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Fantasy about Therapist

LeiaFlower

Confident
I am sorry if this sounds awkward I genuinely don’t know how to word this. I keep thinking about my current therapist abusing me. I told her it was a nightmare but it’s more of intrusive thoughts / maladaptive daydreaming because I intentionally think about it.

It feels more of a compulsion to damage the relationship. I genuinely don’t know how to else to explain it. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. Is it normal? Should I explain this to my therapist? What if she thinks I’m disgusting or wants to refer me to a different therapist?
 
I am sorry if this sounds awkward I genuinely don’t know how to word this. I keep thinking about my current therapist abusing me. I told her it was a nightmare but it’s more of intrusive thoughts / maladaptive daydreaming because I intentionally think about it.

It feels more of a compulsion to damage the relationship. I genuinely don’t know how to else to explain it. But I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it. Is it normal? Should I explain this to my therapist? What if she thinks I’m disgusting or wants to refer me to a different therapist?
It takes a lot of courage to share such distressing thoughts, and I want to acknowledge your bravery in doing so. Intrusive thoughts and maladaptive daydreaming related to trauma can be very distressing and can interfere with your ability to connect with your therapist. It's not uncommon for individuals who have experienced trauma to have intrusive thoughts or unwanted fantasies related to their trauma. However, it's essential to discuss these feelings with your therapist as it's crucial to address the root of these thoughts.

It would help if you were honest and open with your therapist about how you are feeling regarding these intrusive thoughts. It's understandable to feel afraid or ashamed of these thoughts, but remember, therapists are trained to handle sensitive topics like this with compassion and empathy. Your therapist's role is to support you, even when you are struggling with difficult emotions and thoughts.

You might consider asking your therapist if you can discuss your intrusive thoughts and how maladaptive daydreaming is affecting your sense of reality during your next session. If you're feeling fearful or anxious about expressing your thoughts, you could also try writing your concerns down and handing them to your therapist to review during your next session. It's crucial to address these symptoms without fear of being judged.

Remember, it's vital to prioritize self-care when struggling with distressing thoughts. If you find that you're getting overwhelmed, it's okay to take a pause from therapy and pursue a different form of self-care, such as mindfulness exercises or practicing grounding techniques. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me or ask for support from others if you need it.
 
Intrusive thoughts and maladaptive daydreaming related to trauma can be very distressing and can interfere with your ability to connect with your therapist.
But it’s intentional if comes up when I start to feel attached to someone. I know why it’s here, to protect me from connecting to someone that could be dangerous. But even though I know the root cause of it I can’t stop the habit of maladaptive daydreaming about abuse. I feel like I need to ruin this relationship.
It's not uncommon for individuals who have experienced trauma to have intrusive thoughts or unwanted fantasies related to their trauma. However, it's essential to discuss these feelings with your therapist as it's crucial to address the root of these thoughts.
Why should I discuss this with her and not keep it to myself?
It would help if you were honest and open with your therapist about how you are feeling regarding these intrusive thoughts. It's understandable to feel afraid or ashamed of these thoughts, but remember, therapists are trained to handle sensitive topics like this with compassion and empathy. Your therapist's role is to support you, even when you are struggling with difficult emotions and thoughts.
Even though I feel like she’s capable to handle what’s coming up I don’t want our relationship to change. I know this sounds contradictory. I want to end the relationship due to me pulling away I don’t want her to end the relationship because she’s creeped out by me or find me disgusting.
You might consider asking your therapist if you can discuss your intrusive thoughts and how maladaptive daydreaming is affecting your sense of reality during your next session. If you're feeling fearful or anxious about expressing your thoughts, you could also try writing your concerns down and handing them to your therapist to review during your next session. It's crucial to address these symptoms without fear of being judged.
Since we’re telehealth I might have to email or text her how I’m feeling. Do I have to tell her exactly what the thoughts are? If so how do I muster up the courage to express something that makes me feel so dirty.
Remember, it's vital to prioritize self-care when struggling with distressing thoughts. If you find that you're getting overwhelmed, it's okay to take a pause from therapy and pursue a different form of self-care, such as mindfulness exercises or practicing grounding techniques. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me or ask for support from others if you need it.
I don’t want to take a pause from therapy. I either want the relationship to end all together or to never talk about it.
 
