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Fatigued from idea of making new friends. Anyone else?

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Has anyone else ever experienced this?

How have you "managed" it or changed it (etc)?

I've moved cities quite a lot growing up, I lived and was schooled in 4 countries and had 6 schools and 2 universities.

Because of this there was a lot of "always the new kid" time happening - being the new kid, developing connections, having to move on, trying to keep connections that don't last, start again.
I found that almost always the reason (as far as I'm aware) that the friendship/connections didn't last when I'd moved away was that it's so much easier to maintain a relationship with someone that you see in person regularly and have big/small interactions with, than with someone who you need to send emails to/facetime - it's almost like the extra effort is too much in comparison to everyone else that's still there around you and you can see in person - a situation of out of sight out of mind.

I've been in the same location now for 5 years and have made fleeting friendship and aquiantances, but I can't seem to dredge up the emotions in me to put great effort into keeping up regular contact to deepen the relationship, or to dredge up the energy/desire to try to enter new friendships from people that I meet. I don't know if I'm trying to be subconsciously self-protective, or have slid into seeing people as just transient now. I would love to have the deep connections that you hear about or see online (etc), but at the moment I just feel largely unmoored from everyone.

Because this is not exactly the type of topic that you would enter into at a dinner party or find someone easily who quite understands or has been through something similar, then I don't know whether this is something that others have felt before, or whether it is something that I have developed by myself alone.
 
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Because this is not exactly the type of topic that you would enter into at a dinner party or find someone easily who quite understands or has been through something similar, then I don't know whether this is something that others have felt before, or whether it is something that I have developed by myself alone.

until i was 23, my average stay in a single place was around 6 months. i was on my way to someplace else when i moved to my current location in 1977, so it took me a while to realize i wasn't moving again any time soon. after 45 years, i'm still a bit insecure with the idea of permanence. staying in one place has been even harder than forming those envied bonds of folks who have known each other since pre-school. accepting the notion that i can't rewrite my past to keep up with other children i never got a chance to know is easier than putting limits on my future.

i have discovered along the way that i am not as alone with this phenom as it feels when i isolate because of that early conditioning. you might be surprised at what happens when you let yourself bring up the subject during dinner parties, etc.
 
I call them ghosts. People I have known and cared about who disappeared due to moves, and who nobody else that I currently know knows. I remember them, but no one else does. They were important to me, but I wasn’t important enough for them; when you move, your old friends move on quickly and forget you. I knew them, but no one else knew them too. Memories that I have that no one around me shares. Ghosts.

As I grew older, I discovered that making new friends became more difficult, because people already have lives, families, and friends and more to-do’s on their schedules than they can currently handle. My efforts at developing a deeper relationship mean nothing in that context. All their friend spots are filled. The “best” I can become is someone they might make time for occasionally, when it suits them, and usually when I initiate it.

I would like to believe that if I met someone who actually wanted a friend and we were compatible, that my desire for connection would kick in despite my past experiences. But the people I meet already have all the friends they need.
 
Because this is not exactly the type of topic that you would enter into at a dinner party or find someone easily who quite understands or has been through something similar, then I don't know whether this is something that others have felt before, or whether it is something that I have developed by myself alone
I 100% understand how you feel. I’m in my early 30’s and as part of my therapy process, I sat down with a parent to help me count childhood moves to understand the impact they had on me. By 18, I had moved 13 times - from 18 until now I’ve moved 17 times, for a total of 30 moves. I really didn’t think it was that many and it kind of blew my mind. That being said, I have struggled to develop and maintain friendships. I’ve also had a hard time making meaningful friendships in new places. I have had some success using technology/apps to meet others looking for friends, so that may be something to look into. It can be a little awkward, but you aren’t as alone in this feeling as you may believe.
 
I wasn't ready for a close friendship for a long time after my trauma. Especially after losing people it can be hard. Always take care of yourself. I have found on my journey of self care and of course loving those around me, the right people fall into place at the right time
 
I was very isolated for a long time and had no friends but I joined a mental health group and we meet up, go for walks and coffee and talk, it's very good for me. I takes time to build relationships and trust but it's very worthwhile. I believe you get out of life what you put in.
 
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