• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Family Or God? Why Must I Choose?

Status
Not open for further replies.

Neverthesame

MyPTSD Pro
Well.... This is one of the scariest posts I've ever written. Deep breath, here goes...

This has been an interesting week.

Almost killed, almost fired, now possibly ex-communicated.

You know? I am getting really f*cking sick of just about everything lately. Why is there no cave I can crawl into for the next 40 or so years?

I mentioned elsewhere that an Aunt of mine had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She is late stage, only a few weeks, maybe a couple months at the very most, before she will go on her own.
She has been in hospice care for the last few months, they've taken really good care of her. Unfortunately she has reached the point where even palliative care is no longer able to alleviate her suffering. She is in constant agony, with nothing more that can be done.

Except...

I just learned this today, that Alberta the Canadian province she (and I) reside in. Has recently legalised medical assistance in dying. For which she has applied for and been accepted.
She is scheduled to... go... on monday.

Now this on it's own, I don't have too much issue with. For several reasons.
  • It's her decision
  • She is one of the most level headed, down to earth, reasonable people I have ever known. She has absolutely thought this out fully.
  • This really is the only way to end her suffering at this point.
  • It's not reasonable to assume someone will discover either the cure for cancer, or the better working analgesic in the next month or two.
  • Asking (let alone expecting) someone to wile away in agony is cruel and unethical in my opinion.
  • Again. It's her decision.
That being said I had reasons for not being supportive of this. During the night, whilst researching the other side of the issue in regards to my religious beliefs.

It seems the Catholic Church, in it's infinite wisdom. Has decided that euthanasia is immoral and a dire sin, for not just the person being euthanised, or the physician administering the drugs. But anyone who is supportive of the process and chooses to attend the final moments. Will be held to the same level of sin.

In other words.
Whenever the day comes for me to die and be buried, I will not be eligible for the Catholic funerary rites.

This was causing me some trepidation. It's a big decision.

I find it odd that turning your back on family could ever be a good thing to do as a Christian. Seems to be rather wrong. Still a big decision.

Then I thought of something else.

A while ago, someone wrote in the anonymous forums, asking about survivors guilt. They had difficulty living with a decision to save their own life, whilst abandoning an infant to die in a car, when a accident scene was crashed into by a drink driver.

That was me.

Now being faced with this... Decision.

Abandon someone else who is in need, of not medical aid, but support from family during the end of their life. So I can have the silly ritual that will hopefully send my soul to heaven. Whenever it is that I am to die.

To hell with it.
If God really thinks abandoning family in their time of need to save serve your own selfish needs, is what is right? Too damn bad.

I can't live with making that mistake a second time.

I guess I'm no longer a catholic. So be it.
I'd rather die a sinner than a selfish coward.

I guess I made my choice. Not so much a question than a vent.
Mods feel free to move this wherever you feel appropriate, if not here.

Thank you to anyone who reads this.
 
Well.... This is one of the scariest posts I've ever written. Deep breath, here goes...

This has...
I just want to give you a hug if you accept.. I'm not in a good place today so I don't have much I can say other than.. I know you must be feeling bereft and hurt and maybe even a bit unsure.. but can I just say.. Good. For. You.. and my deepest caring compassionate thoughts to your Aunt..
 
If God really thinks abandoning family in their time of need to save serve your own selfish needs, is what is right? Too damn bad.
I've got a story for you, I'll try to keep it short.

Years ago, a friend who was a Vietnam vet shot himself. I've got a lot of 'shoulda, woulda, coulda' stuff around his death. I was talking about it with another close friend, years later. He was a fundamentalist Protestant Christian. He was very devote, but he believed that, if you killed yourself, you went to hell. Period, end of discussion. I was some sort of agnostic at the time. I told him that, if HIS God was so cold hearted that he couldn't respond to the pain of someone who was led to the point of suicide, I wanted no part of such a god. In fact, such a god seemed to be totally opposed to most, maybe all, of what I value. Long running discussion. My friend did 4 tours in the Middle East, came home and shot himself. The only thing I can think is that now he knows I was right.

My thought is the Bible clearly states "God is love". I'm holding on to that. It's not so clear on ritual and ceremony. Except that Jesus seemed to have a particularly hard time with those who thought rituals were more important than people. I'm pretty sure the Catholic Church has a bunch of the details wrong. But I can understand how this puts you in a tough spot! I hope you're aunt's passing is quiet and easy, and that she'll tell my 2 friends hi for me when she gets to where they are. (And I'm totally sure they aren't in hell, either one of them.) You've had a rough week. May YOUR path get easier too!
 
I was raise a catholic. But all the catholic religion did for me(as I look back) was abuse me in the name of religion. My sister passed almost 2 yrs ago from Cancer and I never understood why she didn't take her own life while she had the chance to. I have always believed that as humans, we put down animals when they are in pain, so why not humans too.

I'm sorry that you are faced with this decision, and I hope that your aunt passes quickly and peacefully to end her suffering.

