Feel icky, unsafe, irritated not coping right now

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
I still feel like I'm dreading seeing my autism worker I feel like I've already gone backwards cause I'm just worrying all the time about having to see her. It's like with the alien I'd always be worried about the next time. I think she just makes me feel unsafe and scared and I can't cope with it but mum will not want her to go. It's like I'm having to pretend I'm fine for other people just like I always did with the alien but I can't keep doing it. I'm Not coping with it. And thinking about the bad day is making me so anxious I haven't wrote down what I was supposed to properly I just said Debbie is an alien (an alien not the alien) and person in nightmare, Debbie reminded me of that person. That's all I felt comfortable writing but I do think it will make any sense but I can't write anymore. I want to hide I feel scared and unsafe.🏃😿
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
I feel icky and keep wanting to cut down there. I feel scared about seeing my autism worker tomorrow and I feel unsafe. I want to be in a different world with alive teddies where I feel safe and protected. I felt suicidal yesterday. I just don't like being here I don't want to deal with anyone or anything. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel icky about my chest too. 🤕😿🤢💩
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
Looks like it's just us two
IMG_20220612_220242.jpg
 

barefoot

Sponsor
Ah, that’s a cute bear 😊

I’m sorry you’re struggling tonight @Lilac98 and I’m glad you have your teddy with you for comfort and support.

Sundays can be pretty quiet here sometimes, so I wanted to respond to one of your posts, just so you know you have been seen and heard.

Do you HAVE to go and meet your autism worker tomorrow? If it’s causing intense dysregulation, is it worth considering cancelling?

If you do go ahead, I really hope it goes better than you are imagining. Let us know?

Please take care, look after yourself and keep yourself safe tonight.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
Mum and dad have requested I have a break for a week of not seeing Debbie basically so they can try persuading me to see her anyway even though I don't trust her or feel comfortable with her. I think continuing to see her will make things worse just like seeing grandad for years but no one wants to listen to me. It's all just stressing me out. Dad wants me to put the grandad stuff to the side for now and then when things are sorted with Debbie they'll apparently help me with the grandad stuff either with counsellors or talking to my sisters which I have repeatedly said I won't talk to my sisters about it. I can't just put things aside for now. 😠
 

joeylittle

Administrator
Dad wants me to put the grandad stuff to the side for now and then when things are sorted with Debbie they'll apparently help me with the grandad stuff
This actually sounds like a really reasonable compromise. Not even a compromise, actually, since Debbie isn't anything to do with your grandad - she just reminded you of a bad moment in a dream.

I also don't know that they are asking you to ignore your feelings about Debbie - it sounds like they are asking you to separate your issue with Debbie and your (much more complicated and bigger) feelings about grandad. I understand how it's not always simple or easy to separate feelings...but besides this instance where you were triggered by Debbie - and the ensuing conflict arising from that incident - has she been thoroughly unworkable, for you getting the help you want/need with the day-to-day support for your autism?

Important to remember - you feel like Debbie triggered you, but she wasn't setting out to do that. She didn't have enough info to do that. You were triggered by Debbie's actions. This is a common thing, we all do it - myself included. "The manager upset me", "the book triggered me"...etc.

When what's actually happened is Me (I) am triggered by this specific thing that the manager did, or that happened in the book, etc.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
This actually sounds like a really reasonable compromise. Not even a compromise, actually, since Debbie isn't anything to do with your grandad - she just reminded you of a bad moment in a dream.

I also don't know that they are asking you to ignore your feelings about Debbie - it sounds like they are asking you to separate your issue with Debbie and your (much more complicated and bigger) feelings about grandad. I understand how it's not always simple or easy to separate feelings...but besides this instance where you were triggered by Debbie - and the ensuing conflict arising from that incident - has she been thoroughly unworkable, for you getting the help you want/need with the day-to-day support for your autism?

Important to remember - you feel like Debbie triggered you, but she wasn't setting out to do that. She didn't have enough info to do that. You were triggered by Debbie's actions. This is a common thing, we all do it - myself included. "The manager upset me", "the book triggered me"...etc.

When what's actually happened is Me (I) am triggered by this specific thing that the manager did, or that happened in the book, etc.
But I don't feel comfortable around her now, she makes me feel unsafe
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
Do you need a support worker?
If you do, find a new one. In the meantime, being uncomfortable is necessary if you need a support worker.

She isn't actually unsafe. Feelings aren't facts.
There isn't any replacement I was going to accept having nothing but her mum and dad want to continue her supporting me.
 
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