Eagle3
MyPTSD Pro
The new job has been such a great experience, until lately. Apparently, my Asperger's and PTSD issues have pissed off a co-worker, who is now giving me tons of attitude and lots of snippy comments. Today I just couldn't say ANYTHING to anyone without it being socially inappropriate somehow, irritating several coworkers. This triggers the mess out of my PTSD from childhood, having no one understand me but trying to force me to do what neurotypicals can do. My supervisor has been so awesome, she's really supportive when I'm having difficulties, but I can't help feeling like I'm useless here. The distorted thinking of "I deserve punishment/firing/excommunication/death" is skyrocketing and I've been increasingly isolated and depressed.
Add to this mix the fact that the job is in a rural area, there is no opportunity for social self-care here, and while I have found a "decent" local therapist, he's not accessible outside of regular sessions, and he's no trauma therapist (he does have a lot of experience with Autism though). I still have my awesome T back home, but he's dealing with cancer treatments for the next 2 months and will be increasingly out of pocket as he tends to his own health (prognosis is good, he expects to be back in full swing by summer).
The impulse to just pack the truck and go home to my friends, my dogs, my family, my T is very strong, but I can't leave without a job lined up. This pattern of only being able to work a job 6-12 months before either quitting or being let go is really frustrating. I just can't find any stability in my employment!! I need to stick this job out as long as possible, they just bumped up the Case Manager's pay (me), and they are bending over backwards to accommodate my limitations, but since I can't do the work the other CM's do, everyone is just pissed at me. This makes for a hostile work environment, and without the physical support of all the people and animals who are dear to me, I just don't know how long I can hold out.
So frustrated right now!!!! I wanna go HOME!!
Add to this mix the fact that the job is in a rural area, there is no opportunity for social self-care here, and while I have found a "decent" local therapist, he's not accessible outside of regular sessions, and he's no trauma therapist (he does have a lot of experience with Autism though). I still have my awesome T back home, but he's dealing with cancer treatments for the next 2 months and will be increasingly out of pocket as he tends to his own health (prognosis is good, he expects to be back in full swing by summer).
The impulse to just pack the truck and go home to my friends, my dogs, my family, my T is very strong, but I can't leave without a job lined up. This pattern of only being able to work a job 6-12 months before either quitting or being let go is really frustrating. I just can't find any stability in my employment!! I need to stick this job out as long as possible, they just bumped up the Case Manager's pay (me), and they are bending over backwards to accommodate my limitations, but since I can't do the work the other CM's do, everyone is just pissed at me. This makes for a hostile work environment, and without the physical support of all the people and animals who are dear to me, I just don't know how long I can hold out.
So frustrated right now!!!! I wanna go HOME!!