Religion isn't a church, it isn't a synagogue, it isn't a building. I believe it's within the person and if they want to practice a religion it can be done whenever, wherever, and with whom ever they choose. If you have faith, then practice it, you just don't have to go to a building to do so. JMO!!!!
 
To me there is no God family is real and it really is her choice some people just have enough I looked into euthansia when I've been at my worst you should respect her decision support and say your goodbyes don't be angry be hurt and remorseful but no anger . she is been a decent person by not doing it herself and having her family find her cos that be worse hope you find peace x
 
You, and your aunt, have my sympathy and support. These are some of the hardest decisions we ever face.

I have only residual issues around faith, but I would have said that I thought we should never be responsible for ending another human life unless it was unavoidable.I thought there were too many risks associated with removing that taboo from society. That was until I faced the same circumstances as you are now, with two close friends. We don't have legal euthanasia here, but in each case I found that I offered to help them myself if that was what they wanted. One friend had chosen to go that way, but found someone else to do it. The other wanted to hold on to life for as long as possible, no matter what. I'm grateful that I didn't have to do it myself, but I find that I do actually believe that individuals have the right to make that decision for themselves, and that if I accept their right to choose then I must also support them in carrying it out.

For you, I don't think the decision is tied in with that other horrible decision in the past, though I can see why it links in your mind. Making that link might cloud your thinking here though. I think your decision isn't really about the conflict between your soul and your aunts needs. It is more about whether you accept the whole tenet of the church, because if you do then it has to be followed at any cost. That is the choice that made me reject faith. I knew that if I continued to believe then it might well cost me my sanity, and I decided I wasn't prepared to pay that price for being consistent with my faith.

It's hard, and painful to be where you are.
 
@Danielle Regan Absolutely. I've no anger towards my aunt. I support her in this decision.
I am only angry towards the church I believed cared for people, peace and solidarity of family. I couldn't think of a worse thing to do, than to bring that kind of anger and negativity into the last moments of a person's life.

Believe me, if I felt any animosity towards her, I would not go. To bring a black cloud of misery into someone's last hours on earth, would be unconscionable.

As for you not being a believer. You know what I can say that I really know about God?
Not faith, or belief. But actual factual knowledge of the entity, he/she/it whatever it is, after 30 years of being a catholic?
Just as much as you. ;)

my deepest caring compassionate thoughts to your Aunt.
Thank you.

My thought is the Bible clearly states "God is love". I'm holding on to that. It's not so clear on ritual and ceremony. Except that Jesus seemed to have a particularly hard time with those who thought rituals were more important than people.
I remember reading this too...
Guess I know which passages stuck with me through the years.

The important ones.

@Sandstone There a lot of wisdom in what you have said. I wish I was in a better state of mind to be able to articulate it better. I very much appreciate what you have said.
Thank you.

@shimmerz I can't argue with that.

I hope that your aunt passes quickly and peacefully to end her suffering.
Me too, me too.
She's had a hard life.
But she's an amazing woman, who has given so much of herself for other's (it sounds so cliché, but she really has). If anyone is deserving of peace, it's her.
 
Pray to God. Meditate. The answer will come to you.

I think that the Catholic Church likes to pretend it's on par with God, but we all know that's not true. They've changed their stances on some VERY big issues over the years. So that in and of itself makes one question.

I do not believe that life is so precious that those who have horrific qualities of life must be forced to endure that pain. One could even question if this is the influence of the "other side" coming on through. No, not even the Catholic Church is immune to the influence of the dark side.

God knows you love your aunt. God knows you have done everything you can for her. God will not forsake you now. He is not going to turn his back on you for helping to alleviate the suffering of another one of his creatures.

I realize your faith in the church, but it's important to remember it's a religion made up & influenced by man, & man is fallible. (Religion is a man made concept, faith & God are very real. I hope you understand my distinction.) Consult with God himself. That is where you will find your answer.
 
I think that the Catholic Church likes to pretend it's on par with God, but we all know that's not true. They've changed their stances on some VERY big issues over the years.

++

God is God - and God is love.

The people that interpret who God is and how people 'should' behave are just that, people...flawed, human and ...wrong a lot of times.

Peace be with you and your precious Aunt through this.
 
Ooooo I thought u was angry with ur an ties decision I read it wrong and no no God cos if there was certain things wouldn't of happened that my opinion that all each to there own and all that xx
 
This is a tough thread topic.

My personal beliefs don't matter here. In my opinion, this is ultimately between you, your faith and possibly linking 2 trauma situations together.

Your struggle seems to be very real in choosing whether or not you should again, forsake a loved one. There may be differing opinions on that as well.

I have yet to find a story, chapter or verse that supports abandoning anyone in such a critical need. If Jesus Himself died alone and abandoned, who better to understand the need for love, support and the assurance of loved ones standing by?

If you can, maybe you should talk to your aunt about it. If she's half the person you've described, she may be able to help you and reassure you in her love for you. Don't mistake grief for guilt either.

I do hope all is calm and peaceful on Monday for both your Aunt and yourself. That you will be at peace with whatever decision you make.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top