myself back up from it. I am sooo angry and am so tired and pissed off! They taught us we were nothing without God (Jehovah) and nothing if we left the organization. Because I once believed in the BS of the org, I believed this. So when I wanted/started to leave, I believed something was wrong with me and I started to hurt myself because I believed I was nothing without this 'cult'. I am tryi9ng now toi find my self worth without this 'cult' and I am struggling. I once felt good about myself when I was following the all it's rules to a tea, but was also frustrated because I felt unfulfilled because following this cult, left you with no life. Because of this cult and feeling unfullfilled in life, I started destroying my life. But it was because I was confused and trying to honestly follow the directions of a cult, for my life, and it sucked so bad. And all the friends I made while in the cult, rejected me and this made me feel so bad about myself because it was all I ever knew growing up.
    Ronin, Kittengirl, Anarchy and 9 others like this.
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  3. SpiritSong

    SpiritSong myptsd.com depend$ upon YOU!!! Premium Member Sponsor $100+

    I'm so sorry this happened to you. There are other folks here who have survived being in cults and have left those cults too. You are not alone. I hope you heal and find peace here and in your life.
    saraemerald, LilLynx, Anarchy and 6 others like this.
  4. Sideways

    Sideways I'm a VIP Premium Member

    There is nothing, not one thing, in heaven or earth, that detracts from your inherent value as a human.

    I haven’t been able to repair my relationship with god after what was done to me. But I am, slowly, repairing my relationship with myself. That’s what counts. No matter what anyone has told you, no matter how godly they professed to be, you have value because you are human, and you are worthy of love. Where there is life, there is hope, so don’t quit on yourself. You’re not alone:)
    Ronin, saraemerald, LilLynx and 6 others like this.
  5. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

    You weren’t following God. You were following a cult that selfishly hijacked God’s name for its own purposes. If you follow the basic premise that God is Love, you’ll see that these people are more in line with the anti-Christ. Hugs.
  6. Saywhat

    Saywhat Member

    That's a sad story. When our family left a church we'd attended for over 10 years we found ourselves with zero community. We hadn't made friends elsewhere, and the friends we thought we had didn't want anything to do with us since we'd had the audacity to leave. And that wasn't even a cult, so I can hardly imagine the shock you might be feeling.

    What I learned from that experience: Enjoy your get-out-of-jail-free card. Find your own definition of what it means to have a higher power -- or not. I had plenty of times of wondering if they were right and I was dead-wrong. Now, over 10-years later, I maintain a very light touch with a church. I don't talk too much about their faith because well, I pretty much don't agree with it. But I can now appreciate that this group is trying hard to be good people and are not clinging so tightly to doctrine.

    So -- I wish you much peace on this journey of discovery. You'll be fine, in the end, I am confident of that. All that anger and rage and hurt -- yup. It will fade. Try to keep in mind that you're alright. That it's them, not you. And, I applaud your bravery!
    saraemerald, LilLynx, Anarchy and 6 others like this.
  7. Chiqui

    Chiqui Well-Known Member

    Ronin, saraemerald, LilLynx and 4 others like this.
  8. saraemerald

    saraemerald Well-Known Member

    So true Eve. Thank you

    Thank you for sharing. It's definitely been a learning process since leaving. The whole God thing is scary to me right now and am in limbo with that, which Im Ok with. Now I'm dealing with the aftermath of the guilt and shame of leaving and self-sabotage and am learning how the cult's doctrines have affected me so I can heal. I have also met up with others who have left this cult too, so that has helped tremendously. I'm angry too because I've already had to deal with healing childhood trauma and this on top of everything else just sucks.
    I'm getting there somehow. Lol

    Thank you Chiqui. I will definitely check that out.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2018
    EveHarrington and Chiqui like this.
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