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Sexual Assault Feeling bothered - thought i saw my past abuser

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So, I was at a concert the other night and thought I saw my past abuser. To be honest, I am not 100% sure it was him. After all, it has been nine years and the guy I saw had a beard (we were still teens when I last saw him. So, no beard at that time). Also, it was dark and he was standing a good way behind me. However, every time I glanced back... he was staring at me. I accidentally met eye to eye contact with him several times.

It really bothers me that I don't know for sure, and I don't fully understand why. A part of me wonders if it is because I can't fully process how I should feel. I have gone over what it would be like to see him again several times in my mind. I think deep down, maybe I have always wanted to confront him in some way, and see him as a stronger adult (meaning that I have more control over my own situation now). It's not that I particularly want to seek him out... but if put in a situation where I saw him... I felt like it would be different.

I had triggered feelings about him a couple of months ago (I had a dream about him)... and was feeling down for a couple of weeks. Anyways, I got over it and was feeling better... but now I'm feeling down again.

I feel like even though I am in a happy place that I will never get the closure I need.

I have never seen him up close or spoken to him in all this time... Though, I have had other moments when I thought I might have seen him at a store. Am I just seeing a ghost? Seeing him in people that look similar? Or do you think it's strange that the person I saw was watching me for some time?

Advice?
 
Have you been to therapy for your trauma? It sounds like you may need to do some healing.

I think we've all had to deal with this sort of situation. Many of us were abused by family members, though, so we have to face them occasionally or frequently. I still get triggered at the thought of seeing my family.

We are wired to look for familiarity. Perhaps this guy was staring at you because you were staring at him. There's way to know. But you can be in a room full of strangers and be triggered by a familiar scent or stance or voice. We look for the familiar.
 
I feel like even though I am in a happy place that I will never get the closure I need.

This is often true for a lot of us who had traumas in our past. You never get that chance to say or do something in the now that is different from the then. It's probably something that you will need a therapist to work with you on - because how else do you close the loop?
 
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