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Feeling badly judged by group member

Discussion in 'Core Beliefs / Cognitive Distortions' started by Amcam, Jun 13, 2017.

  1. Amcam

    Amcam Member

    After giving birth, my depression had returned and I am suffering from pmdd(pms times 100) We were talking about explosive outbursts when one may kick or hit things out of anger. I talked my experience, I kick and hit thing I know I will not break and only end up hurting myself, because I get so mad at myself. One of the group members said I sounded JUST like her brother in an anxious tone. Mind you her brother beats the crap out of her, doesn't take his meds or try to get better, smokes pot all day, and doesn't give a shit about anyone's feelings. This is not me at all and at first I only felt guilt and embarrassment when I made her feel this way. Now I feel hurt and offended that she would compare me to such a bad person. I felt judged and almost attacked. I know it wasn't personal logically, but my biggest fear is being judged badly by others and i had to keep telling myself I'm NOT a bad person. That is something I already struggle with, because a lot of the time, I do feel like a bad person. I'm hurt and don't want to return to group.
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  3. Notamorningperson

    Notamorningperson Well-Known Member

    You have every reason to take that as a personal attack. You're there because you want to get better. Unlike her brother. And the way you felt hurt because you may have frightened her(?) means you care about other people's feelings, also unlike her brother.

    You aren't a bad person. If you have to, say it over and over until it's drilled into your mind.

    You know you're not bad, but take my words as a second opinion.

    Are you going to try talking to a therapist one on one about what happened in that group session?
    Junebug and Amcam like this.
  4. Casey_03

    Casey_03 I'm a VIP

    You're not a bad person. If you were, you wouldn't even have been bothered by her comments. I'd be bothered by them too, and to be honest, I would hope that many of the other groups members realized her comparison was motivated more by her own personal demons than anything else. Because comparing a man who's abusive and on drugs to a woman whose hormones are out of whack after giving birth ... well, I just don't see the logic. I also don't see the link between hitting objects and beating a person. My guess is that at least half of the group saw it for what it was -- someone projecting their own shit onto you.
    NoWhereKnowWhere and Amcam like this.
  5. Amcam

    Amcam Member

    Thanks you guys. Logically, I know it was her dealing with her own demons and wasn't the demon. It just set off a bad reaction in me.

    The group counselor even explicitly told her, "well, she's not your brother, ok?" I understand any type of anger makes her think of her brother, it was just hard not to take it personally.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 13, 2017
    Junebug and The Albatross like this.
  6. Friday

    Friday Raise Hell Moderator

    Oh don't you just love opportunities to work through fears? :wtf:

    Sounds like a good environment for it, though. As not only are you being openly judged by someone (your fear), but it's inaccurate (as opposed to something you like or love about yourself that someone else hates/fears/despises), AND you have the support of the counselor reality checking both the other member & yourself. So you can work through part of your fear with mad backup.
    Muttly, Amcam, joeylittle and 3 others like this.
  7. Amcam

    Amcam Member

    You're absolutely right. I have to accept that I will be judged, but lots of times people's judgement will be highly inaccurate. I can't take everything personally as if it is always truth.
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