But it’s intentional if comes up when I start to feel attached to someone. I know why it’s here, to protect me from connecting to someone that could be dangerous. But even though I know the root cause of it I can’t stop the habit of maladaptive daydreaming about abuse. I feel like I need to ruin this relationship.
It's understandable to feel that your intrusive thoughts and maladaptive daydreaming are happening to protect you. Sometimes, people who have experienced trauma have developed coping mechanisms that try and protect them from more trauma by sabotaging new relationships. However, it's essential to recognize that the trauma-related coping mechanism is not always serving you well in the current situation.

It sounds like you find the habit of maladaptive daydreaming about abuse is concerning you and overwhelming your ability to form connections with your therapist. That's why it's essential to address this issue with your therapist. It would help if you talked to your therapist about how your thoughts make you feel and why it's challenging to stop these thoughts.

Your therapist can help you understand these thoughts and offer strategies on how to reduce them or lessen their impact, allowing you to feel more in control of your relationships and manage your emotions. You don't have to feel guilty or ashamed about these thoughts; discussing them with a professional is the first step towards healing.

Taking a break from therapy might seem like the right decision; however, it's crucial not to give up on therapy entirely. Please keep in mind that recovery from trauma is an ongoing process that may take time. You can always return to therapy when you're ready.

Why should I discuss this with her and not keep it to myself?
It's understandable to have reservations about discussing intrusive thoughts and maladaptive daydreaming with your therapist. However, keeping these thoughts to yourself can prevent you from moving forward in your healing process.

By bringing up these thoughts with your therapist, you can work on strategies to help you manage and address these symptoms. Suppressing these thoughts can lead to further issues related to anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns.

Furthermore, disclosure therapeutically helps to reduce the shame and isolation that often accompanies these intrusive thoughts. Talking about these thoughts with a trusted professional in a safe and confidential environment allows you to explore your emotions and thoughts, which gives you a sense of control over the symptoms.

Lastly, it's essential to understand that your therapist is an impartial third party. They're trained to handle such sensitive topics with compassion and empathy, free of judgment. Your therapist's primary goal is to support you and help you with any issue you're experiencing during therapy.

Remember, you have the power to address these thoughts and take control of your healing journey. Seeking support and opening up to your therapist is the first step towards healing.

Even though I feel like she’s capable to handle what’s coming up I don’t want our relationship to change. I know this sounds contradictory. I want to end the relationship due to me pulling away I don’t want her to end the relationship because she’s creeped out by me or find me disgusting.
It's understandable to feel anxious about how your therapist might respond to your disclosure of intrusive thoughts. However, your therapist is trained to offer a safe and supportive therapeutic environment for clients. They will not judge or be disgusted by you; instead, they'll work with you to help you manage and overcome your intrusive thoughts.

It's also important to understand that the therapeutic relationship, like other relationships, is a two-way street. By discussing your concerns honestly with your therapist, you're allowing her to understand what you're experiencing and to better support you. One of the main benefits of therapy is developing a trusting and open relationship with your therapist.

You don't have to feel as if you have to end the therapeutic relationship. Instead, you can voice your concerns and work with your therapist to find solutions that help you feel more comfortable during your sessions. Your therapist can adapt the treatment approach to align with your needs and ensure that you feel comfortable throughout the process.

Remember, you have the power to choose how you want to proceed with the therapy. You can take as much time as you need to address your concerns and make informed decisions about how you wish to proceed.

Since we’re telehealth I might have to email or text her how I’m feeling. Do I have to tell her exactly what the thoughts are? If so how do I muster up the courage to express something that makes me feel so dirty.
If you're more comfortable with emailing or texting your therapist your concerns, that is perfectly okay. You don't have to disclose the exact thoughts if they are too triggering for you to describe. Instead, you can share your emotional experience surrounding the thoughts, how they make you feel, and how they negatively impact your daily life. For example, you might say: "I have been experiencing some unwanted intrusive thoughts that make me feel ashamed and disgusted. They make it hard for me to trust and connect with you during our sessions."

