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Assault Fear Of Not Being Believed

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That's okay to feel nothing. It might be just what you need right now
It is what I want right now. It happened on its own, so maybe this is all just too much to digest at once. It's definitely a lot easier to get through the day this way than spend my time hiding and crying all the time.

it's been a while since there's been any real outside trauma. Life carries on whether I want it to or not. Stressors pop up unexpectedly all the time but that's when coping tools step in. My therapist is generally not overly concerned on a daily basis since he knows me well enough to know that I'm good at using the tools when needed.

I just haven't had to deal with something new for a long time. Stressors - even triggers yes. But this - no. I'm learning how to live through stressors. I don't know how to work through this. Maybe that's why my mind has shut down.
 
Just take good care of yourself.

My experiences have taught me the numbness will wear off and when it does.... well, the work starts. I'm glad you have a T.
 
Doesn't it just keep the memories alive?
In the EMDR therapy concept they say the memory is so painful that the brain can't heal it due to avoidance. Then other incidents that remind you of it get attached to it and it becomes a network that grows.

I know it is painful and the pain lasts for days, but the alternative is to let it sit and fester and grow without your awareness. After I wrote what I did yesterday, I have been feeling deeply hopeless.

Growing up I lived in a fantasy world until a complete breakdown, that lasted 12 years, forced me to face it. I thank God for the EMDR that helped me find I could grow past some of it.
 
Thank you all. I guess I do feel a lot of the old feelings...ones that should never have happened to a...
You are not over reacting. You are feeling perfectly normal for what happened. He violated your space. You have every reason to feel like you do.
 
Thank you @katz . I'm working on it. I can't put these feelings behind me overnight. It's definitely going to take time but I've always been a very stubborn person who often drives my Therapist crazy.

I dissociated Saturday evening unintentionally and have had problems with that a while ago. At least I'm aware of it. I need the emotional break. I know I have to face things soon enough. yay
 
Thank you @katz . I'm working on it. I can't put these feelings behind me overnigh...
Your self awareness about your progress and knowing what is an involuntary reaction is good, and you know to be positive and patient with yourself.

Hearing about the fear you are dealing with gives me compassion for your pain. I wish I could help you, but I understand what you are going through and I pray for your courage.

Dealing with it will make you stronger and smarter in the end.
 
Doesn't it just keep the memories alive? I'm glad I don't have to see him until Thursday. At least if I don't contact him, I can keep myself dissociated or buried from the emotions. I already know that if I open the door even a bit. It's going to flood out and I don't want that to happen. I can function so much better keeping away from any emotional response.

In my experience? No.

For one thing, (if talking self defense in addition to verbal self defense) physical exercise tends to burn off stress, as well as give yourself something that's very distracting... So even when thoughts come? It's difficult for them to hit as hard.

More than that, however, is the self confidence that comes from meeting situations over and over and handling them better and better each time :D Whether that's verbally practicing responses, or physically practicing self defense, or a combo of the two. Training doesn't make you bulletproof and invisible, although sometimes it can feel that way, there is a marked difference in training for being assaulted, from being assaulted; however learning to protect yourself -IME- does not make on more afraid/ emotional/ out of ones depth, but rather the opposite. Instead of keeping memories alive, it tends to lay them to rest. Yes, things will spike from time to time, especially in the beginning, but as ones self confidence grows? Both in responding verbally & physically? The emotional response lessens without having to disassociate. There's no need to numb out, because the emotions of helplessness / fear / etc. have been replaced.
 
@Friday yes, some type of defense courses would probably be a good idea. i'm generally a very passive person. I hate confrontation and tend to back away whenever I can.

With PTSD and a more recent fear of men in general...(which I'm working on with my T) I guess I do give off more of a vulnerable "I won't fight back" message.

btw: my days of full dissociation have come to an end. I started having flashbacks and nightmares this week. Something I was really hoping wouldn't happen. I had moved past that for the most part in the initial trauma healing process.
 
btw: my days of full dissociation have come to an end. I started having flashbacks and nightmares this week. Something I was really hoping wouldn't happen. I had moved past that for the most part in the initial trauma healing process.
I'm sorry to hear you continue to suffer, although inevitable, but glad you are cognizant of a healing process occurring. It is very interesting and helpful to me to learn a sequence of healing. I didn't know that before.
 
@Knak in a very ironic way...glad I could help :depressed: Saw my T Thursday again this week. He wanted to do another depression evaluation. - I declined mostly since when it's a really bad day - I know the numbers are obviously going to show. He didn't push it, but I know he wants to monitor it. urggh

I think this is something that's not going to go away anytime soon.
 
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