False Memory

[LeiaFlower]

Yesterday I had flashes of images of being raped by groomer with either a dildo or strap on. Even though I was under the influence of cannabis and I’ve read an article on false memory work with the power of suggestion; I don’t think this is fake. The images came out of nowhere I didn’t dwell on an idea. The entire day I was being weird. I asked my friend randomly if she ever been assaulted when our conversation didn’t remind or call of it. Then once I got high I was being even weirder.

My privates hurted on and off again. I stated I had to change my shorts, even though I was wearing jeans, because it was inappropriate. I kept feeling as if I was sitting on something with plastic. It was specifically plastic. I thought it had to be a chair. I don’t know if this all is body memories involving the object my groomer used to hurt me.

After the images came to mind I kept denying it. Stating I didn’t want this to happen to me. I didn’t understand why I asked my friend that question before I got high. Then someone who said she was 35 came out but I felt in control. It was trippy. I was there and I didn’t feel out of body. But someone 35 was there. I can’t remember what she said. It could’ve been me embodying my groomer.

 

[LeiaFlower]

do anyone have any advice or insight? 🥺 i really need encouragement feeling numb and i don’t know how to proceed this

 

[Movingforward10]

Then once I got high I was being even weirder.

I would put aside the thoughts and feelings from being high. I don't know what you take to get high, but being high changes reality and perceptions. So, put those aside. I've had full on conversations with a drain pipe whilst off my face, so you know, reality and sense are out the window.

The thoughts before being high: that's the thing to look at. But even with that, how often do you get high? Because that could still have an impact, if you were coming down.

only you know if a feeling or flashback is a memory. It can be very destablising working it out. Do you have a therapist or place in real life to help you navigate through this?



 

 

[StillPen]

I don't have any advice except to say I'm sorry you experienced this and if you dont have one, engage immediately with a qualified therapist. I often fight my flashbacks as I wonder if I'm experiencing real memories or fabricating the 'stories' my siblings told me that happened to them, not me and my mind is trying to incorporate them into my experience to fill in the gaps of my memories. It is scary and makes one feel crazy. I know that marijuana can often be laced with other drugs that can lead to hallucinations, but the fact that you had body memories coincide with flashes is what compells me to suggest you seek professional help specifically from a trauma informed therapist. I was pretty drunk the first time I recalled a childhood sexual assault. It was a nightmare come to life.

I wish you the best as you sort through this.

 

[Friday]

do anyone have any advice or insight? 🥺 i really need encouragement feeling numb and i don’t know how to proceed this

1. Not sure if you realize you didn’t actually pose a question in your post? A common enough thing, especially when it seems obvious to us, to skip over… but it does make it difficult for people to know how to respond or reply.

2. Since you posted this in Relationships, are you mostly interested in the interaction with your friend? Or another relationship, like with the person who assaulted you? Or did your mind jump to the relationship between getting high & flashabcks vs getting high & false memories? Or (something else)? and staff might should move it over to a forum that fits a bit better ? <<< If this last one, simply hit report post, and whomever is on can easily move it for you.

 

[fenestrate]

It depends on what you mean by "false".

If you experienced a trauma event it is common for your brain at the time of the event to alter your memory so that it is not so traumatic. Your brain can change your memory by deleting the event, deleting the worst parts, or changing what happened.

It took me a while for me to realize why some of my memories are so weird. I believe what I remember is an accurate recording of what my brain was experiencing at that time, but what was actually happening was different from what my brain was experiencing.

I have no idea if my experience is in anyway similar or relevant to your experience.

 

[LeiaFlower]

It depends on what you mean by "false".

What I meant by my post was I confused on if what I was experiencing was a false memory or a real one. This confusion was due to not knowing if the weed affects memories in a bad way or if it brings things to the subconscious.

If you experienced a trauma event it is common for your brain at the time of the event to alter your memory so that it is not so traumatic. Your brain can change your memory by deleting the event, deleting the worst parts, or changing what happened.

It took me a while for me to realize why some of my memories are so weird. I believe what I remember is an accurate recording of what my brain was experiencing at that time, but what was actually happening was different from what my brain was experiencing.

I have no idea if my experience is in anyway similar or relevant to your experience.

I’m not for sure. I wish there was a recording on everything that happened when I was alone with her in that room.

1. Not sure if you realize you didn’t actually pose a question in your post? A common enough thing, especially when it seems obvious to us, to skip over… but it does make it difficult for people to know how to respond or reply.

I apologize for not posing a question clearly. I mainly wanted to post if someone else experienced something similar. But this could’ve been an insight I highlighted at the end of the post.

2. Since you posted this in Relationships, are you mostly interested in the interaction with your friend? Or another relationship, like with the person who assaulted you? Or did your mind jump to the relationship between getting high & flashabcks vs getting high & false memories? Or (something else)? and staff might should move it over to a forum that fits a bit better ? <<< If this last one, simply hit report post, and whomever is on can easily move it for you.

If it’s possible to move this from relationships to General. Because I genuinely don’t understand what category this falls under.

 

[LeiaFlower]

I would put aside the thoughts and feelings from being high.

That’s what I had to do when I more memories come out when I was high another time. However, now I have a comparison. Because the memories were connected to things I can verify. I verified the color of the religious building she took me to. I verified the local mall she use to prize me with after the abuse. All of these vivid memories happened with the same frost look when I was high. So even though correlations don’t always mean facts, I simply have use my assumption that the memory where she assaults me with a sex to its real.

only you know if a feeling or flashback is a memory.

after talking to a sibling I wasn’t the only one who witnessed it. She saw me being forced into a room alone with her where none of my other siblings were allowed to enter or they would’ve gotten in trouble.

engage immediately with a qualified therapist.

I have and she recommended going to the police and reporting her to her religious church. I’m just happy that more people in my support system are believing me. I use to tell hawks all the time that I was doing this for attention but I could care less about getting attention. I just want everyone to know I’m telling the truth.

I often fight my flashbacks as I wonder if I'm experiencing real memories or fabricating the 'stories' my siblings told me that happened to them

My siblings also told me that bad things could’ve happened when I was alone in that room. Especially since she was inappropriate with one of my other siblings on another occasion.

the fact that you had body memories coincide with flashes is what compells me to suggest you seek professional help specifically from a trauma informed therapist. I was pretty drunk the first time I recalled a childhood sexual assault. It was a nightmare come to life.