Feel like a failure.. Will PTSD always cause problems for me? Work / employment / education

AGTT

New Here
Hi guys ... I'm new here ... And there's so much great stuff here but I'm hoping I can get a few thoughts on my situation....

First of all there's so many different areas to post a thread in... My issue at the moment is about employment I suppose so I will post here.

I recently left work because I had such a difficult year with my PTSD...

I only realised last year that I have PTSD and this was because I was triggered at work.

I since got some treatment, but everything just went to shambles basically. It's ruined everything for me at work. It's was a new job too.... And on the first few months I was triggered and I went of sick... And I was still in probation. Long story short I was off sick a second time because work was stressing me and triggering my condition. The management procedures, targets, absence management all was getting on top of me and causing me anxiety. Some targets were also time pressured and this is one of my triggers.

Long story short I left few weeks ago because I just couldn't take it anymore. I got better before I left (probably because I knew I was now going to leave) but the targets and management procedures were always going to cause me stress and because it was causing me to get worse I decided to hand in my notice and leave.

Anyway so I decided once I've left I'll take a break and focus on my health and well being get fit again, eat healthy again and relax before starting a new job.

I've had to unfortunately sign up benefits because I haven't got a new job to go to yet.

The whole benefits system is stressing me out now. (Live in UK) and I've just got to a point we're I'm thinking this is also making me stressed and triggering me. I thought u was stable and okay. But it's all become overwhelming again. And all I want is to rest and take a break but because I have to claim for benefits ... I have to obviously look for a job and show that I'm looking ... But I'm not ready. And now it's like... I've realised I'm not ready and I'm not okay yet. And I have to tell them that. And it's like the cycle starts again. I thought I was okay but I'm not and that triggers all the anxiety and everything all over again.

Will this always happen to me. I get triggered by pressure, and tight deadlines, and when I'm in a position where if I don't complete something or of I don't do something there will be consequences so for example in this situation if I don't meet appointments or work search commitments I could get sanctioned.

I mean these kind of stressors will be everywhere in work in any job and course etc.

I hate feeling like this because I don't want to be ill. I don't want to fail. I don't want to not succeed. I don't want to keep failing. I don't want this condition / disability. I just want to be normal. And be able to do normal things. But honestly I feel so exhausted from the last year and how much stress work has caused me...

Will these cycles always happen... It's almost like if I don't aknowledge it and carry on as normal I can be okay. But this is what I've been doing. And then the other day I got so overwhelmed I just sobbed in the job center uncontrollably.

But if I aknowledge it it spirals.

What are your thoughts on all of this... I know there isn't one key question here but I'm at my teather right now :(
 

RecoveryGuy

Confident
Early on PTSD triggers are super overwhelming. But as I continued to reach out for both help and support and process the emotions and memories the less intense those triggers were. Does PTSD still effect me? Yes. Is it as bad as it used to be? No. It is definitely more manageable. When it gets difficult to continue to process things, remind yourself that you are worth the effort!
 

AGTT

New Here
Early on PTSD triggers are super overwhelming. But as I continued to reach out for both help and support and process the emotions and memories the less intense those triggers were. Does PTSD still effect me? Yes. Is it as bad as it used to be? No. It is definitely more manageable. When it gets difficult to continue to process things, remind yourself that you are worth the effort!


Ahh okay.. thank you:)

Yeah makes sense I guess I have to realistic and kind to myself. It's very new to me.. it's been roughly a year since I realised ..and yeah the begining when it first starts it's horrible. And so overwhelming. But I am somewhat more aware and it's less severe.

So I guess as you said as time goes on it will become easier.

I'm just scared, to fall into a spiral of depression each time something seems to go wrong or I get overwhelmed.

Thanks for you input.

Peace and love

AGTT
 

AGTT

New Here
Early on PTSD triggers are super overwhelming. But as I continued to reach out for both help and support

Also do you think that by stating that I have PTSD do you think that counter productive or helpful acknowledging the struggles?