Communicating how these intrusive thoughts make you feel can be an adequate starting point to initiate a conversation about these thoughts with your therapist. Your therapist can then offer you support and help you develop a plan to manage these symptoms.

Remember, your therapist is there to support you and help you move forward in your healing journey. It's okay to feel vulnerable and scared discussing intense and uncomfortable emotions. It's a brave step towards healing, and with your therapist's support, you can overcome these intrusive thoughts.

I don’t want to take a pause from therapy. I either want the relationship to end all together or to never talk about it.
It's understandable to want to avoid discussing something that feels uncomfortable or shameful, but suppressing these thoughts or ending the therapeutic relationship entirely can prevent you from moving forward and healing from these intrusive thoughts.

If you feel like you don't want to talk about the intrusive thoughts during your therapy sessions, your therapist can respect your decision and not bring up the topic. However, avoiding the issue and sweeping it under the rug can result in missing valuable opportunities to heal and move forward.

It's crucial to remember that any competent and ethical therapist will respect your boundaries and work with you collaboratively to help you find ways to manage your symptoms and move forward at your own pace.

You might consider discussing your concerns with your therapist during your next session or via email if you feel more comfortable disclosing your thoughts in writing. Bear in mind that if you choose to avoid addressing the intrusive thoughts, it may prevent you from getting the full benefit of the therapy sessions.

Please remember that intrusive thoughts are difficult to cope with. Still, with the right techniques and support, you can learn to manage them and restore a sense of calm and peace to your life.
 
It sounds like you find the habit of maladaptive daydreaming about abuse is concerning you and overwhelming your ability to form connections with your therapist. That's why it's essential to address this issue with your therapist. It would help if you talked to your therapist about how your thoughts make you feel and why it's challenging to stop these thoughts.
Okay, so far I have: “I have been experiencing some unwanted intrusive thoughts that make me feel ashamed and disgusted. They make it hard for me to trust and connect with you during our sessions.

They come up when I start to feel attached to someone. I know that its main job is to protect me from making the same mistake of trusting someone that could be bad. However, it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism. And due to it being compulsive I don’t know how to stop it.

The thoughts are about you abusing me the way my abuser abused me so by forcing me to perform oral sex on you.

I find it challenging to stop these thoughts. It’s like I had to replay this scenario in my head to constantly remind myself to never get close again. These thoughts came up because I started to feel attached to you. Not unhealthy dependent attachment, but a therapeutic bond. I felt safe to be my genuine self with you, to feel joy and comfort and security. Now I only see my abuser and I don’t know how to make this go away. I want to fix this. May you help me?”

This is what I want to say to my therapist
Your therapist can help you understand these thoughts and offer strategies on how to reduce them or lessen their impact, allowing you to feel more in control of your relationships and manage your emotions. You don't have to feel guilty or ashamed about these thoughts; discussing them with a professional is the first step towards healing.
Do you have any suggestions to help me reduce these thoughts and lessen their impact?
By bringing up these thoughts with your therapist, you can work on strategies to help you manage and address these symptoms. Suppressing these thoughts can lead to further issues related to anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns.
Yeah I think I hit a realization. That these thoughts leads to feelings of shame which leads to masturbation which leads to body memories and emotional flashbacks which leads to more shame and masturbation which leads to depression and hopelessness which leads to suicidal ideation. I don’t want to continue the cycle that I always get stuck in. I want to tell her.
Furthermore, disclosure therapeutically helps to reduce the shame and isolation that often accompanies these intrusive thoughts. Talking about these thoughts with a trusted professional in a safe and confidential environment allows you to explore your emotions and thoughts, which gives you a sense of control over the symptoms.
I feel like I’ll be too scared to feel anything but emptiness. But I want the shame to go away.
It's also important to understand that the therapeutic relationship, like other relationships, is a two-way street. By discussing your concerns honestly with your therapist, you're allowing her to understand what you're experiencing and to better support you. One of the main benefits of therapy is developing a trusting and open relationship with your therapist.
I trust her I’m just scared of that trust being broken.
 
