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Sufferer Fears arising from facing complex trauma

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Jace

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Hi I'm Jace and I'm new here. Diagnosed with PTSD from one event and CPTSD from childhood abuse. I have PTSD from a traumatic car accident. The childhood abuse I am trying to face that trauma and move on. But, since I have started facing that trauma now I have uncontrollable fear and anxiety. I have my own home now and I am safe, but everyday I live in fear that I'll lose my job and not have money for rent. Then, I'll have to move back in with my abuser. The control she had when I was under her house was really scary. She used the threat of homelessness to get me to act however she wanted to. Now I know of shelters and know I have a chance to survive without her. But, it still scares me everyday. I live with constant guilt and thoughts of self hatred. I feel as though I will never be enough for anyone, let alone myself.

Anxiety, PTSD, CPTSD, Bipolar I & Major Depressive Disorder
 
hello jace. welcome aboard. sorry for what brings you here but glad that you are here.

But, since I have started facing that trauma now I have uncontrollable fear and anxiety.

how long has that been? the reason i ask is because a recurring theme in my own healing journey is that every time i uncork another proverbial bottle of repressed emotions, a gush follows the uncorking. kinda like the champaign from hell?

whether that fits your own case, or not, peer support can be extremely helpful in figuring out what is what. hope you feel safe to seek support here.
 
hello jace. welcome aboard. sorry for what brings you here but glad that you are here.



how long has that been? the reason i ask is because a recurring theme in my own healing journey is that every time i uncork another proverbial bottle of repressed emotions, a gush follows the uncorking. kinda like the champaign from hell?

whether that fits your own case, or not, peer support can be extremely helpful in figuring out what is what. hope you feel safe to seek support here.
Well I've started facing it for three weeks now. Basically every bad thought and bad experience I ever had is uncontrollably spilling out and into my head too. I can't stop it, or process it. And it's unbearable. Everything came out at once. I was hoping to slowly process it, but now everything has spilled out.
 
three weeks in not very long in processing repressed memories. my own "gush effect" can drag on for hard to define periods. the shrink who saw me through my first bout with the gush effect liked to compare it with the grief process: mysterious and convoluted. there is a generous supply of reasons to grieve within my own repressed memories and emotions. the rejection of parents who **should** have loved and protected me, the childhood i will never have, etc., etc.

be gentle with yourself and patient with the process, jace. hope healing happens here.
 
Hi I'm Jace and I'm new here. Diagnosed with PTSD from one event and CPTSD from childhood abuse. I have PTSD from a traumatic car accident. The childhood abuse I am trying to face that trauma and move on. But, since I have started facing that trauma now I have uncontrollable fear and anxiety. I have my own home now and I am safe, but everyday I live in fear that I'll lose my job and not have money for rent. Then, I'll have to move back in with my abuser. The control she had when I was under her house was really scary. She used the threat of homelessness to get me to act however she wanted to. Now I know of shelters and know I have a chance to survive without her. But, it still scares me everyday. I live with constant guilt and thoughts of self hatred. I feel as though I will never be enough for anyone, let alone myself.

Anxiety, PTSD, CPTSD, Bipolar I & Major Depressive Disorder
Hi Jace, I too struggle with CPTSD. I am curious how you are facing your childhood trauma? I hope that you are able to do it with a “trauma informed“ therapist’s; which I feel is key! My experience has been, when one is lucky enough to be in therapy, it,will take real courage and will require as much support, as possible!! When talking about your childhood it is really easy to get triggered in the past. So, I hope that you can be honest with your therapist if you are struggling in anyway, like you have expressed today, in this post! I‘m proud of you for reaching out, I am sure that wasn’t easy! I feel that facing your past and attempting to bring understanding and closure to a world, you lived in, that doesn’t make sense would (of course) be filled wiith fear and anxiety! I wonder if it might lessen your anxiety if you make a pact with yourself that, no matter what, you will not EVER be going back to your abuser!! You are smart, resilient, and there are people who care about you, to help figure this out!! You are not alone! There are people who can help you through this! Take CARE of yourself!
 
Hi Jace, I too struggle with CPTSD. I am curious how you are facing your childhood trauma? I hope that you are able to do it with a “trauma informed“ therapist’s; which I feel is key! My experience has been, when one is lucky enough to be in therapy, it,will take real courage and will require as much support, as possible!! When talking about your childhood it is really easy to get triggered in the past. So, I hope that you can be honest with your therapist if you are struggling in anyway, like you have expressed today, in this post! I‘m proud of you for reaching out, I am sure that wasn’t easy! I feel that facing your past and attempting to bring understanding and closure to a world, you lived in, that doesn’t make sense would (of course) be filled wiith fear and anxiety! I wonder if it might lessen your anxiety if you make a pact with yourself that, no matter what, you will not EVER be going back to your abuser!! You are smart, resilient, and there are people who care about you, to help figure this out!! You are not alone! There are people who can help you through this! Take CARE of yourself!
Well I am still in contact with and see my abuser. And get rides for errands and to and from work from them. So yeah...the whole not going back thing. I do in fact live alone though.
 
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