Fed up with family and angry


I support my family financially. I have a husband that is too depressed to work, an adult son who is disabled. And a soon to be adult daughter who is supposed to be finishing high school. I make $28K/year. 3/4 of my paycheck goes to housing. The rest keeps the lights and utilities on. The deal that was made was that my husband would make the evening meal and the kids would keep the house picked up and do the dishes. For the past month, I have been the only one holding up my end of the bargain. Resentment begun to seep in. But today it came to a head. I am sick. Doc says pneumonia and I am supposed to be taking it easy. I look around and see all the things that have piled up because no one felt like taking care of them. I am seriously pissed. It's not like I can just move out. They are my responsibility but I can't do it all myself either.

I already refuse to do their laundry, cook for them, clean their bathroom, stuff like that.

One thing I can do is switch to paper plates to cut down on dishes even though it's worse for the environment.

Any other suggestions?


New Here
I think whatever you need to do to make your life easier, do it. Paper biodegrades. You probably already have done this, but any extra income or programs you are entitled to because of your son's or husband's disabilities you should file for, although I know it takes forever and makes more work in the short term. A little extra income could open up much needed help.

Your expectations sound unbelievably reasonable and you've set clear boundaries.


Any other suggestions?
Is hubby in treatment for his depression? That would be my big one. It's not his fault that he got sick, but it is important that he engages with treatment.

Have you had a conversation with him about why he's not been able to fulfil his end of the deal? Can you have a go at engaging him in a conversation about (1) what got in his way with getting dinner each day; and (2) how can we address those problems to make it possible?

Hopelessness and helplessness are an absolute nightmare for both the sufferer, and the people around them. My personal experience with depression is that instead of cheering the sufferer on with "you can totally do this", it can sometimes be more helpful to approach it with "I recognise that this is genuinely too hard for you right now, so how can we do it differently?"