Fear of Asking Questions


I am supposing that I was discouraged from asking questions as a child. I kind of recall being told to just do whatever I was told to, even if I didn't understand what I was doing. Asking why was unheard of!

I ran into a situation today where something didn't make sense. Even so, I did not think to ask any questions or get things clarified.

Do you avoid asking questions? Do you not think to ask for clarification when something makes little or no sense?


I grew up in a very regimented household. I don't feel like we were

Who do you trust? Your world folds upon itself and you just hold your own...in the center. With no healthy functional relationships to mimic and nobody to ask. Looks were more important than substance...what other think seemed to be my lesson. So maybe by seeking support, I feel like others will see me as weak. I don't often reach out or entangle myself in conversation. Something I need to think about thank you @Changing4Best for bringing this up.

During conversations, I may rush to complete it rather than being present and into the conversation. I'm just trying to get out unscathed. I will often forget to ask followup or important questions. Also, we don't use our frontal lobes when triggered or panicked so we literally can't think sometimes.

Don't know if that helps any...maybe it helps me more.


Policy Enforcement
Absolutely struggle with this and working on it but damn it’s hard. My family is one who doesn’t ask for help in general because you are just supposed to innately know how to do everything or be able to figure things out and if you can’t than you must be incredibly stupid. That’s from all sides of my family and it’s made for some really interesting personalities and dynamics for us kids in adulthood. It’s a source of pride or shame or something for me that I have to figure things out on my own or my internal voice will go rampant on me. But, I’ve gotten trouble at work multiple times for that. At different jobs it was expected for me to ask questions and so when I wouldn’t and I screwed things up- I would be in trouble. That definitely didn’t mesh in my mind. Which lowered an already abysmal self esteem even more.

But I had to learn (over time, not even really sure how) that I really wont get in trouble anymore if I ask how to do something. I had to figure out that asking things is not a sign of being stupid and definitely not a reason to be ridiculed.

I absolutely still struggle though and it has come out in my interactions with others because of things I think are common sense or whatever and they don’t get it- I lose patience and get angry. It’s a process ?.

That was long winded sorry lol. But yes, asking questions or for help in any way is extremely hard.


Not exactly fear, here... But I'm super sure asking questions will have rather dire consequences.

In the process of changing that, since way mid abuse / in healthier companies, that wasn't my baseline. My baseline was ask for clarification on everything and pass forward what you learned to others.

Mostly I'm sidelining traumaBrain by '... fine, I & mine'll die screaming for asking this, but at least we'll know, which means if we do, who finds us after asking the same things will TOO... and they won't be so stupid to die that way.' Cough.

Finding the counterthought.
Although my parents didn't discourage me from asking questions when I was a child, I asked lots of questions back then, which sometimes got on their nerves a little bit every so often.

Nowadays, I usually ask questions to others if something doesn't make sense to me. But sometimes I take time to try to figure it out first before asking why. And I think that's fine.