f*ck you! I hate you God!. This may be offensive to some and I am sorry. I don't want to interfere with anyone's faith. But this is how I feel right now with my former faith. It has caused a lot of pain and because of it, I have a sh#t ton of anger towards a God and the former strict religion I was once a part of. I have only felt distress and pain and shame since leaving and am trying so hard to pick myself back up from it. I am sooo angry and am so tired and pissed off! They taught us we were nothing without God (Jehovah) and nothing if we left the organization. Because I once believed in the BS of the org, I believed this. So when I wanted/started to leave, I believed something was wrong with me and I started to hurt myself because I believed I was nothing without this 'cult'. I am tryi9ng now toi find my self worth without this 'cult' and I am struggling. I once felt good about myself when I was following the all it's rules to a tea, but was also frustrated because I felt unfulfilled because following this cult, left you with no life. Because of this cult and feeling unfullfilled in life, I started destroying my life. But it was because I was confused and trying to honestly follow the directions of a cult, for my life, and it sucked so bad. And all the friends I made while in the cult, rejected me and this made me feel so bad about myself because it was all I ever knew growing up.