Neverthesame
MyPTSD Pro
Well.... This is one of the scariest posts I've ever written. Deep breath, here goes...
This has been an interesting week.
Almost killed, almost fired, now possibly ex-communicated.
You know? I am getting really f*cking sick of just about everything lately. Why is there no cave I can crawl into for the next 40 or so years?
I mentioned elsewhere that an Aunt of mine had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She is late stage, only a few weeks, maybe a couple months at the very most, before she will go on her own.
She has been in hospice care for the last few months, they've taken really good care of her. Unfortunately she has reached the point where even palliative care is no longer able to alleviate her suffering. She is in constant agony, with nothing more that can be done.
Except...
I just learned this today, that Alberta the Canadian province she (and I) reside in. Has recently legalised medical assistance in dying. For which she has applied for and been accepted.
She is scheduled to... go... on monday.
Now this on it's own, I don't have too much issue with. For several reasons.
It seems the Catholic Church, in it's infinite wisdom. Has decided that euthanasia is immoral and a dire sin, for not just the person being euthanised, or the physician administering the drugs. But anyone who is supportive of the process and chooses to attend the final moments. Will be held to the same level of sin.
In other words.
Whenever the day comes for me to die and be buried, I will not be eligible for the Catholic funerary rites.
This was causing me some trepidation. It's a big decision.
I find it odd that turning your back on family could ever be a good thing to do as a Christian. Seems to be rather wrong. Still a big decision.
Then I thought of something else.
A while ago, someone wrote in the anonymous forums, asking about survivors guilt. They had difficulty living with a decision to save their own life, whilst abandoning an infant to die in a car, when a accident scene was crashed into by a drink driver.
That was me.
Now being faced with this... Decision.
Abandon someone else who is in need, of not medical aid, but support from family during the end of their life. So I can have the silly ritual that will hopefully send my soul to heaven. Whenever it is that I am to die.
To hell with it.
If God really thinks abandoning family in their time of need to save serve your own selfish needs, is what is right? Too damn bad.
I can't live with making that mistake a second time.
I guess I'm no longer a catholic. So be it.
I'd rather die a sinner than a selfish coward.
I guess I made my choice. Not so much a question than a vent.
Mods feel free to move this wherever you feel appropriate, if not here.
Thank you to anyone who reads this.
This has been an interesting week.
Almost killed, almost fired, now possibly ex-communicated.
You know? I am getting really f*cking sick of just about everything lately. Why is there no cave I can crawl into for the next 40 or so years?
I mentioned elsewhere that an Aunt of mine had been diagnosed with terminal cancer. She is late stage, only a few weeks, maybe a couple months at the very most, before she will go on her own.
She has been in hospice care for the last few months, they've taken really good care of her. Unfortunately she has reached the point where even palliative care is no longer able to alleviate her suffering. She is in constant agony, with nothing more that can be done.
Except...
I just learned this today, that Alberta the Canadian province she (and I) reside in. Has recently legalised medical assistance in dying. For which she has applied for and been accepted.
She is scheduled to... go... on monday.
Now this on it's own, I don't have too much issue with. For several reasons.
- It's her decision
- She is one of the most level headed, down to earth, reasonable people I have ever known. She has absolutely thought this out fully.
- This really is the only way to end her suffering at this point.
- It's not reasonable to assume someone will discover either the cure for cancer, or the better working analgesic in the next month or two.
- Asking (let alone expecting) someone to wile away in agony is cruel and unethical in my opinion.
- Again. It's her decision.
It seems the Catholic Church, in it's infinite wisdom. Has decided that euthanasia is immoral and a dire sin, for not just the person being euthanised, or the physician administering the drugs. But anyone who is supportive of the process and chooses to attend the final moments. Will be held to the same level of sin.
In other words.
Whenever the day comes for me to die and be buried, I will not be eligible for the Catholic funerary rites.
This was causing me some trepidation. It's a big decision.
I find it odd that turning your back on family could ever be a good thing to do as a Christian. Seems to be rather wrong. Still a big decision.
Then I thought of something else.
A while ago, someone wrote in the anonymous forums, asking about survivors guilt. They had difficulty living with a decision to save their own life, whilst abandoning an infant to die in a car, when a accident scene was crashed into by a drink driver.
That was me.
Now being faced with this... Decision.
Abandon someone else who is in need, of not medical aid, but support from family during the end of their life. So I can have the silly ritual that will hopefully send my soul to heaven. Whenever it is that I am to die.
To hell with it.
If God really thinks abandoning family in their time of need to save serve your own selfish needs, is what is right? Too damn bad.
I can't live with making that mistake a second time.
I guess I'm no longer a catholic. So be it.
I'd rather die a sinner than a selfish coward.
I guess I made my choice. Not so much a question than a vent.
Mods feel free to move this wherever you feel appropriate, if not here.
Thank you to anyone who reads this.