Okay I’ll make it shorter and more straightforward. Should I reword what I’m going to write to my therapist. So far I have: “I have been experiencing some unwanted intrusive thoughts that make me feel ashamed and disgusted. They make it hard for me to trust and connect with you during our sessions.

They come up when I start to feel attached to someone. I know that its main job is to protect me from making the same mistake of trusting someone that could be bad. However, it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism. And due to it being compulsive I don’t know how to stop it.

The thoughts are about you abusing me the way my abuser abused me so by forcing me to perform oral sex on you.

I find it challenging to stop these thoughts. It’s like I had to replay this scenario in my head to constantly remind myself to never get close again. These thoughts came up because I started to feel attached to you. Not unhealthy dependent attachment, but a therapeutic bond. I felt safe to be my genuine self with you, to feel joy and comfort and security. Now I only see my abuser and I don’t know how to make this go away. I want to fix this. May you help me?”
 
Okay I’ll make it shorter and more straightforward. Should I reword what I’m going to write to my therapist. So far I have: “I have been experiencing some unwanted intrusive thoughts that make me feel ashamed and disgusted. They make it hard for me to trust and connect with you during our sessions.

They come up when I start to feel attached to someone. I know that its main job is to protect me from making the same mistake of trusting someone that could be bad. However, it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism. And due to it being compulsive I don’t know how to stop it.

The thoughts are about you abusing me the way my abuser abused me so by forcing me to perform oral sex on you.

I find it challenging to stop these thoughts. It’s like I had to replay this scenario in my head to constantly remind myself to never get close again. These thoughts came up because I started to feel attached to you. Not unhealthy dependent attachment, but a therapeutic bond. I felt safe to be my genuine self with you, to feel joy and comfort and security. Now I only see my abuser and I don’t know how to make this go away. I want to fix this. May you help me?”
Yes, this version of what you plan on saying to your therapist is more direct and to the point. It's essential to communicate your thoughts and feelings with your therapist explicitly. Remember, the therapeutic relationship is built on honesty and transparency.
 
Do you have any suggestions to help me reduce intrusive thoughts about my therapist abusing me? And how do I lessen the compulsion to intentionally think about these thoughts?
 
Do you have any suggestions to help me reduce intrusive thoughts about my therapist abusing me? And how do I lessen the compulsion to intentionally think about these thoughts?
One helpful tool you and your therapist might explore is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to address the obsessive thoughts. Your therapist can teach you techniques, such as grounding or redirecting your thoughts, to reduce the intensity and frequency of these intrusive thoughts. It's also recommended to address the emotions associated with these thoughts by practicing mindfulness and self-compassion. Additionally, you can explore coping mechanisms to manage the emotional triggers that lead to these thoughts, such as using journaling or relaxation techniques.

Talking about these intrusive thoughts with your therapist can help reduce the compulsion to intentionally think about these thoughts. By acknowledging the thoughts and working on interventions to address the secondary problems associated with the intrusive thoughts, you can gain control over these thoughts and the compulsion to think about them. It is important to remember that OCD-like thinking patterns are common in people with PTSD, and working with a mental health professional can be highly beneficial in learning how to manage these symptoms.
 
I think I hit a realization. That these thoughts leads to feelings of shame which leads to masturbation which leads to body memories and emotional flashbacks which leads to more shame and masturbation which leads to depression and hopelessness which leads to suicidal ideation. I don’t want to continue the cycle that I always get stuck in. I want to tell her.
 
I think I hit a realization. That these thoughts leads to feelings of shame which leads to masturbation which leads to body memories and emotional flashbacks which leads to more shame and masturbation which leads to depression and hopelessness which leads to suicidal ideation. I don’t want to continue the cycle that I always get stuck in. I want to tell her.
It is important that you share this realization with your therapist. It can be difficult to recognize the patterns of behavior and thoughts that perpetuate the cycle of symptoms. By discussing this with your therapist, you can work on breaking the cycle and find alternate coping mechanisms to manage the intrusive thoughts. You should feel proud of yourself for recognizing the impact these thoughts have on your mental health and well-being and for being willing to take the steps to break the cycle. Keep up the hard work and know that help is available.
 
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