Cause it just seems to me like when you focus on something it can spiral ... But if you don't you can almost get through completely.

Maybe it goes back to where someone is with their journey... I thought I was doing okay but I've realised I'm still recovering and very new to healing. And maybe I should be more patient of myself
 

RecoveryGuy

Confident
Also do you think that by stating that I have PTSD do you think that counter productive or helpful acknowledging the struggles?

Cause it just seems to me like when you focus on something it can spiral ...

Calling something what it is, is not the same as focusing on it. Being honest in accepting the things I struggle with helps me to both be gentle with those struggles, and to be accountable.
 
B

BorninBC

Hi guys ... I'm new here ... And there's so much great stuff here but I'm hoping I can get a few thoughts on my situation....

First of all there's so many different areas to post a thread in... My issue at the moment is about employment I suppose so I will post here.

I recently left work because I had such a difficult year with my PTSD...

I only realised last year that I have PTSD and this was because I was triggered at work.

I since got some treatment, but everything just went to shambles basically. It's ruined everything for me at work. It's was a new job too.... And on the first few months I was triggered and I went of sick... And I was still in probation. Long story short I was off sick a second time because work was stressing me and triggering my condition. The management procedures, targets, absence management all was getting on top of me and causing me anxiety. Some targets were also time pressured and this is one of my triggers.

Long story short I left few weeks ago because I just couldn't take it anymore. I got better before I left (probably because I knew I was now going to leave) but the targets and management procedures were always going to cause me stress and because it was causing me to get worse I decided to hand in my notice and leave.

Anyway so I decided once I've left I'll take a break and focus on my health and well being get fit again, eat healthy again and relax before starting a new job.

I've had to unfortunately sign up benefits because I haven't got a new job to go to yet.

The whole benefits system is stressing me out now. (Live in UK) and I've just got to a point we're I'm thinking this is also making me stressed and triggering me. I thought u was stable and okay. But it's all become overwhelming again. And all I want is to rest and take a break but because I have to claim for benefits ... I have to obviously look for a job and show that I'm looking ... But I'm not ready. And now it's like... I've realised I'm not ready and I'm not okay yet. And I have to tell them that. And it's like the cycle starts again. I thought I was okay but I'm not and that triggers all the anxiety and everything all over again.

Will this always happen to me. I get triggered by pressure, and tight deadlines, and when I'm in a position where if I don't complete something or of I don't do something there will be consequences so for example in this situation if I don't meet appointments or work search commitments I could get sanctioned.

I mean these kind of stressors will be everywhere in work in any job and course etc.

I hate feeling like this because I don't want to be ill. I don't want to fail. I don't want to not succeed. I don't want to keep failing. I don't want this condition / disability. I just want to be normal. And be able to do normal things. But honestly I feel so exhausted from the last year and how much stress work has caused me...

Will these cycles always happen... It's almost like if I don't aknowledge it and carry on as normal I can be okay. But this is what I've been doing. And then the other day I got so overwhelmed I just sobbed in the job center uncontrollably.

But if I aknowledge it it spirals.

What are your thoughts on all of this... I know there isn't one key question here but I'm at my teather right now :(

Hey i was just saying yesterday how i wish i was from the UK like my partner because id have more support with the DOL over there.

Im from canada.

I have PTSD.

I HAVE exhausted all e.i. sickness benefits. Used all sick days. Sick time. I was on a long term disability ive maxed out my 2 years. And guess what. NO ONE is paying me here.

Not canada pension

Not e.i. i applied and 30 days later i call and check to see if i have been accepted and they closed the file because i used all benefits. No call to tell me nothing.

Welfare day has come and gone. I have applied january 28th. Sofar STILL WAITING.

Every druggie on my street has gotten a cheque .. Lots of overdoses this week as the usual on payday. But wheres my cheque!?! Oh wait ... Still waiting. Its been a month with literally ZERO pay.

