littleoc
MyPTSD Pro
I feel like I'm losing my mind. I hate needing to write this. I hate what happened.
Why did I keep going back to him? Was it even rape?
Also, why am I so confused about child sexuality? I've been told by my mom over and over that children's love isn't sexual. Why was mine? Why did I care about sex so much that I thought it was all that mattered to adults? What was wrong with me?
Is it just a taboo?
Why did my pedophie say it was natural? Why did he feel so bad, and why are there pedophiles at all? Why was kid love a thing in some cultures? Is it just taboo here?
Would I not be traumatized if I lived in some other culture before the 1400s? Not Italy. Middle East or something.
So confused. I hate my thoughts because I don't have the answers and I hate not having the answers, but I'm afraid to look it up because I feel like my dad is still stalking my every move. He used to stalk our internet activity and listen under our doors. Maybe someone here knows already?
Why did I keep going back to him? Was it even rape?
Also, why am I so confused about child sexuality? I've been told by my mom over and over that children's love isn't sexual. Why was mine? Why did I care about sex so much that I thought it was all that mattered to adults? What was wrong with me?
Is it just a taboo?
Why did my pedophie say it was natural? Why did he feel so bad, and why are there pedophiles at all? Why was kid love a thing in some cultures? Is it just taboo here?
Would I not be traumatized if I lived in some other culture before the 1400s? Not Italy. Middle East or something.
So confused. I hate my thoughts because I don't have the answers and I hate not having the answers, but I'm afraid to look it up because I feel like my dad is still stalking my every move. He used to stalk our internet activity and listen under our doors. Maybe someone here knows already?