Fearful Attachment Style Resources

Strangelongtrip

MyPTSD Pro
Hello all! I just found out about fearful attachment and am sobbing both happy and sad tears because I'm realizing it's me to the very description. I crave close relationships and love, but I am absolutely terrified of intimacy. I posted recently about a friend I've gotten really close to. We were long distance friends from August 2020 to April 2021, at which point I stayed with them because they helped me move to the city I currently live in. I was the first guest they ever let stay with them and I think they've been moved out on their own for I think around 3 or so years now, and they've had past relationships as well.

I believe we have mutual feelings (as in I have told them my feelings and they said they feel similarly, but I don't believe them because we still call each other friend or say it's a romantic friendship and honestly I am so grateful for that because otherwise I couldn't deny the intimacy there). I am really, really struggling. I oscillate from they're the best person ever and I love being close to them to I hate them for making me vulnerable and I feel like I'm going to be hurt so I want to run run run and find excuses and things that I could use to push them away and distance myself. The last 3 days have been completely just me wanting to push away or basically not connecting on purpose, keeping things surface level. I see a new therapist Monday who specializes in attachment theory but here is my TLDR:

Does anyone have any books on how to treat fearful attachment, especially involving intimacy/relationships/and even just theory? Honestly any book about it would be a welcome recommendation. Thank you all.
 

JGTRG

Learning
Hello all! I just found out about fearful attachment and am sobbing both happy and sad tears because I'm realizing it's me to the very description. I crave close relationships and love, but I am absolutely terrified of intimacy. I posted recently about a friend I've gotten really close to. We were long distance friends from August 2020 to April 2021, at which point I stayed with them because they helped me move to the city I currently live in. I was the first guest they ever let stay with them and I think they've been moved out on their own for I think around 3 or so years now, and they've had past relationships as well.

I believe we have mutual feelings (as in I have told them my feelings and they said they feel similarly, but I don't believe them because we still call each other friend or say it's a romantic friendship and honestly I am so grateful for that because otherwise I couldn't deny the intimacy there). I am really, really struggling. I oscillate from they're the best person ever and I love being close to them to I hate them for making me vulnerable and I feel like I'm going to be hurt so I want to run run run and find excuses and things that I could use to push them away and distance myself. The last 3 days have been completely just me wanting to push away or basically not connecting on purpose, keeping things surface level. I see a new therapist Monday who specializes in attachment theory but here is my TLDR:

Does anyone have any books on how to treat fearful attachment, especially involving intimacy/relationships/and even just theory? Honestly any book about it would be a welcome recommendation. Thank you all.
I am a fearful avoidant. So I feel your pain and struggles. There are many people out there who write books claiming to be pros and they aren’t. Some general books out there that come to mind are;
Attached: Amar Levine
Insecure in love: Leslie Becker-Phelps
 

Rani G2

MyPTSD Pro
Does anyone have any books on how to treat fearful attachment, especially involving intimacy/relationships
Can recommend Attachment disturbances in Adults Brian P Brown, Healing developmental Trauma, his book is good especially when it comes to describing different attachment styles, though I didn’t like the fact that he tries hard to promote his NeuroAffective relational Model (NARM).
 

Strangelongtrip

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you both!! I looked them up and am going to see if my local library has them. I appreciate it!!

I actually did something I was really scared to do. I was having an absolute breakdown last night and was scared to be alone (not even a dangerous level, I was just in a bad state of mind) and I told this friend and they asked how they could help, and I told them what I needed and they helped me and it actually helped them too!! It made me feel really proud because usually when I need something from someone in this way I resent them and never tell them what I need, and I even discussed that with them and they were proud of me too.
 
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