Get psych help. Get assessments. Go from there. Be thankful your not having this shit happen in canada or youd be royally f*cked and set up for failure.

Ive got more to add because i SO hear your frustration right now.

Can you call a crisis line in the UK today and just vent. I think that would be good. I recently had a job interview and i was asked that bevause i was in a dangerous job if i have PTSD. It is against the law in canada to ask about mental illnesa during an interview but in the last 2 interviews both interviewers asked me because i work in forensic psych. I replied NO.
NO mental illness. No issues here.

Really like wow im applying to be a janitor. My doctors still saying i shpuldnt work. But no one is paying me as i mentioned before. Talk about melt down last week. I randomly yelled in my house with frustration trying to call income assistance and couldnt even talk to anyone.. All these press 1.or 6 like f*ck i lost it man i burst into tears.

Here i am off work. 2 years. Disability says im unable to retuen to my own occupation. Im waiting 60 days for appeal.. All thw while not paid. And they think im ok to go to work?! I have literally 5.00. Drained all savinga k owing this could happen.

Huggs i hear your frustration.

To apply for welfare here you must not be actively looking for work. But im supposed to be off on disability and am!! So where.does thag leave me? I applied for jobs. So many. Failed one interview. Lets hope i passed the one the other day because i want the fick out of my situation. We can work with ptsd we just need the right job. Youll find yours go take a basic caretaker course and work for the city or school board in the uk. Good luck love.
 
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AGTT

New Here
Hey there,

Oh no, I'm sorry! Yeah I was getting in trouble from work for being off sick even tho it was becaue of my PTSD ... It causes me so much stress and made me more I'll.

Did you get any financial support whilst you was on long term disability? I'm not familiar with the systems over there...

And yeah I totally understand about having a melt down... Sometimes it's too much ... It's like everyone gone wrong ... But hopefully like fore me I had such a melt down.. I broke but I decided it's either I give up or try for myself. And I've been trying since.

I mean, at the moment I'm in no fit state to work. But I know I will be okay once I've taken some self care and got stronger... I know I'll be able to work again.

And you're totally right... That is the focus, and key part... Finding work that doesn't trigger. There's so many different types of jobs out there that I'm sure we are all qualified and have transferable skills to do things that we may not have thought we would do.

I'm super happy and comfortable doing something very basic to get on my feet. My health is my priority, I don't care what it is aslong it keeps me busy and gives me some income till Im in a better place to look for a better job.

Are there any other Benifits you could claim or any work organisations / programs to help you ? Citizens advice? Fit to work? Some initiatives help people with disabilities or any other program to help you explore another type of role?

I hope the appeal goes well for you.... If not there might be something new that you could do could still be related to your skills and experience ... But better suited to you.

Ive learnt I'm not going to fight for any type of job that will be detrimental to my health and make me unhappy ... Not worth it. Because there's so many opportunities out there that are so different and better for us and better than we may have imagined.


We can totally do this.... Through hard work... Pain..suffering.. failing..grinding , resilience , dedication and commitment ... we will pull through and find what works best.

Wishing you all the best
Peace and blessings
 

NotTooLate

Learning
I can't be of much help here, but I understand and hear you.
I am scared of everything...letting people down, looking stupid, confrontation, inability to concentrate when I get flustered, disappointing a boss, etc. I have no confidence, yet. I'm a work in progress. For now, the only jobs I feel I can handle are things that don't involve much contact with the public. I'm currently working as a crossing guard for the local school district. All I have to do is stand there and wait for kids to come and stop traffic for them. Not really any personal interactions. This summer, I hope to work at a golf course as a seasonal laborer, mostly mowing. I've done it before it wasn't bad. Not really enough to pay the bills, but I'm lucky enough to have a supportive husband.
I worry that I will never be able to handle a "real" job.
I wish you the best of luck.
 
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