Fearful yet numb?

Kaylove498

Confident
I recently dove back into drinking and the last drinks I had was the night before last.

I was getting extremely better I was going out again laughing for the most part enjoying coming back to reality well when I drank a few nights ago,mind you I slipped into a binge of drinking.when I started drinking this odd numbness came over me to the point I actually put the drink down for the night because I felt so weird.

Well the next day came I woke up and that numbess just wouldn't leave so I went home and slept for the day when I woke up I felt great a tad blah but over all good and present.

The next night I decided to drink again and this time I got to the point where I could barely walk now I've dealt with dpdr for months and I can usually at this point ignore the numb feelings but this feels different.

Well once again I stopped drinking for a day or two and decided to drink alot for a night and by alot I mean a whole bottle of pall Mason big bottle.

I went to sleep and once again woke up numb and tense it's been two days now and I can't shake this feeling it's to the point that I don't feel like I exist again and everything feels like a dream I can't wake up from.

Ive slept alot since the other night but I'm almost afraid to go to sleep in fear that I'll die I just feel so numb.

The numb feelings is very odd because I'm not actually physically numb being that I've pinched myself a thousand time and can feel it but just sitting here I feel numb and like I'm just a blob of nothing.

I'm not sad happy or technically scared I'm just very blank emotionally and physically.

What can I do?

Did the drinking spiral me back into my dpdr and make it worse?
 

joeylittle

Administrator
@Kaylove498 - Please consider opening a trauma diary. It can be much easier for other members to follow and respond to you.
Did the drinking spiral me back into my dpdr and make it worse?
Alcohol creates a dissociated state. That's the 'buzz' that people are looking for, when they drink. If you're serious about recovery, don't drink.
 

Kaylove498

Confident
I was doing so good when I stopped drinking. I started back recently and I've spiraled again.

I'm stopping drinking I'm once again not eating I'm having out of body feelings again questioning my reality or whether I'll go crazy.

I even started having odd thoughts again about how I'm just here or that maybe in dead and don't know it.

Although I know my reality I seem to also not care either.
 

Wonder Woman

MyPTSD Pro
Those feelings are challenging to live with on a daily basis. Good for you that you have rededicated yourself to your sobriety. Self-medicating only complicates and delays healing; probably something you already know.

Do you have an AA sponsor or a therapist that you can reach out to for support? Even better if you have both, because you can never have too many supportive people, when you are dealing with PTSD and substance abuse/addiction.

By the way, you are more than what you are feeling right now. It might help to tell yourself that. Remind yourself of the challenges you've faced, and the way you have overcome in the past.

You are very much alive, even though you feel as though you might be dead. It might be worth a try to do some light physical activity. Maybe take a walk in nature. Being outside among trees, sunshine, fresh air, the birds, tends to help me, even if my symptoms don't abate. Might it work for you, too?
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I actually have stopped in my own a few times
What about trying a group? Or, talking with your primary care doc about it, see what they might recommend?
I just get into it heavy when my anxiety or stress gets worse
You're self-medicating. it's not uncommon. But it's also not going to help. And the binge-quit-binge cycle can hit the brain cells hard.

You don't have to quit on your own. Even in these pandemic times, I am certain there are resources. You could check out your local NAMI chapter, see what resources they have for addiction counseling...
 
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