Facebook friend posted a picture of the Psych patients

Ohmygosh

New Here
My friend works in a hospital and posted a picture of a woman helping another woman who was in the hospital bed.

She said, oh, something about how beautiful it is that mental patients can be there for each other.

Because of my sensitivities, it didn't just make me say! Yeah! It was a sweet picture!

I thought it was sweet that she took a picture of kindness, but also am never helping myself to keep friends, apparently. And I do need friends.

My stupid self writes about it being perhaps a thing to re-frame. Maybe they are just people who have disturbances.

Boom. One sentence I am saying, I identify with them, and she is not really sensitive.

Shit. What is wrong with me?

But they are still first and foremost - people, if we frame it that way, I write. The mania, the schizophrenia, the substance abuse, that is after the people first.

I cannot fit in anywhere. I am judging her. I am making random statements that alienate me. F-me.

I can no longer tell if I'm like this because I am afraid of people or if I truly have a voice to be heard... Because when I had my whits, I navigated this all much better. Now I am just a vocal lune.

I wrote here before, and I did not fit in.
I was exasperated, I suppose. A member did pick up on that.

Some folks who also don't give up gave me feedback that really was something I took to heart about getting overwhelmed. A cup overfilled. Showed me the circle-scale. So true.

You cannot write sincere thoughts and care reviews like that or the ones that also wrote that were less than cool to read from my side... It was all food for development.

I do go into rants. I have my moments. Some of them might help me to learn and hope to grow, and get back to where I can help others. That's where my heart is.

So, I cant promise I'll fit in here. I can promise to be judgmental and ridiculous... And and I can promise its because my support system was there in damage mode, and I think its time to grow and be my whacky opinionated self and get all of it back... That cannot be worse than me spiraling into nothing and alienating. That's not who I am.

Scared away for a year.?.?
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Doesn't sound like you have done anything but express yourself, which is totally valid to do. And a friend will listen to and respect that. Someone that is pretending to be a friend won't.
What jumped in my mind was, did she have consent from the people to take the photo and put it up on social media?
I totally agree with you. They are people. Doesn't matter where they are or why they are there.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Sorry some things were said to you here that kept you away for a year. But super proud you are trying again!

Give yourself some time to find your way around here. Post what you need to say, ask questions if you need help with something, and know that someone is hearing you. We all need someone we can connect with to travel this hard healing journey.

Glad you gave yourself, and us, another chance.
 

Ohmygosh

New Here
I held true to form and disappeared again.

I watched it yesterday. Watched myself in action. I called my brother's ex-wife. My attacking-out-of-blue oldest brother's ex-wife.

And she was not comfortable, at all to give me any kind and sharing open-ness. She was in my wedding. To extend to her and my brother, well wishes for them.

I was kept at home to home school, and my brother (3) were for the first year as well.

I was thw only one who could see why. My mom's boyfriend was a legit sociopath, and I learned later when this dude walked into the bank I worked at- at 20 years old... He was doing the same game. It was a bad day. I did make him sit (my childhood stealing) person, and took the new girlfriend to a separate department to activate her debit- card.

She said: oh, you're Chris's daughter.
(Priming)

I just looked at her and said: "you have children, right?"

3 - I sussed-out before we moved.

I told her point blank- You should watch what you are doing here. Asking me to approve a check of 10k from your family's account. That they left to you.
I told her, before the abuser ran into the room.... You said that you have children, right?

Yes, nasty, but also afraid. She wondered.

I said that this guy doesn't care if they are a girl or a boy. I did all of that while I gave her a pin to her Debit-card.

And they left.

I also alerted my boss that he was a known con-artist. She was being shmoozed, and they both looked at me croas-eyed and ignored me.

When I returned to other-side, I guess that my abuser was able to convince someone-else to approve the transaction in her absence.

My abuse situation is compounded over a lifetime, of people who are oblivious.

My older brother MAYBE LOST his mind in my 30, and attacked me with social campaigns... While I was doing so much good.

It worked.

Still makes me tripp. So hard.

Today I thought about self esteem. Self value.

So I looked that up.

Set goals. Remember what you did that was good. Remember that you are a whole person.

I often wonder when I see what others are going-through... When I have the straight to fight-back for life, if they are stuck because their world is also still the same. These people who helped us and shaped us, and the ones caught in the cross-hairs, it I say...

I know, I have so much love.

Today, I remind myself of something that was so distant when my mind keeps hurting. I am good. I am a whole person. It's not black and white with my little brothers. They are "primed." I knew this a long time ago... And being not able to be loved. It triggers me, amd I explode with asking to be loved. But in animal brain again.

If they could be able to trust me, if I wasn't devastated after all I sacrifices for them, I would be doing better.

We were fine. When I gave my older brother a job, he was so "good" and kind.

He's learned to take his own anger-out me. It's something I didn't have time to watch... But I started shaking when I spoke to him.

I was right. There is no ear for me, because I tried to explain this amd it seems unreal to people who know this charmer.

2016, when I was in the shit. He struck.
He looked at me, at Thanksgiving, a holiday I made important for my whole family as a growing woman, he looked at me and taunted me.

You're not normal. He said, as my sweet younger brother cooked in thw kitchen with his beautiful fiance.

I am normal. I was just not comfortable around a person who has shame and guilt.. (No excuse). Not like autism.

I told my little brother-hosting- if David bullies me, or if he doesn't, I'm going to leave in 20 minutes. We have a plan.

My little brother didn't see my older brother taunting me. To him, it was just me. My problem. I'm mental.

Being Primed.

It happens to the best families. Its super hard to watch it happen, when your heart cam physically feel it. When you love, and its taken wrong. And she you have no control over any of it.

I know folks here talk, and I see that there is not support. People that should care just judge.

My heart goes out to these people.

And I Am VERY Grateful to have a place to talk.
 
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