Feeling burnt out - husband not working....

Sunshine71

MyPTSD Pro
Hi fellow PTSD supporters

I haven't posted for a long time. I am based in the UK....

Well lockdown stopped my husbands work - he is a freelance photographer.... he got some government support and focused on doing things in the house and fitness - which is great... he lost 4 stone and felt good.
However work things are starting to move forward again - but not for him. He hates going out to find work - he wants it just to come to him. He doesn't like networking and although not just sitting around I am starting to be concerned.

Some of my clients/ contacts would like photos and he hasn't even replied to emails I have copied him in to.

The dark nights are fast approaching and I don't think the government support will be as much - I am worried about his mental health going down.... and mine too tbh....

However on top of that - I have put on weight, as I am the breadwinner I have not stopped working - luckily my freelance work has been super busy - but to the point that I feel burnt out. I would love some time out - but hardly had any over the past 2 years if not more - working everyday until late.

I have tried talking about this with him and he gets angry - he says wishes he had more work...... I have suggested ways to pivot his work ... we talked about this a year ago and he did nothing about it ....

So I am tired, I am worried as the summer disappears he will feel depressed - he is focusing on his fitness again - while I am really not able to spend much time as I have to work to pay all of the bills and have a nice lifestyle.

Do I just say/do nothing and let him just do what he is doing? Do I say more and run the risk of him flaring up? He is feeling upset now....

When he gets upset this causes flashbacks, black moods ...... its horrible.

I would like some good time out - together! But I am just working working working and exhausted..... we have been together nearly 30 years! I just want to have a good life together....

I would really welcome any advice.

With love - Sunshine x
 

Friday

Moderator
Do I just say/do nothing and let him just do what he is doing? Do I say more and run the risk of him flaring up? He is feeling upset now....
I’m going to suggest the exact opposite…of. focusing. on. him.

Which, I know, is backwards because that’s your worry & concern is. BUT?
(He) focused on doing things in the house and fitness - which is great... he lost 4 stone and felt good.
&
However on top of that - I have put on weight, as I am the breadwinner I have not stopped working - luckily my freelance work has been super busy - but to the point that I feel burnt out. I would love some time out - but hardly had any over the past 2 years if not more - working everyday until late.
So I am tired, I am worried as the summer disappears he will feel depressed - he is focusing on his fitness again - while I am really not able to spend much time as I have to work to pay all of the bills and have a nice lifestyle.
=
You’re EXHAUSTED. And worried about him. And if he had more work you’d be less worried & less exhausted. It makes sense. But back up a step. If you carve out some time for YOU? So you’re less exhausted, and having some fun? Balancing your own life? It will a) matter less what he’s doing & b) most likely prompt him to change what he’s doing without it being a big stressful unhappy angry convo. Because if you aren’t exhausted and desperate for him to change, so you can be less exhausted and less worried? It takes the pressure off of you AND him. Stop staring at the fat person every time they eat, you know?

Seriously… next few months? Worrying about him going sideways, and desperate for the pressure to ease off you? Is just going to be majorly sucky. And there is NOTHING you can do about that, because it all depends on him, and what he’s doing. So pivot 180, focus on YOU, and have some damn fun followed by blissful sleep, -on a regular basis!-and rechaaaaaarge your ass. 😁

o2 masks = you first.
 

Sweetpea76

Moderator
I tend to agree with @Friday. He’s not going to focus on your well-being right now, so it’s up to you. I know it’s hard when you’re the one dealing reality all the time. Wouldn’t it be nice if somebody was worried about your state for a change?

If you cut back at work a little to take some time for self-care, would that spur him into working more? Or would it register?
 
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