Fear And Feeling Positive Things

Bigmess

Learning
I was digging through this forum and found some other threads that touched on this topic but nothing recent. Does anyone else when they catch themselves feeling positive emotions around others, usually strangers or toxic family, revealing more about how you really are personality wise get hit with a sudden bolt of fear like they just presented themselves to a hungry bear and now it is more likely to attack? When i keep my head low, when I'm in what I guess I could call "stealth mode" since it's like I automatically use conditional negativity to stand out less which makes me more socially and mentally dysfunctional but protects me from more violence. I also read a topic on how these bad states of mind and lack of what I need can be addictive which definitely resonates with me. It's terrible but also completely familiar, I feel good when the more rare times come when I somehow break out of this suffering trance but it's not often and certainly happens far less in the Winter.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
compliments get me looking for daggers in people's pockets. cut to the chase, ma'am/sir. which fire spit ya buttering me up for this time? how many years is this commitment gonna hog-tie me?

my shrinks have a pretty diverse variety of names for this psycho tick, but it sure wreaks allot of havoc in my life. for me, trust don't come easy.
 

Bigmess

Learning
compliments get me looking for daggers in people's pockets. cut to the chase, ma'am/sir. which fire spit ya buttering me up for this time? how many years is this commitment gonna hog-tie me?

my shrinks have a pretty diverse variety of names for this psycho tick, but it sure wreaks allot of havoc in my life. for me, trust don't come easy.

Trust is extremely difficult, I'm always open to having a friendly talk with someone as long as they don't come on way too strong for me to handle but it could take some time before I actually invite them into my life and I'm 99% sure they don't "have a dagger in their pocket" but there's always that paranoia. Is there an exact term for this because I never got one from mine either. The worst thing is I'm aware of it happening but it's automatic.
 
No but I associate feeling happy, or some relief, with disaster and/or grief following. Because some very salient times it did. Usually within minutes or hours. Mostly minutes.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
Is there an exact term for this because I never got one from mine either.

in my case, with considerable wonder if i'm summarizing correctly, the psycho tick has been treated like a symptom more than a stand-alone dx and that works for me. the disorders it has been associated with in my own case are PTSD (hyper-vigilance), bi-polar (misdiagnosis), savior syndrome, and attachment disorder.
 

Bigmess

Learning
Yep.

Exposed. Exposed. Exposed. Exposed.

Find cover!!!



Nope.

Different catalyst.

It's baffling how counter productive it is though because being more non-verbal and less expressive when your in front of the person anyways already can get you any number of negative reactions. I should say it is in general catching myself feeling relaxed subconsciously and then my brain just auto-slaps me back into line. The only thing that has helped previously was kratom but I had to quit and my tolerance is so high that the amount I need to feel normal for a while was getting unmanageable and my withdrawals were terrible. Even that when I say "helped" meant that it more like just put it out of reach, these patterns are obviously very deeply engraved into my psyche. I've started considering that DNRS program and connecting with others doing it because it's worth a shot as so far I seem to have tried everything else under the sun.
 
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