Hello, my name is Brandon I'm in my late 20s and my dad admitted last year after 26 years of pain that he did it all to drive me insane. I believe my parents are psychopaths aa far as my family they're either enablers or Narcissists. My whole family has done it to me but my dad finally admitted it. I don't even know where to begin with my story but here it goes: I was around the age of 5 when I started to feel depressed (before I even knew what the word "depression" meant. That year was the year I got held back (which would eventually shape my entire future) From that point on things just got worse and worse. By the age of 8 and 9 things got even worse as I come from a family of alcoholics and my dad was one so he would come home and my mom would make up something and my dad would either whip me with a belt or bare bottom spank me in front of my siblings until my mom told him to stop. Eventually it just turned into flat out gaslighting. I was by definition and still am the family scapegoat. My whole life I have never had a single genuine connection with a non abusive person. I have been critized, mocked, and psychologically tormented for years by my family and everyone I've ever known in my life. My whole life has been nothing, but a horror movie. And it gets worse. She started to get sick ALL the time. It got to the point where we would be arguing about something and she would pretend her back hurts by groaning in pain. This happened so frequently that I began to suspect that she might be doing that on purpose. Not to mention she coerced me for years to be on all different kinds of medications that made me even worse as the sucidal thoughts increased x10. My story is much much longer than anything I could ever write on this site but I finally had to leave after my dad attempted to kill me. I'm currently homeless with barely any money, no job, and way less life skills than most people. My reality is so distorted I don't know who I am when I look in thr mirror and I can barely understand basic concepts after the years of gaslighting. I'm severely suicidal and see no way out anymore. My whole life has been completely ruined. My emotions are shot, my soul is dead, and my mind is not my own anymore. I'm literally hanging on a thread and I catch myself moaning and rocking back and forth uncontrollably barely alive but not quite dead. I'm in the state of Illinois if anyone I mean anyone can help me find good free or low cost resources or someone who really understands my trauma PLEASE DONT HESISITATE I'm on the verge of laying down and dying.